I am a mess and even at age 70 I am still trying to understand it all. I have been dealing with CPTSD and doing therapy. The trauma was child abuse, my mother’s suicide and multiple attempts. I spent years in a sadistic boarding school starting at age 9. I started running away at 9 too which lead to many stays in juvenile hall. I have always felt like I was wandering around in an insane asylum. I never fit in. I was slow to learn the alphabet, reading and writing. My speech has never been right. When I was 7 (1964) some testing was done and they said I was smart, 134 IQ. The woman I have been dating told me I should read about ASD, she was diagnosed as an adult. I did and I was amazed. All the things I do are symptoms. Even things I did not know were things are there. Amazing. I am in the process of getting a full evaluation scheduled.
Sometimes I wonder if this crazy world is worth the effort of living in it. I have worked hard at life, I went to law school and practiced law for a while. I have been a complete failure as a father. I just freeze when everyone talks at once and I just have to get away and be alone. Obviously my family didn’t understand and I am an outcast. I live alone with my dog. I pass the time reading and riding mountain bikes and motorcycles in the desert. That is about it, my meaningful life.
Sometimes I wonder if this crazy world is worth the effort of living in it. I have worked hard at life, I went to law school and practiced law for a while. I have been a complete failure as a father. I just freeze when everyone talks at once and I just have to get away and be alone. Obviously my family didn’t understand and I am an outcast. I live alone with my dog. I pass the time reading and riding mountain bikes and motorcycles in the desert. That is about it, my meaningful life.
