Specifically, I am most likely going to be fired in the next 2 weeks, from the best job I ever had. It will be the last of a long string of similar failures. Always about social things and, to a lesser degree, about executive functioning. I have never had a job more than 2 years--at times, the endings have been pseudo tragic...such as when I was escorted out of a job officeplace by the union president. Sometimes humiliating. I look back, and my life is a strand of efforts I have put my whole self into, only to watch it come falling down. I love to work: I love the challenge, the feeling of contributing something that represents who I am, of learning new skills and the excitement of doing something right. But again and again, I have been let go despite my best efforts...sometimes in ways that make me rather ashamed: in tears, or even yelling without realizing it. I tend to base my identity on the work I am doing, because I put myself into my jobs with all I have, but socially I do not have the innate ability other people do to figure out what to do when there is conflict, The first time I got fired was in my 20s. I've been fired from jobs as a thrift store worker, as a barista, as a hospital chaplain, as a case manager, as a bed and breakfast worker, even as a Methodist pastor...and on and on. I just can't sustain the social part. Executive functioning also plays a role, but it's not Painful. And then there is the aspect of dealing with the fallout, dealing with the finances, going back to vocational rehab, having to find new jobs where I have to start all over again. I am an enthusiastic person, so I tend to get excited about whatever I delve into....when I lose it, it can be pretty devastating. So, I guess I'm asking how people handle failure when it's something you really care about and have put your best efforts into it, but the failure still happens.
