How did you deal with a loved one loss?

[Nacho]

I've never been through the dead of someone really really close to me and every day I have struggled with this question. And every time I think about it, I start crying. I don't know how I will survive any loss and I was wondering if you guys had any advice on how to stop this / minimize it WHEN it happens and BEFORE it happens too.

 

[King_Oni]

I suppose it depends on the situation how to deal with it and "prepare" for loss.

About 6 months ago my mom passed away, but she's been ill for a while so it didn't come as a surprise she'd pass away. On top of that, a lot changed from with her, which made feel more like she wasns't the same person I used to know for decades.

I guess part of dealing with it is coming at terms people passing away is an essential part of life. That's how I've always dealt with family passing away.

 

[AsperDragon]

Well, nacho, i have dealt with more personal loss than i care to relive. . I also do a lot of pre-grieving for those i care about. Trust that the pre-grieving that you are doing now will prepare you for when you are at the focal grieving time. Lost best person friend of 14 years just a couple of years ago and just lost best animal friend a day ago. It sucks. But it feels similar to how i felt when i pre-grieved, a bit more intense and a lot more surreal. I actually think that my pre-grieving might have helped me prepare for the times of loss. ......oh also....very important. ....know and define your social boundaries when it comes to death. ....personally, i cannot go to the funeral of a loved one. ..so i let my mother know that i will grieve massively, but i will not be able to attend get funeral. ...i tell NTs that everyone grieves differently (and they do) and that funerals are for the living's benefit...if funerals do not help you. ..don't go. I pregrieved for my Grandfather for almost a year before he passed. .....i think it helped me when his time of passing came. ....i still grieved afterwards but i think pregrieving is a useful tool to help those of us who are highly sensitive emotionally.

 

[Mia]

Don't know if there is any way to prepare yourself for loss Nacho. Although you could go an area of a hospital with terminally ill patients and work as a volunteer. That way you can talk to people like caregivers and doctors and nurses and paramedics to discover how they function in such situations on a regular basis.

As King Oni has mentioned, seeing someone change over a long period of time gives the other person time to come to terms with the thought of illness and eventual death. It makes it less difficult to accept and then mourn, than an immediate death like an accident. It's still a very difficult situation though, one that is with you throughout your life. My condolences King Oni.

 

[Cinnamon115]

When my grandpa died, I held my cat for the longest time and cried. He purred and gave me hugs. That helped me feel a lot better.

 

[Datura]

In a sense, it is easier when you have forwarning. I have watched family member die of old age or chronic illness. In the long run it is probably more painfull, watching that person dissapear piece by piece. On the other hand, by the time they do pass I have already processed most of my grief.

Sudden unexpected deaths are more dificult, I believe. The best advice I have is to give yourself some time to be a total mess. Give yourself permission to cry and be vulnerable. The grief is painful, but catharsis makes it better. And strange as it may be to immagine your world without certain people in it, it does.

For many people, ritual plays an important role in grieving. Marking the event in some way provides a sense of closure. This is why people have funerals and wakes. If those events are something you can't deal with then there are always other methods. I have heard of people shaving their heads, scattering their loved ones ashes, going on a pilgrimage. Mostly I think it's important that this process be involved, take some ammount of time, and be symbolically relevant to you.