Fortunately the housing bubble up here broke a few months ago, great for my younger sonas he just started a family.
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How to better sell my lifestyle when it comes to modern dating standards?
- Thread starter Brian39WV
- Start date
My daughter currently lives with us because of the housing crisis in Canada. It's cramping my style, but I don't hold it against her. She's trapped by circumstances that are beyond her control. She'd also like to be on her own.
Not if I can help it. When I reach that point, I'll go for one last paddle in the worst possible weather without a life jacket or safety gear. I have minimum standards.
JayLapointe
Active Member
No need to apologize and I appreciate the clarifications. I will admit I was also feeling a little defensive there because that stigma of being immature is one I've encountered.
I'm watching the housing crisis is alleviating itself quickly up her near Toronto. Bubble broke just month and a half ago still dropping like rock. Fortunately being older know have seen stuff like this before, knew bubble would break,
High interest rates in late 1970's loan shark rate. So just have patience. We started our family in early eighties and bought house.
High interest rates in late 1970's loan shark rate. So just have patience. We started our family in early eighties and bought house.
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Not in Alberta. People still want to move here for some reason. They must mistakenly think we still have health care.
Your right not sure why, province with one major industry, could easily afforded health care, now that new pipeline reaches coast. Natural gas is future at least for internal combustion. See my other thread on this. hopefully this pipe line will go to the coast. Bottom line steel can easily be recycled.
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Not always. It depends on the society, and the individual people and families in question. There are a lot of variables that determine whether or not it is an issue.
It's cultural for one thing, and generational and regional and personal and also can involve socioeconomic class, whether or not adults (autistic or NT or whatever) of any age live with their parents or not.
It's also worth pointing out that past a certain age, some grown children live with their parents because the adult child is the caregiver -- is taking care of one or both parents, or helping with that caregiving.
My first relationship ever I was 19. My boyfriend was 30. (I am male and pansexual -- bisexual if that is a more familiar and understandable word to anyone reading...I have dated or been otherwise intimately involved with men and women [and people of other genders/sexes]. And: No, it was not exploitation, with this 30-year-old boyfriend - although I have been exploited just not by the guy I mention...)
I lived at home with my mother at the time, and this was not a big deal at all. It would have been a problem if my mother hated him or if he hated her, perhaps, but they liked each other just fine.
Boyfriend lived with a roommate, and actually his roommate was a lot more intrusive/nosy, and generally annoying than my mother.
It was fine with him that I lived a home, and fine with me that he lived with a roommate, because neither my mother nor his roommate were home all the time, and at my house the walls were well-insulated and my mother was not a prude and did not know nor ask about our time with my door closed -- she did not consider it her business what I did in my bedroom on the other side of the house with a romantic partner. My boyfriend's roommate on the other hand was not um...comfortable... to be around.
My other relationships, except for the last one, I always lived with roommates. It was never an issue. We all minded our own business when romantic partners or one-night intimate guests stayed over. I had earplugs for when sound travelled through walls and I suspect everyone else did, too, or just didn't care.
If I were to date someone again, I wouldn't care if they lived with their family just because they lived with their family. I don't assume anything about a person from that fact alone.... to me it's a bit ridiculous to do so.
Many of my cousins lived at home with their parents longer than I did, and dated while living at home -- female and male cousins, most older than me. Multiple relationships.
Privacy can definitely be an issue, if you live at home though -- and not just for intimate activities if you choose to engage in any or all such activities before marriage (I did, I judge nobody -- this is just a nod to people who don't, for the sake of inclusivity as well as because abstaining from such activities may change the equation such that privacy isn't as big of an issue for all the reasons one might assume it would be) -- Privacy can also just be an issue for how you live your lives and having one on one time. But it can be just as much an issue if you live with roommates, as many, many adults of varying ages do out of pure financial necessity -- they might live alone if they could, but the reality is that in many places many people can't, not even when they earn good money in well-respected careers -- because of housing markets and inflation and the cost of education when your parents cannot pay for it and when saving up for tuition from very low wage jobs before going to school to earn qualifications is not a realistic or ideal option for many.
