I have an obsession over Facebook

[ayoungaspie]

Like many Aspies I've had obsessions which manifest through various things in my life. At one point it was to do with my insecurity about my height. Most recently I have been obsessed with social media, specifically Facebook. It seems to be kind of an OCD. This isn't entirely new - in the past I have carried out compulsions to make new accounts and unfriend people on there. I realize now that this was done with no real reward in mind, particularly since at a later date I had a tendency to change my mind and attempt to revert things back to how they were before. It was simply done to satisfy a fixed idea in my head which constituted the way I felt my account should be at that time.

The problem is that even though my urges in these moments felt "right", I regret it all now and it's getting me down because I feel I have a fragmented social media life as a result of my actions and my Facebook profile doesn't have the same qualities as most other peoples. I'm 20 and most people I knew from high school probably wouldn't friend me again if I requested them, they probably find my patterns of behaviour on Facebook odd in fact since I've added some of them multiple times on my various accounts. It's painful for me to realize that if I had left it all alone from the start then it would be a hell of a lot different now, and my timeline would date back to when I actually joined Facebook as well.

I hope I've explained this all well, it's really getting me down because I can't turn back the clock and change the fact that I carried out these abnormal social media behaviours. I feel as though I'm missing that "status symbol" thing other people have through their Facebook profiles (not that it's really important, but I can't help but let it bug me). I still over-analyze everything to do with it as well such as who I should send friend requests, etc. The whole thing keeps repeating in my head and I can't seem to let it go. Can anyone else relate to this particular kind of obsession? Or perhaps suggest a way for me to cope with this and move forward in terms of my social media life? I'm at my wits end focusing on it.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I spend too much time on Facebook too. I don't go around adding as many friends as I can though, I don't do it as a game. I like to (mostly) keep it down to the people I'm actually going to talk to and have some relation to. I do have one cousin though that I've become a bit obsessed with, constantly checking if or when he was online, I want to talk to him more and get to know him but I don't want to come across annoying. That upsets me a bit.

Obsessions can be a bit of a pain in the arse at times but I guess you've just got to remember that it's not going to last forever and eventually it'll wane and be replaced with something else.

 

[AveApollo]

Does the obsession cause you anxiety? Does the compulsion of doing something about it (creating another account, sending requests or anything related to feeling better about it) relieve anxiety temporarily? Then it seems in line with OCD. OCD carries a significant anxiety element related to a perceived harm. This harm can be obsessing that you might harm your social relationships, might say something offensive on Facebook, might upset people due to perceived odd behaviors, so doing something about it relieves the anxiety, but it is soon back again.
I have suffered with OCD my whole life. First thing I would do, would be to talk to a GP or doctor about it and also mention any other similar cycles of repetitive compulsive activity which you do to relieve anxiety (even if it's unrelated to the Facebook thing). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) should be prescribed and can be of real help.
It's important to distinguish between an Aspie pleasurable obsession (such as focusing on our special interests) and even things that we do that relieve a 'bit' of anxiety (putting things in symmetrical order, or out of line of view when watching TV) - but it won't make us feel any harm is going to happen if we don't do it, or get interrupted - on one hand, and the type of harm or deep anxiety from OCD on the other. They are different. The OCD one needs intervention for effective relieve that will reduce anxiety and help move forward.

I too have made different accounts in an attempt to block people out of my life, without making them think I was cutting them off. Or just because I wanted to renew my feeling of identity. NT friends will be likely to get confused or wonder if it's a fake account if they get a request, so might ignore it. I find that simply explaining the intention you had, helps. Nearly all have then accepted my new requests on the new account.
Also, I learnt how to use the friends lists effectively. Create certain categories of friends that you would share certain posts with or even create a category of friends that you don't like much anymore, and instead of impulsively unfriending them, as I might have done, I put them in the 'restricted' category etc.

Hope you will feel better soon.

