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What was suppose to be a start to a good new year turned into grieving. I lost a best friend of mine named Luke who had been with me for 6 years until he was overwhelmed from an aggressive type of metastatic lung cancer.
My dog has been with me on various adventure such as living near the beach where he would love to swim in the water and play ball. He also loved to go fishing with me where I if he was feeling better next week was going to take him out near a creek to explore but that wasn’t a good idea since his health was deteriorating. We also weathered a ice/snow storm one year of February where my power in one instance had been out for 3 days so we stayed at a hotel that was not only dog friendly but warm too until our power came back on and the weather calmed down. Luke is a sociable dog you would ever meet where he liked to meet anyone just wagging his tail away. His favorite food he enjoyed was eating zucchini squash acts like that’s the best thing in the world.
These are just some of the qualities of my dog but these aspects were just dwindling back in the first week of December where the vet found a large tumor in the lower lobe of his chest that was causing respiratory distress and lethargy. As of Thursday I stayed with my dog while he was being euthanatized saying my final good byes. Now I am just feeling grief and even more so as this is my first personal death experience involving a member of the family. I’ve cried multiple times at home even called out his name while also realizing he’s no longer with me.
I know there are people out there say who say “oh he/she is just a pet” but they are soooo much more than that I believe. I feel the attachment is pretty strong that I may have emotions running for quite a while. Has anyone ever gone through something like this with their beloved animal? Did you feel guilt in yourself such as why did I not catch this sooner or I should’ve done more for him/her? I do feel some guilt in a way just thinking what more could I have done to prolong his life but to me that just wouldn’t be fair for someone one already suffering and for that I’m glad he’s finally at peace and not in anymore pain.
Here is a pic of my dog who I will cherish forever.
He looks like the best friend in the world. This is going to take quite awhile to get thru the grieving and incredible sadness. I can still tear up about two companions that continued their journey to a better place.
I feel he would want you to remember all the fun times you shared with him. His favorite treats, his quirky ways that made you laugh, and the happiness you shared. I want another pet, but l don't want to go thru the sadness of losing a pet. Can you print out some pictures and frame it, so you can see him every day? Nothing l write can take away what
you are going thru and what a wonderful dog he will always be in your memory of him.
Cherokee - that was the name of my horse. She was a good horse and a good friend. My Mama and I have been having to mend fences almost every day often in several places. The horses were usually still in the pasture when we got there. If they were out they would be nibbling grass not far outside the fence. She was even left stuck multiple times with her foot stuck between the middle and bottom wire and was such a good girl she would stay so still for us to help her. She was even left standing in the water back one time when it snowed and such a good girl when we rescued her. Every time we...
For some a loved creature can be a secure attachment; I'm in that group, it could be something similar for you and Luke.
It's a connection beyond words or actions, a meeting of minds, of souls even.
Very precious animal relationships for me always needed time for grief.
I'm 7 months on from my loss and the tears are flowing writing this.
Your recognition or validation of the importance of this relationship is essential when surrounded by people that aren't disposed to your experiences, its not personal, they've had different experiences.
This is heartbreaking. What a sad way to start a new year. It will take time and grieving to get through this. There is a high price we must pay for loving a friend so much.
Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to feel the depth of this sadness. I don’t think the sadness ever really goes away, but it changes over time and it will not always be quite so consuming as it is right now. Don’t trouble yourself with those voices or people that might say "just a pet." Losing a good friend who was a dog can feel truly unbearable. My dog that passed was my constant companion and the closeness with her was beyond any human connection I've had. My dog who I have now is the same.
It might be helpful to notice this hard time before you and do everything you can to take care of yourself. Don’t push yourself too hard right now and turn your focus to things that are nourishing, healing, and supportive.
It is so clear that you loved your dog very much and I suspect that you did the very best you could for Luke. Prolonging life is not always the most compassionate thing. Try not to let this already desperately sad situation get even worse by getting stuck in guilt. It makes sense that those feelings arise, but do not dwell there. You did the best you could with the information you had and with love for Luke in your heart. You do not deserve to get beat up by Guilt here.
I'm sorry for you loss, it always sucks when we loose a furry friend.
