HannahMarie
New Member
Hi! I'm 27 (female), and wondering if I could be on the spectrum. I thought about all of my traits that do seem like I might be autistic, and also wrote out the things that make it seem a little less likely to try to organize my thoughts. I know no one can diagnose me here. I'm just wondering what people think.
As a toddler, I had pretty extreme meltdowns and I even self-harmed sometimes (by banging my head or scratching myself)
As a child, I was very shy. I remember not really knowing what to do/say in social situations. I dreamed of having some invisible sidekick with me to tell me what to do and say around people. I may have had selective mutism. I barely ever spoke outside of home, and there were only certain people who I felt comfortable talking to. I wouldn't ask my teachers for help if I didn't get something because I really didn't want to talk, and because I felt like it showed weakness. I refused to cry or show emotion around anyone other than my parents. I'm still similar as an adult, just to a lesser degree. I struggle with showing/understanding emotions. I often just can't find the words to express my feelings.
I'm not great at reading people. I often can't tell what people think of me. I'm passive and gullible, which makes people more likely to take advantage of me. I've always been a very passive person, and I feel like being passive has always been my coping mechanism, because I'm often unsure of whether or not my responses to social situations are appropriate. So I just hide in the background and react to stuff as little as possible. I have a hard time making eye contact, and understanding when people are joking or using sarcasm. I hate when people use gestures because I often can't interpret them. Sometimes, I feel uncomfortable being complimented. I have trouble saying affectionate things to people like "I love you". I do care about those who are close to me, but it still just feels unnatural to say those things.
I have a poor short term memory (and may need more time than the average person to learn something new). But I have a freakishly good long term memory. People can't believe some of the details I remember about the past. I can remember exactly when things happened and basically have a timeline in my head. I can memorize a huge amount of information about any topic that I'm interested in. I also have an obsession with birth dates, and memorize the birthdays of everyone I know and all kinds of random public and historical figures.
Since I was a kid, I have gotten fixated on certain topics, movies, music, etc. I can memorize a lot of facts about things I'm interested in. I have some "big" interests that last a long time, while I go through other "little" ones where it lasts maybe a couple weeks/months. When I'm interested in something, I'll just look up a lot of stuff about it on the internet. Or if it's music/movies, I listen to it over and over again or watch clips from the movie a lot.
I do what I think is "stimming" a lot. I constantly grind and click my teeth. I just pace around a lot, especially if I'm alone and just listening to music or engaging in an interest. Sometimes I have an urge to make random noises or just say random words for no reason. I have always done a lot of things with my fingers/hands. I flick and shake them a lot. I always have an urge to tap my fingernails against a book as I'm reading the words. it helps me concentrate and comprehend what I'm reading.
I have poor auditory processing skills and can never process or remember complex verbal instructions
Motor skills (particularly fine motor skills) have always been a struggle. Even as an adult, I struggle with simple tasks like locking/unlocking doors, opening packages and envelopes, holding silverware, and tying knots. It's almost impossible for me to learn to do anything involving my hands that requires several steps. I can never figure out how to use certain bottle openers, replace the staples in a stapler, etc. Sewing was a nightmare, the few times I had to try to do it in my middle school home economics class. I've never been good at ball sports, and I mostly hated P.E. class as a kid (partly because I was just bad at it, and probably partly because sports require you to be good at reading body language and subtler social cues from other players). I struggled to throw/catch balls, and always missed the ball if I tried to bat in softball. Some gross motor skills were hard for me too (like learning to ride a bike) but I did manage to do fairly well taking gymnastics and dance lessons. Even now, I enjoy dance fitness classes like Zumba, and feel pretty confident doing it and pick up the moves fairly well. I do tend to have poor spatial awareness though, and unintentionally get in people's way a lot.
I have difficulty with executive functioning. I have a hard time staying organized and keeping track of important things. I have no sense of direction and probably wouldn't be able to drive if it weren't for GPS. I am terrible at time management.
Since I was a kid, I've always daydreamed constantly and been in my own world. I'm almost always making up fantasies in my head (either about an imaginary world, or sometimes I'll imagine conversations that I might like to have with real people that I know) unless I'm doing something that requires total concentration. As a kid, I used to create imaginary worlds based on books that I read, and I'd often pretend I was one of the characters in the book and that the other people around me in the real world were characters too.