 

[ayoungaspie]

Does the obsession cause you anxiety? Does the compulsion of doing something about it (creating another account, sending requests or anything related to feeling better about it) relieve anxiety temporarily? Then it seems in line with OCD. OCD carries a significant anxiety element related to a perceived harm. This harm can be obsessing that you might harm your social relationships, might say something offensive on Facebook, might upset people due to perceived odd behaviors, so doing something about it relieves the anxiety, but it is soon back again.
I have suffered with OCD my whole life. First thing I would do, would be to talk to a GP or doctor about it and also mention any other similar cycles of repetitive compulsive activity which you do to relieve anxiety (even if it's unrelated to the Facebook thing). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) should be prescribed and can be of real help.
It's important to distinguish between an Aspie pleasurable obsession (such as focusing on our special interests) and even things that we do that relieve a 'bit' of anxiety (putting things in symmetrical order, or out of line of view when watching TV) - but it won't make us feel any harm is going to happen if we don't do it, or get interrupted - on one hand, and the type of harm or deep anxiety from OCD on the other. They are different. The OCD one needs intervention for effective relieve that will reduce anxiety and help move forward.

I too have made different accounts in an attempt to block people out of my life, without making them think I was cutting them off. Or just because I wanted to renew my feeling of identity. NT friends will be likely to get confused or wonder if it's a fake account if they get a request, so might ignore it. I find that simply explaining the intention you had, helps. Nearly all have then accepted my new requests on the new account.
Also, I learnt how to use the friends lists effectively. Create certain categories of friends that you would share certain posts with or even create a category of friends that you don't like much anymore, and instead of impulsively unfriending them, as I might have done, I put them in the 'restricted' category etc.

Hope you will feel better soon.

Thanks for your detailed response and apologies for replying to this late.

I can really relate to the thing you said about renewing sense of identity. To reveal more about my story, in February I fell out with some friends over something silly and I decided to stay off of Facebook until further notice. For a few months I was focusing on my college course and making new friends outside of social media, and in May I opened a new account because the time felt "right" to go back on and renew myself so to speak. It was as a result of this that I made amends with those friends I fell out with as well. To my surprise I had a fair amount of people I knew sending me friend requests and this made me feel good.

Last month I went on a bit of a downer and decided to stay off Facebook for a bit again. But I later got a stupid idea into my head that I hadn't followed the right form with that new account I made and compulsively requested it for permanent deletion, as I had a weird desire to create yet another new account while having no existing presence (even as a deactivated account) on Facebook. So for nearly a month I was off Facebook again and unfortunately this actually damaged some of my friendships while I was gone and I felt guilty for not having been there for certain people. When I made a new account again just over a week ago I have found that I have not been able to add nearly as many people as I did in May, it's probably a reflection of how isolated I am in reality but also as you say maybe people think this new account is a fake? I haven't had any requests like I did before either.

It wasn't long after making this new account recently that I really regretted my decision to delete the other account and realized that this time round I really didn't need to renew my sense of identity or anything like that. As superficial as these things may be in reality it just feels like I'm not connected to as many people as I was, and it seems like my social media life really has been fragmented through my actions. Now my feelings are telling me that I should have that account I made before which dated back to May with that specific friend list and I'm finding it tough to deal with because obviously I can't have it back. But it really pains me that it's through my own actions that I've lost it. In a weird way it feels like my latest account really is a fake because it really didn't need to be made. I'm starting to have fantasies about getting my other account back and I'm sorry to say right now it almost feels like my happiness depends on it for whatever reason.

Hopefully getting this off my chest will help me feel better. If anyone has anything they can add to help my situation I would be very grateful. I had an appointment with my GP a few days ago and I'm waiting to be referred to further mental health services.

 

[AveApollo]

Good luck with the appointment. By the way, on the login page, if you simply enter your email and password of one of your old accounts (your May account for instance), it should automatically reactivate that account.

 

[ayoungaspie]

Good luck with the appointment. By the way, on the login page, if you simply enter your email and password of one of your old accounts (your May account for instance), it should automatically reactivate that account.

Sorry for not making this clear before, but unfortunately that isn't possible because my fixed idea at the time caused me to use a link from the Facebook help centre to permanently delete my account. After that you get a 2 week window where your account is deactivated and can change your mind but after that it's gone. That is why I am experiencing all this regret now because I am missing something I once had and no longer have because of my actions. I really wish i could turn back the clock.

 

[AveApollo]

Sorry for not making this clear before, but unfortunately that isn't possible because my fixed idea at the time caused me to use a link from the Facebook help centre to permanently delete my account. After that you get a 2 week window where your account is deactivated and can change your mind but after that it's gone. That is why I am experiencing all this regret now because I am missing something I once had and no longer have because of my actions. I really wish i could turn back the clock.

Ah, I didn't know about that option to delete.