One of (if not the most) frequent pieces of advice online about trying to date is to join group activities and be friends with people before asking them out. Whether this works or not does not really concern me. The blunt truth is I do not do the whole friendship thing, and I do not do group activities. It is nothing personal. I have just learned over the years that I am a very different person and the way I see, process, and think about the world is very different than most people.
For example, I tend to despise group dynamics. I have never liked group activities of any sort. I think I chose my majors in college because I wanted to avoid group work as much as possible. To be fair when I was in college I did have a group of friends. But over the years I have learned that I view friendships differently than most people and that friendships are not really for me. I tend to want a greater emotional commitment from friends than people are typically comfortable with in a platonic friendship. And that is fine. I get that I am the odd one. I would have to conform to the world, not the world conforming to me.
I suppose you could say I have isolated myself during the course of my thirties. But the thing is I have never been happier or more content. I do not walk around with a cell phone attached to me. I check my phone a couple of times a day at most. Some days I never take it out of the bathroom drawer. There is nothing so important in the world to me that I need to constantly be attached to my cell phone.
This is usually the point in therapy where my therapist tries to talk me out of wanting to be in a relationship. They say I should be happy with what I have and that. I have been to a lot of therapy over the years lol. Honestly one therapist borderline seemed jealous of my lifestyle. He thought I was crazy for wanting to get into a relationship when so much of my life was so easy. And life has gone remarkably easy on me. Other than a romantic relationship of course.
The thing is I have tried to be completely happy always being single. But it just never lasts. I feel that missing piece in me and it leads to extreme loneliness on my end. My life is easy, but I am not in therapy because I am mostly happy with my life- I am in therapy because I am profoundly lonely always being without a partner.
I guess I would say I am looking for someone who wants to share my relatively stress free and easy life with me but is not concerned with social dynamics, or group settings. The thing is I do not really care if she wants to be in groups or go out a bunch. I obviously would have to do some things socially with her but for the most part I do not care how often she does or doesn't go out. I am not a jealous or demanding person at all.
I suppose I just find it slightly frustrating that people seem to place these hurdles for people to jump over before they pursue a relationship. Like why do you not have friends, why do you not have hobbies- in my case they are just not for me. But a romantic relationship certainly is for me. I am curious if anyone on here has any advice for getting into a relationship without having friends, group activities or hobbies that you do first? Thank you so very much in advance.
For example, I tend to despise group dynamics. I have never liked group activities of any sort. I think I chose my majors in college because I wanted to avoid group work as much as possible. To be fair when I was in college I did have a group of friends. But over the years I have learned that I view friendships differently than most people and that friendships are not really for me. I tend to want a greater emotional commitment from friends than people are typically comfortable with in a platonic friendship. And that is fine. I get that I am the odd one. I would have to conform to the world, not the world conforming to me.
I suppose you could say I have isolated myself during the course of my thirties. But the thing is I have never been happier or more content. I do not walk around with a cell phone attached to me. I check my phone a couple of times a day at most. Some days I never take it out of the bathroom drawer. There is nothing so important in the world to me that I need to constantly be attached to my cell phone.
This is usually the point in therapy where my therapist tries to talk me out of wanting to be in a relationship. They say I should be happy with what I have and that. I have been to a lot of therapy over the years lol. Honestly one therapist borderline seemed jealous of my lifestyle. He thought I was crazy for wanting to get into a relationship when so much of my life was so easy. And life has gone remarkably easy on me. Other than a romantic relationship of course.
The thing is I have tried to be completely happy always being single. But it just never lasts. I feel that missing piece in me and it leads to extreme loneliness on my end. My life is easy, but I am not in therapy because I am mostly happy with my life- I am in therapy because I am profoundly lonely always being without a partner.
I guess I would say I am looking for someone who wants to share my relatively stress free and easy life with me but is not concerned with social dynamics, or group settings. The thing is I do not really care if she wants to be in groups or go out a bunch. I obviously would have to do some things socially with her but for the most part I do not care how often she does or doesn't go out. I am not a jealous or demanding person at all.
I suppose I just find it slightly frustrating that people seem to place these hurdles for people to jump over before they pursue a relationship. Like why do you not have friends, why do you not have hobbies- in my case they are just not for me. But a romantic relationship certainly is for me. I am curious if anyone on here has any advice for getting into a relationship without having friends, group activities or hobbies that you do first? Thank you so very much in advance.