I associate words with certain tastes.
When I'm writing, I always feel like I have to include every relevant detail and tend to be very long-winded (I guess you can tell from this post!). I am known to be a very "analytical" person.
People think I'm way younger than I am. Part of it is just because I'm short and naturally look young, but I think part of it is also because of the way I communicate and carry myself. I also tend to dress very simply (more for comfort than looks) and have almost no sense of fashion. I'm not interested in makeup or doing stuff with my hair, so having just a straight, simple hairstyle and wearing simple clothes also probablymakes me look younger. I'm 27 but could still be mistaken for a 14 or 15 year old. I also just feel so young and kind of socially/emotionally immature compared to my peers. Pretty much since I was in middle school, I've never felt my age, and I've felt so much younger than my peers.
These are the things that make it seem less likely that I'm on the spectrum:
I seemed to have pretty normal facial expressions. I'm smiling in most of my baby/childhood photos. Of course, most of those photos were taken by my mom or someone I was familiar with. I have always found it unnatural to try to smile at strangers or people I don't know that well.
I didn't have a delay in speech
Even though I did have those meltdowns that I mentioned earlier and I self-harmed, I only did that for a short time. It was pretty much at ages 1-2. After that, I "mellowed out" a lot, as my mom puts it, and I was, for the most part, a calm, easygoing, and well-behaved kid. And I was so shy and never wanted to show emotion or draw attention to myself, so I wouldn't have had a meltdown in public at that point.
I've never had severe sensory issues that I can remember. I was scared of loud noises when I was little, and I was a bit of a picky eater and didn't like textures of certain foods or anything that tasted too strong. I've never liked having unbrushed hair. Not because I'm worried about how it looks. This may sound weird, but I kind of just have this imagined "feeling" of my hair being tangled and not brushed and I hate it. It's worse if I go outside in the cold/heat. I also don't like having aftertastes in my mouth and especially hate going outside in cold weather when I do. I have some light sensitivity, and usually wear sunglasses to the dentist because the overhead light bothers me. I'm more okay with noise if it's constant. If I'm at a crowded event and it's just loud, it doesn't bother me. But noises with a start-and-stop nature bother me more. I also can be very angered by sounds that people make (loudly clearing their throats, chewing gum, etc.). I also wear jeans that are a little too big because I hate the feeling of clothes being tight at all. But that's about the extent of my sensory issues.
I have at least some social awareness. Most people would describe me as a nice person. I typically know if something is impolite to say, and haven't often been told that I said something rude. I don't incessantly talk about my interests with people because I know they might get bored. There are certain interests that I keep to myself, and I am overly private/secretive about them.
I have always had friends. I never initiated friendships with other kids, but if a kid did want to play, I'd just go along with it. I've never had tons of friends or made friends really easily, but I've always had 2 or 3 close friends who I could really connect with. I do seem to have a harder time keeping friends as an adult. Two of my current friends are girls I've been friends with since I was a kid. I have had a few other friends that I'd hang out with, but then they just seemed to lose interest in me.
I have enough control over my stims to where I don't do it in front of people. I click and grind my teeth because it's not noticeable, but I only do the finger stuff when I'm alone. I might just squeeze my hands together or squeeze a pen in public if I feel I really need to.
I had a normal childhood. Most people just thought I was a shy. My parents never thought anything was wrong, and they'd say I'm overthinking things if I told them I might have ASD. Most of my teachers loved me.
I don't have a huge need for the same routine every day.
I have empathy. I just have a hard time showing it. I don't know how to comfort people.
As a toddler, I had pretty extreme meltdowns and I even self-harmed sometimes (by banging my head or scratching myself)
As a child, I was very shy. I remember not really knowing what to do/say in social situations. I dreamed of having some invisible sidekick with me to tell me what to do and say around people. I may have had selective mutism. I barely ever spoke outside of home, and there were only certain people who I felt comfortable talking to. I wouldn't ask my teachers for help if I didn't get something because I really didn't want to talk, and because I felt like it showed weakness. I refused to cry or show emotion around anyone other than my parents. I'm still similar as an adult, just to a lesser degree. I struggle with showing/understanding emotions. I often just can't find the words to express my feelings.