@Brian39WV I am not a woman but I have dated women, and am related to women and friends with women and I tell you with certainty:
Whether or not your living with your parents will matter to someone -- or your living with roommates (family are basically roommates if you are a grown adult not under guardianship, and if you have sane parents/siblings/other relatives who recognize your autonomy as an adult -- esp if you have your own income [benefits or job, either way] and contribute to the household both financially and otherwise) -- whether that matters really depends on the individual woman considering you as a romantic partner; Their cultural and socioeconomic background, their critical thinking (ie what assumptions they will or will not make about you based on where you live), their values, what they are looking for in any romantic partner.
Who you are as a person and having life goals and values in common matters most to anyone not looking to exploit you, and people of all genders have individual preferences in terms of romantic-partner selection -- you just have to find someone you're compatible with.
Trying to change yourself or your life just to get a date is not a great way to approach dating, imo -- if you want to change something do it for yourself, do it because it matters to you, not just to impress others . I'm not saying you shouldn't be flexible about behaviour or habits, or about sacrificing or striving for better for someone you fall in love with, but ultimately it's better to be with someone who loves you as you are and vice versa.
Don't forget: Plenty of women also live with family as adults, for all kinds of reasons.
There are truly no rules that apply to literally everyone. There is too much diversity in how people live, in culture, in financial means, in ability, in values.
That said, when you live with family (or roommates) you may be seen as not-romantic-partner-worthy by more people than if you don't; Simply because those who don't care if you live with family or roommates probably also don't care if you live alone -- but the same can't be said for those who have a problem with you still living with your family (or roommates) and/or who make assumptions about that. But is the goal to be attractive to as many women as you possibly can be, or is the goal to find a woman with whom you are compatible in terms of your lifestyle, your goals, your values, your perspectives, and with whom you share mutual attraction?
And have you thought at all about this:
What are your standards?
(e.g. One of your standards could be, if you wanted, that any woman you would date has to be okay with the fact you live with your parents? Acceptance and expectations should exist on both sides -- one person shouldn't exist and mould themselves to be whatever the other person dictates...that's not healthy, in my opinion, and is not real love.)
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My wifes buddy parent s passed years ago 71 many medical issues just got put into a home not sure how he will pay for it can no longer look after himself based on what I seen with my sister and brother with their mother in laws could no longer take care of themselves sold their houses 5 to 6 grand per month, passed a few months later. Same with my wife's cousins husbands mother. who passed a couple of months ago.
I'm curious if the people saying that living with parents is a deal-breaker/turn-off are saying so because of privacy concerns, or because of a perceived lack of independence of the person living with their parents.
If it's to do with wanting privacy specifically, then that implies a lack of openness to dating anyone that doesn't live on their own. Privacy concerns are no less relevant no matter who the individual is living with, whether it be parents, family, roommates or friends. If it's to do with a perceived lack of independence, it's pertinent to point out that people can live with their parents and live just as independently as if they were living with roommates. In this rental market, sometimes living with parents is the most sensible option. Living alone is expensive, and living with roommates is really no better in any particular way than living with parents, so long as you get along.
I moved out of my mum's place and started renting a unit on my own in mid-2020. When I first moved in, the rent was $200. Over the 5 years I lived there, my rent kept getting more and more expensive until I was offered a lease for $380 per week this year. That's almost double what I was originally paying. Wages certainly didn't keep up with that increase, nor was the property upgraded in any way to feasibly justify forking over so much extra money for rent. Obviously a lot of this increase has to do with the state of the market post-COVID, but it's still exorbitant all-the-same.
This year, I moved back in with my mum in her public housing unit. I'm splitting the rent equally with her, and the rent I'm paying now is a small fraction of what I was paying when I was living on my own. Sometimes it's just the sensible decision to live with parents. If I had a girlfriend to move out with, at least I'd have someone to split the rent with.
If it's to do with wanting privacy specifically, then that implies a lack of openness to dating anyone that doesn't live on their own. Privacy concerns are no less relevant no matter who the individual is living with, whether it be parents, family, roommates or friends. If it's to do with a perceived lack of independence, it's pertinent to point out that people can live with their parents and live just as independently as if they were living with roommates. In this rental market, sometimes living with parents is the most sensible option. Living alone is expensive, and living with roommates is really no better in any particular way than living with parents, so long as you get along.
