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How to forgive for one’s own sake?

Discussion in 'Help and Support' started by KagamineLen, May 7, 2021.

  1. SimonSays

    SimonSays Time is an illusion I seem to have a lot of V.I.P Member

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    Brilliant!

    Forgiveness means letting go. Not saying 'it's ok i forgive you' but I'm done with you and moving on.
    Not hating or hard hearted, just....no more them.

    In the present focussing on who and what you want in your life NOW.

    [​IMG]
     
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  2. SimonSays

    SimonSays Time is an illusion I seem to have a lot of V.I.P Member

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    This is something I've done soooo many times.
    Turn and walk away.
    If I can do it physically...
    They literally don't exist anymore.
    They are 'forgiven' by default, so to speak.
    I no longer carry them in my life.

    For those around me it's harder.
    As they remind me of what I have psychologically moved on from.
    I avoid anyone I don't want to see until...I just never see them.

    But I still have to do the work. I must understand the 'whys'. That can take time. Thoughts can appear from time to time. I don't avoid them. I may be ready to see things clearer now. I learn this way.
     
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  3. KagamineLen

    KagamineLen Video game and movie addict.

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    I guess the hardest part about this, for me, is that forgiveness can not be like a lightswitch that I flip and keep turned on without any real effort whatsoever. It is going to take real work and effort on my part, and anybody who knows me knows that I am a procrastinator when it comes to working on my self-improvement.
     
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  4. watersprite

    watersprite inadvertent vagabond V.I.P Member

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    When I find myself on that stale old loop of emotion mixed with thoughts, I mentally drop the whole thing in the bin. I look in there and see all the old stuff. I thank it for leaving. Sometimes, some days, I have to do this several times. It helps me to move forward. Happiness is not a noun.
     
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  5. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Divorce the emotions from the hard truths. This is very difficult for some of us, we put the same 45 record on and have it on repeat, or CD player, because those emotions hold us and we are breaking the bond which is scary but feels better to break the bond permanently. I should buy some CDs to break and label them old emotions l don't need anymore.
     
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  6. watersprite

    watersprite inadvertent vagabond V.I.P Member

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    @Aspychata I find ripping empty old cardboard boxes to shreds satisfyingly therapeutic. ;)
    Mindfulness practice which I’m still learning, gleaned from the local Tibetan Buddhist group and Epictetus (& other stoic teachings) are helping heaps.
     
  7. KagamineLen

    KagamineLen Video game and movie addict.

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    I dunno, I think having some more physical distance between myself and my mother is making it easier for me to let go of my frustrations against her. Of course, she is still going to be a narcissist. Of course, she is going to continue to lie as easily and as thoughtlessly as she breathes. But none of that is a reflection upon who I am, and I can accept that now. She has her own life, I have my own life. I can accept that she was a failure as a maternal figure and move on with my own life, and no longer feel the need for rage. Especially considering that her own mother was pretty much the same kind of parent as she was. I can escape that cycle, so I will escape that cycle with pride.

    Forgiving her is about more than just letting go of what she did to me throughout my life. It is also redefining myself as my own man, and not as her victim.
     
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