How come help doesn't exist?

[Shevek]

I think it's worth noting that everything a good therapist can teach you can also be found in a book. There are self-help books for almost every condition and problem related to mental health, emotions, thinking, etc. Instead of shopping around trying to find a good therapist, you could just read a book written by a great therapist to get the best advice. I know some people have found these self-helps books to be more helpful than seeing a therapist. Of course, I realize reading books isn't for everyone and that having a great therapist who understands and validates how you feel (if you're able to find one) can provide additional benefits (such as social connection, feeling less alone) that you might not get from a book.

I learned engineering from books, and later spent years reading and searching for a description of my family troubles. Everything in my bubble was about nurture for 15 years until I finally stumbled upon a description of AS. With that clue, I found a counselor who, unlike a book, could tell me how unusual some of my history was, make educated suggestions and tell me what search terms applied to things I could only describe with a sentence. It wasn't just validation. I've also had counselors who were stuck on the wrong track, and dangerous.

 

[Matthias]

Autism, before severe co-morbid conditions are acquired, is just a peculiar but viable, inherited neurology; a difference, not a defect.
External conditions can make one's autism worse than it needs to be, but they cannot make one autistic (nor make one an NT).

Autism-competent counselors know this. Only an autism quack would seek to turn an autistic into an NT.

I've read articles that say genetics and the environment (such as air pollution) both play a role in autism risk so I don't think it's accurate to say autism is entirely genetic or inherited. While I think parenting may play a role as an environmental factor, I don't believe in blaming parents for their child's autism.

 

[Matthias]

I learned engineering from books, and later spent years reading and searching for a description of my family troubles. Everything in my bubble was about nurture for 15 years until I finally stumbled upon a description of AS. With that clue, I found a counselor who, unlike a book, could tell me how unusual some of my history was, make educated suggestions and tell me what search terms applied to things I could only describe with a sentence. It wasn't just validation. I've also had counselors who were stuck on the wrong track, and dangerous.

That's a good point. I think self-help books can be helpful to treat various problems but I wouldn't recommend people use them to diagnose themselves.

 

[the_tortoise]

Never take someone else's word for what your limits are - find out for yourself. You may be pleasantly surprised. Or not.

I never have. Seriously never. Even as a little boy I got pissed off at anyone who thought they knew me better than I knew myself; At anyone who tried to help me or take over a task I was trying to do by myself or to learn; At anyone who told me I could never do something.

And I was raised with the idea that I could do anything -- and unfortunately one of my parents actually literally believes trying harder solves everything and that truly anyone can do truly anything, that nobody has any hard limits of any kind...I actually had to unlearn this, for the first half of my life I wildly overestimated myself and sadly I was really self-critical about how often I failed despite how hard I tried.

So in addition to my own stubborn determination (I was told in adulthood that my mother's entire family noted the latter about me as a toddler before I could speak); being an autodidact (of necessity and just part of who I am...never grew out of asking "Why?";
if I hadn't been an independent learner and thinker I would have been stuck in special ed forever, learning nothing -- I learned outside of school, not so much in it); and making really good use of my strengths I have actually excelled at things that according to all experts I should never have been able to do at all...

I have tested my limits for almost
40 years. I can still develop, learn new things, improve skills (at least until/unless age-related mental decline sets in), sure; But I have a very well-developed and realistic sense of what I can and cannot do at this point - as well as an open mind as far as anything I have had no need nor reason to try to do ...but none of the latter are important and necessary daily life things.