My Mother raised me to face this by adopting a new pet right away as a way to get over the loss of the old. The new pet will never replace the old, but I can confirm there is nothing like a new puppy or kitten to help you get over the loss. Growing up when ever we lost one of our pets it was never more than 2 weeks usually before we'd adopted again. It's been 2 years since I lost my Kimos, who'd been with me for the better part of 14 years. But two weeks later this little guy entered my life, and while I still miss Kimos, there isn't a day that I'm not grateful and amused by the antics of Rowdy. Yes this cat's name is actually Rowdy and he lives up to it. Thought a picture might bring you a smile.
I'm sorry you're going through this. And yes, I know what it's like - the combination guilt and sadness.
I had a cat I had to have put down a few years ago, he had bladder cancer. The bad thing about this cancer and where it was located is that there was no way of knowing "when" would be the right time to have him put down. The more the cancer grew, the more it closed off his bladder. If I waited too long, he might have a blockage and then his bladder would burst. So I had to make a very difficult decision and just do it. I still carry that around with me.
What was suppose to be a start to a good new year turned into grieving. I lost a best friend of mine named Luke who had been with me for 6 years until he was overwhelmed from an aggressive type of metastatic lung cancer.
My dog has been with me on various adventure such as living near the beach where he would love to swim in the water and play ball. He also loved to go fishing with me where I if he was feeling better next week was going to take him out near a creek to explore but that wasn’t a good idea since his health was deteriorating. We also weathered a ice/snow storm one year of February where my power in one instance had been out for 3 days so we stayed at a hotel that was not only dog friendly but warm too until our power came back on and the weather calmed down. Luke is a sociable dog you would ever meet where he liked to meet anyone just wagging his tail away. His favorite food he enjoyed was eating zucchini squash acts like that’s the best thing in the world.
These are just some of the qualities of my dog but these aspects were just dwindling back in the first week of December where the vet found a large tumor in the lower lobe of his chest that was causing respiratory distress and lethargy. As of Thursday I stayed with my dog while he was being euthanatized saying my final good byes. Now I am just feeling grief and even more so as this is my first personal death experience involving a member of the family. I’ve cried multiple times at home even called out his name while also realizing he’s no longer with me.
I know there are people out there say who say “oh he/she is just a pet” but they are soooo much more than that I believe. I feel the attachment is pretty strong that I may have emotions running for quite a while. Has anyone ever gone through something like this with their beloved animal? Did you feel guilt in yourself such as why did I not catch this sooner or I should’ve done more for him/her? I do feel some guilt in a way just thinking what more could I have done to prolong his life but to me that just wouldn’t be fair for someone one already suffering and for that I’m glad he’s finally at peace and not in anymore pain.
Here is a pic of my dog who I will cherish forever.
Been there, done that. It's rough. I would just burst out crying out of nowhere...and this lasted a week or so...so many tears.... and I still cry every now and then... it's been nearly 15 years now. I really had a strong bond with my dog, Mischief. He was a beautiful, long-haired, blue merle Australian shepherd. So smart, so good with the kids, great Frisbie disc catcher, great with other dogs, he learned sign language, I didn't have to give him verbal commands. He was truly special. We had a great 12 years before intestinal cancer got him. I made a 24 x 24 inch memory box with his Frisbie, collar, and photos of him... hangs in the hallway... I pass by it every day. Crap... I'm crying now... whew.
Someday, we will play together again. Of all the souls I want to meet again... my father, my brothers, my grandparents... I want to hold Mischief again.
I can say it really hit me very hard earlier today Friday that I attempted to go to work and explained to my boss of what had occurred and was able to take the whole day off without even clocking in so that support was needed. Told him that it wouldn’t be good for me to be in an environment caring for patients who are critically ill resulting me in being even more emotionally vulnerable and that was understanding.
But yeah my dog was like one that would sense when I’m over stimulated he would rush on over to come and comfort me. There would even been days when I got burned out or shut down that he would lay on my lap and not leave until I am ok and calmed down. I was literally about to make food for my dog Luke while making food for another dog who lives with me (a relative of mine has a black Labrador retriever) and I realize he’s not even here and I of course teared up a bit. His favorite appetizer is shredded cheese and I sprinkle some fat free cheese once a week on Fridays for him. Another thing about him is he likes cows where I’ve taken him to see some cows at a private property we use to drive by every week and they talk in animal speak (my dog is in the car while doing this).
