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I just want people to be kind in here.

B

BrianWV39

Active Member
Look, I’m 39, I’m autistic, and I’ve never been in a real relationship in my entire life. I come to these boards because this is supposed to be the one place on the internet where people actually "get it" and don't judge. But lately, it feels like the exact opposite. Every time I’m honest about how much it sucks to be this lonely, I just get attacked or ganged up on. It’s like I can’t even talk about my own life without being treated like I’m doing something wrong

It’s incredibly hurtful to be told you aren't "ready" for love when you’ve been dealing with the weight of being alone for nearly forty years. Why is it that in a community built for neurodivergent people, wanting a relationship is treated like some kind of entitled demand? When I’m honest about how much this situation sucks, I get attacked. It’s a messed-up cycle: I come here because I’m lonely, I get told I’m the problem.

I’m not here for "tips" or to be told I'm doing autism wrong. I just thought this was a space where the truth of our lives could be shared. My desire for a relationship is valid. My frustration is valid. I’m just asking for this community to stop the attacks and actually show some of the understanding we all say we want.

(written with a bit of help from AI although I worked as hard as I could on it. I tend to beat myself up when people attack me)
 
Damn right people on the reddit community are nicer es on the ugly forever alone subs I was stupid again to close my account when I thought my life was getting better and come back here. I lost over 500+ karma.
 
I don't think anyone was trying to attack you. I think people were giving their honest opinions about your situation. Maybe you didn't like some of them but that doesn't mean people were being malicious.

If a religious person sincerely believes that people will go to hell if they don't worship their god, from their perspective, preaching to try to save people from hell would appear to be the moral thing to do.

Likewise, if people see inflexibility, underdeveloped skills and/or not enough appeal as your primary obstacles to getting a romantic relationship, in their minds, they're highlighting those things for your benefit so that you know what you need to work on to improve your chances. They're not trying to attack you.

Honest question: If you're not looking for advice or other people's perspectives on your posts, what kinds of comments and contributions do you actually want?
 
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Wizardry said:
Honest question: If you're not looking for advice or other people's perspectives on your posts, what kinds of comments and contributions do you actually want?
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I think he came here hoping to meet other single women that will ask him out. I must admit, he did come here with a laid-back, positive attitude, which is more than can be said for some autistic or depressed men online.
 
Wizardry said:
I don't think anyone was trying to attack you. I think people were giving their honest opinions about your situation. Maybe you didn't like some of them but that doesn't mean people were being malicious.

If a religious person sincerely believes that people will go to hell if they don't worship their god, from their perspective, preaching to try to save people from hell would appear to be the moral thing to do.

Likewise, if people see inflexibility, underdeveloped skills and/or not enough appeal as your primary obstacles to getting a romantic relationship, in their minds, they're highlighting those things for your benefit so that you know what you need to work on to improve your chances. They're not trying to attack you.

Honest question: If you're not looking for advice or other people's perspectives on your posts, what kinds of comments and contributions do you actually want?
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I am mostly looking for a social outlet until I get into a relationship. I wish I had more topics I enjoyed writing about. Alas being in a romantic relationship is my special interest.

I used to have a lot more interests. Depression has taken many (almost all of them) away from me so there really is nothing else I want to write about or discuss.

If it makes you feel better, I have talked endlessly with AI about my situation. But it is nice to talk to other humans as well :)
 
BrianWV39 said:
I am mostly looking for a social outlet until I get into a relationship. I wish I had more topics I enjoyed writing about. Alas being in a romantic relationship is my special interest.

I used to have a lot more interests. Depression has taken many (almost all of them) away from me so there really is nothing else I want to write about or discuss.

If it makes you feel better, I have talked endlessly with AI about my situation. But it is nice to talk to other humans as well :)
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My question is what kinds of responses do you want from other people on your threads if not advice or their perspectives on your situation?
 
Wizardry said:
My question is what kinds of responses do you want from other people on your threads if not advice or their perspectives on your situation?
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To be as blunt as possible. I know that getting into a relationship is going to be a huge uphill battle for me. Not impossible, very realistic. But an extreme challenge. This fact scares the hell out of me.

I would like support. Perhaps I am selfish. What else can I say. I am scared of the fact that I have both never been in a relationship before and I may never be in one. I would like some support in my effort. I am more than willing to allow a wide variety of opinions. I have never been good at getting support in life. Would be nice occasionally :)
 
BrianWV39 said:
To be as blunt as possible. I know that getting into a relationship is going to be a huge uphill battle for me. Not impossible, very realistic. But an extreme challenge. This fact scares the hell out of me.

I would like support. Perhaps I am selfish. What else can I say. I am scared of the fact that I have both never been in a relationship before and I may never be in one. I would like some support in my effort. I am more than willing to allow a wide variety of opinions. I have never been good at getting support in life. Would be nice occasionally :)
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So do you just want emotional support/empathy, or do you actually want people giving you their advice and perspectives about how they think you can most effectively achieve your goal?

The latter is what you've been getting, and you often don't seem to like those responses.
 
Wizardry said:
So do you just want emotional support/empathy, or do you actually want people giving you their advice and perspectives about how they think you can most effectively achieve your goal?

The latter is what you've been getting, and you often don't seem to like those responses.
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I am smart enough to know who I am and that I am capable of a very solid and long-lasting relationship. None of you know me even a fraction as well as I know myself. I have never been one to take advice. I imagine many of us are that way.

I am not here for advice. I am here for support :)
 
I guess to be fair I will admit it is hard to get responses if you just pretend to know it all and leave it at that. I am lonely and like responses. It is much easier to get responses if you sort of seem like you want advice. But I do not want advice. Just friendly support :)
 
If you're looking for people who get what you're going through and looking less for practical advice and more for empathy/support/resonance, the r/foreveralone community on reddit might be a good option for you.
 
Wizardry said:
If you're looking for people who get what you're going through and looking less for practical advice and more for empathy/support/resonance, the r/foreveralone community on reddit might be a good option for you.
Click to expand...
I have a permanent ban from reddit. I am not technologically savvy enough to find a way around it. Reddit is not really for me anyway.
 
Well I think unless you're explicit in your threads about the kinds of responses you want or don't want, you'll find that most responses on most forums will lean more towards advice, suggestions and others' perspectives on your situation, and that advice is generally going to centre around making changes to your approach or appeal to improve your dating prospects.
 
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