Lemon Zing
Well-Known Member
Over the past several months, I've come to accept that I don't think I'll get "flexible support" like I did between 2008 and 2014 (when my support was actually somewhat enjoyable). But I've also came to the conclusion that support personnel are just not trustworthy people in general.
Basically, I have a new flat, and since it was a long time coming, I kind of just want peace and quiet now. That's kind of a good thing. But that's also going to potentially make me feel extremely lonely, and it may end up being boring if I just vegetate. I don't really like being plastered to a computer screen all day anymore. I've did that for many years already, and it just screws up my mental health. Since I didn't have the Internet when I first moved in, I just watched a pile of my DVDs. I'd never have bothered doing this if I'd still been at my parents' house, as the atmosphere there is so off-putting. However, watching films all the time is also kind of unhealthy. I'm 32 now, so I should try to get out there meeting people, or I'll just remain single and without a true purpose.
Unfortunately, I've been hurt by many people, such as previous support workers. This also includes people on the Internet that I haven't met face to face, but we've exchanged messages in the past and something later went wrong, which lead to quite the ordeal. I'm sure I was getting blackballed ages ago as well, but that's not easy to prove. For over 15 years, I've had similar BS from trolls on countless websites. This moron evens subscribes to my YouTube channel, but the new YouTube allows users to remain hidden (unless they post comments that gives away their IDs, but this troll I've been bothered by is a fly one, so he doesn't do that). Maybe the police finally spoke to him, because he hasn't been harassing me for weeks now.
My parents' house has always been messy and incredibly unhomely like. My sister had to move back in last year after she gave up her flat, since she lost benefits from getting her youngest son taken off her. This essentially meant she wasn't entitled to receive that money any longer, as he was placed with other carers, who I assume, would be allowed that money instead of her. I lost my first flat years beforehand, because it was a flat in supported accommodation, linked to Autism Initiatives. That's the agency where the women who resent me now, were employees.
Recently, my family were shocked to find out my sister has a FND which impacts her mobility. Since several weeks ago, she has only been able to walk around with crutches or a wheelchair, despite being okay up until late last year. We think all the stress with social services and the court has brought this on. In addition to this, my older sister lost her partner after he ended his life last autumn. We're all very certain social services had a hand in his death, as they constantly hounded him and made up stories so to make him look bad. I'm sure they had banned him from seeing my nephew, which I'm sure was probably the last straw for him.
I asked this social worker of mine way back in 2015 to assign male support workers to assist me with being an extra in films, since I have anxiety issues and I feel as if I cannot go to film sets alone. Over the past 3 years, I've hardly been in any films, when I actually could have perhaps been in a few dozen short films, apart from a handful of random feature length films. It is hard to get parts in films unless you know where to seek out work, but many opportunities were in fact there. However, I didn't want to go by myself and my sister couldn't help me all the time, and of course my social worker kept being an arse about things, calling it a "waste of their funding." Therefore, the only major movies I ended up appearing in, are Redcon-1 and Home Away from Home.
Recently, I was sentenced to carry out 120 hours of unpaid work, after I fell out with that former pop star from Liverpool, whom I talked about before. I'd rather not mention him by name, but I have to appeal this sentencing as my anxiety holds me back. This place I went to about an induction wanted me to return last Friday, but I didn't go. They have sent a formal warning in the post, requesting I come in this Friday with evidence to justify why this appeal should go ahead regarding the Community Payback Order. But since I'm not yet registered with a doctor, I doubt I can get any major proof gathered up in just several days.
Since I feel I do require support workers, I've not been able to do much with myself in years. Even when my social worker takes like a year to find support, it's just bottom of the barrel support, where the helper they cherry pick for me acts like a stuck up idiot. After nearly a year of ignoring my calls, my social worker found me a foreigner from a nursing home almost a year ago, who doesn't have a clue about anything. For a start, I don't need anybody from a nursing home. What the hell? He supports the guy next door to my family, but even he thinks he is useless, because he yelled at him once and would not heat up his tea. And before that, I just had a few guys briefly before him from the prior year, who were decent people, but their fixed hours didn't suit what I wanted to do with my support. So that's all amounted to a huge waste of my time. When I call up the place my social worker is working in, they all just act like the person I need to talk to ain't in that day. Etc. Yet even if I call back, the same thing usually occurs again. It really never ends. The cycle just repeats. Some 3 years later and the pattern is still pretty much the same as when this started. I'm frustrated and on the verge of not caring anymore. I've asked to obtain a new support worker, but they are all practically tarred with the same brush anyway.
Even those in the acting industry I've encountered are full of crap; I stumbled across a short film on YouTube last year and I'm in it. The producer (who gave me a bit part in it) uploaded it to YouTube not long after it was filmed. I left one comment underneath the video (Night Closes) and he deleted the video, likely because he didn't want anybody coming across it as I had. However, I backed off a copy. He made a dubious excuse about him going to put up a "HD" version instead, which did not happen. I asked him if he could send me a copy. He said he would, but that was a long time ago. Once, the director asked if it was me who added its entry on IMDb. No law states you cannot add a film on IMDb, regardless of whether you are in the darn thing or not. Aw.
