How to appeal to neurodivergent women online?

[BrianWV39]

Hello, my name is Brian. I am 39 and I live in West Virginia. I am autistic.

I am looking for a girlfriend. My biggest goal in life is to get into a relationship and to share as much of my life with someone else as possible. I am a rather shy and unique person, so I have decided to limit my looking for someone to date to the internet and dating apps.

I am having a difficult time getting anyone to be interested in me or wanting to date me. I know I am a unique person who lives a bit of an alternative lifestyle so I know I will probably always need to date women who either have a unique set of values or are neurodivergent.

I guess this question is mostly to women on here who are neurodivergent. How can an autistic guy like me appeal to you online or on dating apps? I am not sure how best to put myself out there on the internet and dating apps to show women I am seriously looking for a long-term relationship. Any advice or guidance on that front would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you so very much in advance. Any and all answers will be appreciated.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I cannot say often enough to find your people - and not necessarily on social media which tends to atomize us. Look at your interests and join places which cater to them and where participation counts for more than than neurology. You can practice the social niceties and become known, allowing attention to grow naturally. Plus, you have some common interests with the women you will meet. After a couple of years I met my future spouse and we became a couple on a trail maintenance project.

 

[BrianWV39]

I cannot say often enough to find your people - and not necessarily on social media which tends to atomize us. Look at your interests and join places which cater to them and where participation counts for more than than neurology. You can practice the social niceties and become known, allowing attention to grow naturally. Plus, you have come common interests with the women you will meet. After a couple of years I met my future spouse and we became a couple on a trail maintenance project.

Thanks, but I am only looking to meet potential dates online or on dating apps for the time being. I do not really have an interest in doing social things besides dating. That is my goal and what I am going after.

But I know I have to meet them online or on dating apps first. So I am curious how I can appeal to women on the internet or on dating apps.

Thank you so very much.

 

[thejuice]

Online your best bet is to socialise on forums with people with shared interests. There are apps for socialising over video too.

A dating app is an excercise in futility for autistics, especially for men, don't waste your time/money, it's rigged against you. Borderline a scam with payments 'to be seen' (allegedly).

If you are not desirable to the mainstream your profile will not be shown to anyone, literally, even if you empty your bank account.

 

[BrianWV39]

Online your best bet is to socialise on forums with people with shared interests. There are apps for socialising over video too.

A dating app is an excercise in futility for men, don't waste your time/money, it's rigged against you. Borderline a scam with payments 'to be seen' (allegedly).

If you are not desirable to the mainstream your profile will not be shown to anyone, literally, even if you empty your bank account.

Awesome, well that is exactly what I am trying to do here. Meet potential dates and see where things go

I would love that.

 

[thejuice]

Try Autism Reddit too, as that's like a mega city compared to a local village like this

 

[thejuice]

Reddit is the 5th biggest website for traffic in US, 2bn visits a year

 

[BrianWV39]

Try Autism Reddit too, as that's like a city compared to a local village like this

Will do thanks. I actually used to post to Reddit all the time. Been taking a break for the past 9 months of so but I am looking to get back into it. It would be amazing to meet somebody on there.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Thanks, but I am only looking to meet potential dates online or on dating apps for the time being. I do not really have an interest in doing social things besides dating. That is my goal and what I am going after.

But I know I have to meet them online or on dating apps first. So I am curious how I can appeal to women on the internet or on dating apps.

Thank you so very much.

Are you expecting too much from dating apps? Dating apps don’t really create connection — they just make introductions. What tends to work better is using them to signal the kind of connection you’re actually good at. If shared experience is easier for you than messaging, it helps to say that plainly and early, and to focus your profile and messages on doing something together rather than trying to impress or banter. The goal isn’t broad appeal, but letting the right person recognize that your way of connecting is steady, real, and shows up best in person.

 

[thejuice]

There's probably forums on Reddit for singles and dating too. Maybe some tips to be more confident and more appealing as well.

 

[BrianWV39]

Are you expecting too much from dating apps? Dating apps don’t really create connection — they just make introductions. What tends to work better is using them to signal the kind of connection you’re actually good at. If shared experience is easier for you than messaging, it helps to say that plainly and early, and to focus your profile and messages on doing something together rather than trying to impress or banter. The goal isn’t broad appeal, but letting the right person recognize that your way of connecting is steady, real, and shows up best in person.

I hope I am not expecting too much from dating apps. The only thing I expect from them is to maybe meet potential dates. I am not really sure what I am good at. I just present myself, show pictures of myself. Say I am 39 male, from West Virginia and that I am looking for a relationship.

I try to move to in person dating (if possible) as soon as possible. I just let women know I am single, looking for a serious and long-term relationship. And that I hope to talk to and maybe date them someday.

