Hiding it with alcohol?

[WhitewaterWoman]

First off, I am glad you are still alive.

What you have been through, was it 30 years of being the fix-it man?, will take a long time to recover from. A few weeks on the couch is not going to do it. You may need months on the couch. You have to give yourself the time to heal, your body, mind and spirit.

Continue to count your days of sobriety. That is one concrete way to measure improvement. Others will be harder to discern and it will take time before you notice changes.

 

[AspieChris]

First off, I am glad you are still alive.

What you have been through, was it 30 years of being the fix-it man?, will take a long time to recover from. A few weeks on the couch is not going to do it. You may need months on the couch. You have to give yourself the time to heal, your body, mind and spirit.

Continue to count your days of sobriety. That is one concrete way to measure improvement. Others will be harder to discern and it will take time before you notice changes.

Yep. I can fix, build, drive….. anything. I’m the plumber, electrician, mechanic, etc. Also the doctor, veterinarian psychiatrist, and home-school teacher. So being stuck on the couch is killing me, but I also recognize that it’s a necessary evil. If I don’t find a way to slide into this next phase of my life (retirement/permanent disability), my only other options are exponentially worse.

Folks like us on the spectrum are well known for not liking change. I’ve been going to the same job for 32 years, and now I’m never going back there. It’s the biggest change of my life and I’m doing it sober now.

As for counting the days:
I’m keeping track, but only because I know I probably going to be beneficial someday. I have no pride in my accomplishment (sobriety). Maybe I should, but I genuinely don’t care. I’m just waiting to get some energy and creativity back. I’ve been through withdrawals from some pretty nasty prescription drugs, so I’m very familiar with the timeline of rewiring the brain to function normally again. It’s months to years, so I have a long way to go still.

I appreciate all of the support. More than anything, it’s just helpful to vent. Maybe this is the same for me as someone else who stands up at an AA meeting and tells their story.

 

[AspieChris]

My disability finally got approved at work. 2 months with no income has been rough. I almost wanted to get drunk a couple if times recently, only because of stress over the whole thing. But drinking enough to geet what I want sounds like a hangover I don’t want, and having only one or two just means I will be sobering up when I should be going to sleep. Either way, it doesn’t sound like fun to me anymore.

35 days sober today. The depression sucks, and it’s lingering like a stale fart under the sheets at night. Every time I think it’s gone….. someone turns over and it’s back!!

 

[Rodafina]

35 days sober today. The depression sucks, and it’s lingering like a stale fart under the sheets at night. Every time I think it’s gone….. someone turns over and it’s back!!

35 days sober and it's rough, but your sense of humor is intact! You're gonna be okay. Well done, getting over a month of sobriety under your belt.

 

[AspieChris]

It’s been pretty easy since around day 5. The main trouble lately has been stress connected to my job and being on disability. It’s just a myriad of open questions that have no answers. Retirement? Lifetime disability? Sell the house? Move out of state? Change careers?

Add those to the crap that I have been dealing with and it’s sort of a miracle that I’m still sober.