It all just seems...pointless.
Basically, I have a new flat, and since it was a long time coming, I kind of just want peace and quiet now. That's kind of a good thing. But that's also going to potentially make me feel extremely lonely, and it may end up being boring if I just vegetate. I don't really like being plastered to a computer screen all day anymore. I've did that for many years already, and it just screws up my mental health. Since I didn't have the Internet when I first moved in, I just watched a pile of my DVDs. I'd never have bothered doing this if I'd still been at my parents' house, as the atmosphere there is so off-putting. However, watching films all the time is also kind of unhealthy. I'm 32 now, so I should try to get out there meeting people, or I'll just remain single and without a true purpose.
Unfortunately, I've been hurt by many people, such as previous support workers. This also includes people on the Internet that I haven't met face to face, but we've exchanged messages in the past and something later went wrong, which lead to quite the ordeal. I'm sure I was getting blackballed ages ago as well, but that's not easy to prove. For over 15 years, I've had similar BS from trolls on countless websites. This moron evens subscribes to my YouTube channel, but the new YouTube allows users to remain hidden (unless they post comments that gives away their IDs, but this troll I've been bothered by is a fly one, so he doesn't do that). Maybe the police finally spoke to him, because he hasn't been harassing me for weeks now.
My parents' house has always been messy and incredibly unhomely like. My sister had to move back in last year after she gave up her flat, since she lost benefits from getting her youngest son taken off her. This essentially meant she wasn't entitled to receive that money any longer, as he was placed with other carers, who I assume, would be allowed that money instead of her. I lost my first flat years beforehand, because it was a flat in supported accommodation, linked to Autism Initiatives. That's the agency where the women who resent me now, were employees.
Recently, my family were shocked to find out my sister has a FND which impacts her mobility. Since several weeks ago, she has only been able to walk around with crutches or a wheelchair, despite being okay up until late last year. We think all the stress with social services and the court has brought this on. In addition to this, my older sister lost her partner after he ended his life last autumn. We're all very certain social services had a hand in his death, as they constantly hounded him and made up stories so to make him look bad. I'm sure they had banned him from seeing my nephew, which I'm sure was probably the last straw for him.
I asked this social worker of mine way back in 2015 to assign male support workers to assist me with being an extra in films, since I have anxiety issues and I feel as if I cannot go to film sets alone. Over the past 3 years, I've hardly been in any films, when I actually could have perhaps been in a few dozen short films, apart from a handful of random feature length films. It is hard to get parts in films unless you know where to seek out work, but many opportunities were in fact there. However, I didn't want to go by myself and my sister couldn't help me all the time, and of course my social worker kept being an arse about things, calling it a "waste of their funding." Therefore, the only major movies I ended up appearing in, are Redcon-1 and Home Away from Home.
Recently, I was sentenced to carry out 120 hours of unpaid work, after I fell out with that former pop star from Liverpool, whom I talked about before. I'd rather not mention him by name, but I have to appeal this sentencing as my anxiety holds me back. This place I went to about an induction wanted me to return last Friday, but I didn't go. They have sent a formal warning in the post, requesting I come in this Friday with evidence to justify why this appeal should go ahead regarding the Community Payback Order. But since I'm not yet registered with a doctor, I doubt I can get any major proof gathered up in just several days.
Since I feel I do require support workers, I've not been able to do much with myself in years. Even when my social worker takes like a year to find support, it's just bottom of the barrel support, where the helper they cherry pick for me acts like a stuck up idiot. After nearly a year of ignoring my calls, my social worker found me a foreigner from a nursing home almost a year ago, who doesn't have a clue about anything. For a start, I don't need anybody from a nursing home. What the hell? He supports the guy next door to my family, but even he thinks he is useless, because he yelled at him once and would not heat up his tea. And before that, I just had a few guys briefly before him from the prior year, who were decent people, but their fixed hours didn't suit what I wanted to do with my support. So that's all amounted to a huge waste of my time. When I call up the place my social worker is working in, they all just act like the person I need to talk to ain't in that day. Etc. Yet even if I call back, the same thing usually occurs again. It really never ends. The cycle just repeats. Some 3 years later and the pattern is still pretty much the same as when this started. I'm frustrated and on the verge of not caring anymore. I've asked to obtain a new support worker, but they are all practically tarred with the same brush anyway.
Even those in the acting industry I've encountered are full of crap; I stumbled across a short film on YouTube last year and I'm in it. The producer (who gave me a bit part in it) uploaded it to YouTube not long after it was filmed. I left one comment underneath the video (Night Closes) and he deleted the video, likely because he didn't want anybody coming across it as I had. However, I backed off a copy. He made a dubious excuse about him going to put up a "HD" version instead, which did not happen. I asked him if he could send me a copy. He said he would, but that was a long time ago. Once, the director asked if it was me who added its entry on IMDb. No law states you cannot add a film on IMDb, regardless of whether you are in the darn thing or not. Aw.
It all just seems...pointless.
