How to appeal to neurodivergent women online?

[Gerald Wilgus]

This is many years ago. None of them ever asked, though they did tell me part of the attraction for them was that I was perceived as being "different". Without going into any explanations.

Though back then I never gave the thought of being neurodivergent either.

Exactly. I did not know I was ND when I met my future spouse. We were in a situation where authenticity and care mattered more than standard NT dating behavior. She liked that my depth and presence made me different from the guys who commonly approached her.

 

[Poppy98]

---Asking for advice was a good move. It helps. Asking for help in a place that you're not also looking to meet people (ex ask here but try to meet people on reddit) is even better because then you're already putting your best foot forward.


--Be good at handling rejection because men who handle rejection well have at least twice as many chances. (As a default I wouldn't approach and ask again the same girl who has said no, but if you accept the rejection well, her chances of coming to you increase because now she knows you exist and is potentially a little flattered.)
Relatedly, know that some women are never going to be interested in anything romantic. Accept that and move on to others. Sometimes (*sometimes*) women will put in a good word with you if you both interact with a third party irl.

-Try not to come off too strong because it will make it sound like you're trying to check off a box and that isn't flattering/appealing.


-(On the site), share three positives about yourself.


-(Mentally) name three positives about the person you're interested in before you even ask them on a first date.


-read the advice in other threads on this site


-dress up for the date


-know how to validate emotions. This is what women are looking for when they talk about their day. We're almost never asking for advice. Even when we literally just asked for advice. (Supposedly many autistic women "pass" better than males and we do seem to adopt more of the weird social habits.) Edit: I am an exception to this, but even in my case what is often most helpful is ideas. (Sometimes it can be tempting to try to take over to solve a problem which can be problematic in a relationship if it feels disempowering.)



Respect will always be one of the hottest qualities. If you are good at showing your respect for those less powerful, her, and others, you're going to have a lot more success than not.

Also, to catch someone's attention, they have to notice you and know some things about you.


(All of these are generic because I don't know anything about you or your situation, they're just general principles.)

 

[Tired]

We're almost never asking for advice. Even when we literally just asked for advice.

??? Huh? Then why do you ask for the advice if you don't need it?

 

[Poppy98]

??? Huh? Then why do you ask for the advice if you don't need it?

People sometimes do want additional ideas, but a lot of people (this advice if often given to men) try to jump right in with emphatic opinions of how things should be handled, which can sometimes turn less friendly debate.


In part, yes, my advice is a little simplified because my post was already so long. Your response did remind me that I need to go back and qualify it a little.


Overall, my point was that it's better to be aware of that common trap and hold back a little if one is to choose a default, rather than assuming every complaint being an opportunity to fix the problem.