 

[Tired]

Say I am 39 male, from West Virginia and that I am looking for a relationship.

Do you also say what you like doing, eating, watching etc? Women on dating apps won't get attracted to you just because you look good.

 

[BrianWV39]

Do you also say what you like doing, eating, watching etc? Women on dating apps won't get attracted to you just because you look good.

I have experimented both ways. To be honest I clarify less and less the sort of things I am into. Like I said earlier I used to post on Reddit a bunch looking for a girlfriend as well. I was very specific about who I am and what I am looking for.

The problem is I took a beating on Reddit for sharing what I like. I personally like sex, weed, listening to music, reading and writing. Those are the activities I enjoy doing. People were kind of cruel on Reddit about the activities I enjoyed doing. So I backed off a little about sharing them.

I see pros and cons to including them on my profiles and no including them on my profiles. In truth I am probably more interested in meeting a potential date on social media as opposed to a dating app. But I am certainly open and happy to meet someone either way.

I just know the first step is to get someone chatting with me online. I have not been successful in that in months.

 

[Judge]

If you consider the math, you might not want to restrict such a search to only the neurodiverse. That instantly reduces the scope of eligible women to a single digit percentage of the population.

In my relationships with NT women, neither they or myself knew I was on the spectrum of autism. Though I was very specific about NOT mentioning my OCD, which in hindsight was still a good move on my part. Honesty is always a preferable thing to pursue, but IMO you still have to be prudent about how you go about it.

 

[Tired]

I have experimented both ways. To be honest I clarify less and less the sort of things I am into. Like I said earlier I used to post on Reddit a bunch looking for a girlfriend as well. I was very specific about who I am and what I am looking for.

The problem is I took a beating on Reddit for sharing what I like. I personally like sex, weed, listening to music, reading and writing. Those are the activities I enjoy doing. People were kind of cruel on Reddit about the activities I enjoyed doing. So I backed off a little about sharing them.

I see pros and cons to including them on my profiles and no including them on my profiles. In truth I am probably more interested in meeting a potential date on social media as opposed to a dating app. But I am certainly open and happy to meet someone either way.

I just know the first step is to get someone chatting with me online. I have not been successful in that in months.

Do not write on your profile about loving sex. We (most women) also love sex, but we don't write about it in our profiles, and when we see that someone writes it, we think that they are some creeps/abusers etc. It doesn't mean in any way that you are, but it is just one of those unseen rules which you are breaking by writing about it, immediately making yourself less appealing. Write about your fav films, books, games. Write a short poem there etc, attract people with positivity and intelligence, other things will follow once they are attracted.
Weed maybe is also a good thing to not write in the start, only when you already are getting to talk about different stuff.

 

[thejuice]

If you consider the math, you might not want to restrict such a search to only the neurodiverse. That instantly reduces the scope of eligible women to a single digit percentage of the population.

In my relationships with NT women, neither they or myself knew I was on the spectrum of autism. Though I was very specific about NOT mentioning my OCD, which in hindsight was still a good move on my part. Honesty is always a preferable thing to pursue, but IMO you still have to be prudent about how you go about it.

How did you explain your autistic like characteristics? Did she like it? The woman I dated was probably autistic but in denial. I'd imagine dating an NT there will be at least some friction on some things.

 

[thejuice]

Nothing wrong with enjoying sex but the sex thing will make it seem you're there for hookups. Maybe you are, maybe not, but bear in mind that you'll only appeal primarily to people also interested in hookups. Even then, it might be too on the nose. The closest you get to an admission of wanting a hook up will be the innuendo of "short term okay". It goes without saying that being on a dating app heavily implies liking sex. We autistics sometimes don't understand the smoke and mirrors of dating. Part of seduction is making people wonder and being a challenge you know? Basically don't put it on a plate. (Advice from a super stud obviously )

 

[Judge]

How did you explain your autistic like characteristics? Did she like it? The woman I dated was probably autistic but in denial. I'd imagine dating an NT there will be at least some friction on some things.

This is many years ago. None of them ever asked, though they did tell me part of the attraction for them was that I was perceived as being "different". Without going into any explanations.

Though back then I never gave the thought of being neurodivergent either.

 

[thejuice]

This is many years ago. None of them ever asked, though they did tell me part of the attraction for them was that I was perceived as being "different". Without going into any explanations.

Though back then I never gave the thought of being neurodivergent either.

I had the same feeling about my partner, that she was different and had weird interests and hobbies (a good thing). She made me feel normal. It was only afterwards that it clicked, yes she was autistic. Very good with people she knows, however the first inkling was at my work party with relative strangers, where she sat in a corner.