This will take quite a while to get over as this is my first personal death I have experienced but the guilt I had is not weighing me down as much as it did earlier as none of this was my fault as I took care and loved him the best I could. At least he gets to be at his favorite spot in the afterlife which is the beach chasing fish and birds in the ocean.
I don't have a lot to offer that hasn't been said by others here already, but still wanted to express how sorry I am for your loss. I know what it's like to lose a pet. I remember my parents calling me that they had our dog (I wasn't living at home anymore) euthanized because she was in a lot of pain. I never expressed this to my parents, but I had really wanted to say goodbye. But they went to the vet and the decision was made there. My parents made the right call, this was better than to first take her back home so I could say goodbye, and then take her back to the vet. And they took her home afterwards, so I could still say goodbye. They made the right call thinking of not wanting our dog to suffer a second longer. Nobody knew your dog better than you, I'm sure you would have noticed earlier if something was off. And that you wanted and have done the very best you could for him.
Has anyone ever gone through something like this with their beloved animal? Did you feel guilt in yourself such as why did I not catch this sooner or I should’ve done more for him/her?
Yes, and yes. More than once. I cried for days, was in horrible pain, like part of my soul had been ripped away...I could write novels about each of them, and the pain of each loss...but instead I will try to stick to the most recent feline friend I lost.
I lost my cat Loki to lung cancer...her vet team and I decided surgery was too dangerous, and opted for palliative care until the end because:
1. She would have lost almost an entire lung and had suffered from severe feline "asthma" from kittenhood - her vet was afraid one lung would not be enough....
2. She was so, extremely (more than any other cat or dog I had ever known) terrified of and traumatized by just visiting her super low-key, incredibly sensitive and respectful-to-other-species regular vet clinic...where my other cat had been (and where most canine and feline patients were) actually quite at ease and unafraid....but Loki would hide in my shirt, trembling and clinging to my skin with all claws at any visit;
3. She could not really tolerate cages even for transport (most cats dislike them -- who of any species would enjoy being in a cage they could not open?? but for her the terror and despair was extreme...***
3. I was very certain she would never choose for herself, even if she had human understanding of her situation, a very very uncertain (really: quite unlikely) recovery from lung cancer that came with such extreme trauma and could easily just rob her of any joy or comfort in her remaining time on this earth...it made more sense to give her as much comfort and joy in the time she had left for good quality of life, than to quite likely just increase her suffering in that time or actually shorten how much time she had.
When she died (a year later than predicted - she lived for over a year after her cancer diagnosis, and all but the last weeks of that time in remarkably good shape - she still played and had boundless energy, she ate well, her cough got worse and she had to take what were clearly upsetting and annoying breaks from activity, but she was still happy) I questioned my decision, I felt such guilt over not opting for surgery and aggressive chemotherapy, for not trying harder to save her, for so many things.... I agonized over every mistake I had ever made in caring for her, over every decision that affected her, over every time I had ever felt I had not given her enough or had let her down...
With support, I regained perspective and in time I healed as much as was possible...grief over the death of a loved one seems to be a forever-wound; a permanent injury that in time becomes less painful and less/non-disabling, but that never fully heals -- you just adjust to it and learn to live with the ache and the loss that remains. The guilt eased off and mostly disappeared, but the grief stays...I miss my cats and I always will. I still cry over them sometimes - some tears spilled out writing this.
I suspect part of her extreme fear of and difficulty with cages and carriers was that before I adopted her she was kept for many weeks at a very critical socialization age separate in a cage from all the other kittens at a store hosting rescues...
Before adopting her, I visited her often through the window where her cage sat atop another full of more kittens, because it was just across the street from my apartment and I passed by every day...we developed an odd and beautiful friendship through the glass in the weeks before I adopted her...
I remember how she would reach out to the other kittens in the cage below, and how when they noticed her they would reach up, but could never even touch paws....they couldn't even reach her tail dangling down when they reached up trying to bat at it...and how she looked so desperate for contact, and more bored, frustrated, and eventually depressed each day...
...the day she disappeared from that cage I was so happy, thinking about her free and loved sonewhere... albeit sad I wouldn't get say hello and interact through the glass anymore...