I moved out of my mum's place and started renting a unit on my own in mid-2020. When I first moved in, the rent was $200. Over the 5 years I lived there, my rent kept getting more and more expensive until I was offered a lease for $380 per week this year. That's almost double what I was originally paying. Wages certainly didn't keep up with that increase, nor was the property upgraded in any way to feasibly justify forking over so much extra money for rent. Obviously a lot of this increase has to do with the state of the market post-COVID, but it's still exorbitant all-the-same.
This year, I moved back in with my mum in her public housing unit. I'm splitting the rent equally with her, and the rent I'm paying now is a small fraction of what I was paying when I was living on my own. Sometimes it's just the sensible decision to live with parents. If I had a girlfriend to move out with, at least I'd have someone to split the rent with.
That is the thing for me. Some people may be independent from their parents while they are forced to live with them, while others can be dependent on parents even when they live away from them. I specifically just dont want to be in the same place with my SO and someone else, dont know about others.
That's how it started for my SO and me. He lived with parents when we were just friends, and when he started living away on his own and I could see that he can both live independently from his guys and we can have privacy - then I finally relaxed into thinking that he is a good boyfriend material on top of everything else he does. Right now we're splitting the bills for the place we live in,but I mostly pay for everything else because he doesn't have a job yet.
RemyZee
Well-Known Member
Just looked up average price for college tuition in the United States: $60,000 a year for private, and 30,000 a year for public. Those loans take forever to pay off, and in my mind in that kind of situation it's not hokey to live with your parents until you are pseudo middle age, so you can pay off your loans, save to buy a home, or just because it makes financial sense. It's smart. Same thing goes for people who aren't students, but are just trying to live sustainably. Alternative is boosting up thousands in credit card debt, most of which goes to paying down interest. My autistic cousin lived with his parents until his 40s as he worked his way through a master's degree in computer programming. Now he is living on his own in a big house in a posh neighborhood...but he spent years sleeping in the corner bedroom and dealing with his mother's nagging. Also, the cultural thing: in many cultures extended families live together as a matter of course...it's cheaper, binds families together (in good circumstances) and lets people live responsibly. I lived with my parents on and off until my 40s because I was saving up for school, or paying off loans...no shame in it unless you spend all your time twiddling your thumbs and munching on bon bons.
I live in Serbia, here people live in 2 room apartments for 200 euros a month. Salaries are much smaller of course, but it's nowhere as bad with prices for real estate as in progressive countries. So yeah, my look on that also takes in fact the surroundings I live in.
At least in my day, graduated college paid off my and future wife's student loans in first couple of years. Also put money away for sons both graduated with no student loan while I drove them to college while they lived at home. I went to college as it was half the price of university worked out OK. If I had know I was on spectrum who knows may have retired as professor.
RemyZee
Well-Known Member
I don't know why: I am trying so hard to respond to this and I keep erasing everything I say! I think I wanted to ask: Do you live in a city?
Yes, I live in the third biggest city in serbia. It's a small second world country. My salary is ~950 euros and it's enough to pay for food for me, my SO, bills, occasional trips and treats for both of us, cinemas, ocasional food deliveries and home appliances.
When I read how people are getting in half a year a salary I get in 3 years and complain how they can't pay for anything, I just wonder why dont they take all that money and come live in countries like serbia. Here they would be considered ultra rich. And some rare people do that and live here as royalty.
Xinyta
☆Being my weird self~♡
I see where you are coming from. I think my thought process does come from the people I've come across and surrounded myself with. I have been lead to believe the norm is that you are out of your parent's house at 18. That I over stayed my welcome.
Most of the time yes, but some aspects are really bad... I do know that I would have loved this country much more if i had more money, but alas..
JayLapointe
Active Member
An apartment for 200 euro would be a dream. In my area, which is an economically depressed area so the rents are actually lower than most parts of my province you won't find a 1 bedroom for anything less than $1250 Canadian per month, which is about 770 Euro's. To put it in context, I am thankful not to work a minimum wage job, but someone working 40 hours a week at minimum wage in my province would only be making $626 a week or about 2400 per month. Hard to make a go of it when the rent alone for a lot of folks is literally half your monthly pay check, and that's before any taxes are taken out of that.
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