But then shortly after she disappeared, she reappeared in her lonely cage with a sign that said "Returned" on top of it -- so after being adopted initially was returned to that prison of isolation...
From then on she was truly the saddest most despondent kitten I had ever seen... she would still greet me through the window but barely, she wouldn't even sit or stand up, just lift her head, exchange friendly but sad blinks, reach out a paw half-heartedly then stare sadly at me or at nothing....she had given up....[skip ahead to next 2 short bits of bolded text for my point...everything in between is mostly descriptive, rambling, disorganized, reminiscing tribute and description of her adoption and aspects of her person that may have been why mean people returned her]
I had to adopt her - I could not leave her there in that lonely cage.... I had an awful sick feeling that if I did not she would be abandoned again and again... whereas I already loved her, and saw her as having personhood, and I would never, ever abandon her ...
(I quicky had the likely reason she had been returned confirmed:
She turned out to be a tiny super-aggressive (but friendly and affectionate ... she clearly meant well, and I think she was just robbed of the social interaction young kittens get from their mother and siblings and from any surroggate socialization with other kittens by the cruel, stupid humans who kept her in a cage all by herself), incredibly destructive, unusually-hyperactive-compared-to-normal-kitten-hyperactive challenge, but it only made me love her more ....
she pulled all my clothes out of the drawers and chewed and clawed holes in them every time I went out; she could destroy my apartment like a puppy five times her size might have -- she destroyed an entire big-city phonebook (3-4 inches thick) in barely an hour once, literally tore it apart into confetti-sized pieces, when still so tiny her entire body fit in my hand; She would get into the kitchen cupboards and push all but the heaviest items out, knocking them to the ground until I kitten-proofed the doors (same with the kitchen drawers, which she could pull right out onto the floor when she grew a bit bigger); She was terrified of and simultaneously hated brooms, and as her confidence and security grew so did her tenacious, relentless attacks on the broom every time it appeared until I replaced it with a small vacuum instead; Nothing remotely fragile could ever be left in the open at any height if I was not there or it would be in pieces all over the floor by the time I got back home, even if I was only out for 15-20 minutes; For a long time I actually had to hold her in my arms to safely open the fridge after the one time she slipped in unnoticed as i closed the door and I heard her crying for help from inside minutes later - because she was determined to get in there even after getting trapped inside --to check out everything within and hunt for any bags of raisins safeguarded behind the heavy door (raisins were her favorite thing her entire life); She would climb up my body like a tree, because she loved to ride around on my shoulders... eventually she learned from my yelps of pain I didn't like this and instead would just stand up and indicate she wanted "up" by putting her front paws on my leg and meowing her request -- or by jumping up and batting at me repeatedly, meowing in between; We would play fetch for at least 1hr straight with her favorite crinkly ball before bed each night so she would let me sleep ...and all day every day she would appear constantly with a ball to drop in my lap or at my feet;
Loki grew up to be not only gentle but protective of me, and took on "service cat" responsibilities -- caring for me as I cared for her: She would alert me and guide me to water I had left on or leaks flooding a bathroom or kitchen, to things on fire, to various alarms my brain was filtering out when hyperfocused, to a door I left open....she would growl like a dog at strangers who came to the door and at anyone she perceived as a possible threat to myself, herself, or older cat Mocha while he was alive (he was just as beautiful and caring and unique)...
Anyways cages for Loki might have meant not only complete isolation that seemed unending and/or signalled (as it does to most cats) likely unpleasant or traumatic events ahead, but also likely threatened profound loss and abandonment because of when she was returned to the pet store cage as a tiny kitten...So, again, she would have done horribly during the vet hospital stay...extra bad and dangerous for such major surgery when she was already medically fragile.... I got her a leash and harness and carried her on foot to her appointments or for any travel instead of making her travel in a cage whenever this was possible...she was okay with the leash and harness but always very anxious away from home so she would completely hide in my coat or my shirt, with the leash dangling out from the bottom and drawing curious stares and occasional questions from everyone we passed when I carried her on foot -- I actually did the same for Mocha after he shredded several cardboard carriers to escape as a tiny kitten and climbed out panting and shivering with terror, but even he was much less afraid of cages than Loki once he grew up ) ...