I'm not great at reading people. I often can't tell what people think of me. I'm passive and gullible, which makes people more likely to take advantage of me. I've always been a very passive person, and I feel like being passive has always been my coping mechanism, because I'm often unsure of whether or not my responses to social situations are appropriate. So I just hide in the background and react to stuff as little as possible. I have a hard time making eye contact, and understanding when people are joking or using sarcasm. I hate when people use gestures because I often can't interpret them. Sometimes, I feel uncomfortable being complimented. I have trouble saying affectionate things to people like "I love you". I do care about those who are close to me, but it still just feels unnatural to say those things.
I have a poor short term memory (and may need more time than the average person to learn something new). But I have a freakishly good long term memory. People can't believe some of the details I remember about the past. I can remember exactly when things happened and basically have a timeline in my head. I can memorize a huge amount of information about any topic that I'm interested in. I also have an obsession with birth dates, and memorize the birthdays of everyone I know and all kinds of random public and historical figures.
Since I was a kid, I have gotten fixated on certain topics, movies, music, etc. I can memorize a lot of facts about things I'm interested in. I have some "big" interests that last a long time, while I go through other "little" ones where it lasts maybe a couple weeks/months. When I'm interested in something, I'll just look up a lot of stuff about it on the internet. Or if it's music/movies, I listen to it over and over again or watch clips from the movie a lot.
I do what I think is "stimming" a lot. I constantly grind and click my teeth. I just pace around a lot, especially if I'm alone and just listening to music or engaging in an interest. Sometimes I have an urge to make random noises or just say random words for no reason. I have always done a lot of things with my fingers/hands. I flick and shake them a lot. I always have an urge to tap my fingernails against a book as I'm reading the words. it helps me concentrate and comprehend what I'm reading.
I have poor auditory processing skills and can never process or remember complex verbal instructions
Motor skills (particularly fine motor skills) have always been a struggle. Even as an adult, I struggle with simple tasks like locking/unlocking doors, opening packages and envelopes, holding silverware, and tying knots. It's almost impossible for me to learn to do anything involving my hands that requires several steps. I can never figure out how to use certain bottle openers, replace the staples in a stapler, etc. Sewing was a nightmare, the few times I had to try to do it in my middle school home economics class. I've never been good at ball sports, and I mostly hated P.E. class as a kid (partly because I was just bad at it, and probably partly because sports require you to be good at reading body language and subtler social cues from other players). I struggled to throw/catch balls, and always missed the ball if I tried to bat in softball. Some gross motor skills were hard for me too (like learning to ride a bike) but I did manage to do fairly well taking gymnastics and dance lessons. Even now, I enjoy dance fitness classes like Zumba, and feel pretty confident doing it and pick up the moves fairly well. I do tend to have poor spatial awareness though, and unintentionally get in people's way a lot.
I have difficulty with executive functioning. I have a hard time staying organized and keeping track of important things. I have no sense of direction and probably wouldn't be able to drive if it weren't for GPS. I am terrible at time management.
Since I was a kid, I've always daydreamed constantly and been in my own world. I'm almost always making up fantasies in my head (either about an imaginary world, or sometimes I'll imagine conversations that I might like to have with real people that I know) unless I'm doing something that requires total concentration. As a kid, I used to create imaginary worlds based on books that I read, and I'd often pretend I was one of the characters in the book and that the other people around me in the real world were characters too.
I associate words with certain tastes.
When I'm writing, I always feel like I have to include every relevant detail and tend to be very long-winded (I guess you can tell from this post!). I am known to be a very "analytical" person.
People think I'm way younger than I am. Part of it is just because I'm short and naturally look young, but I think part of it is also because of the way I communicate and carry myself. I also tend to dress very simply (more for comfort than looks) and have almost no sense of fashion. I'm not interested in makeup or doing stuff with my hair, so having just a straight, simple hairstyle and wearing simple clothes also probablymakes me look younger. I'm 27 but could still be mistaken for a 14 or 15 year old. I also just feel so young and kind of socially/emotionally immature compared to my peers. Pretty much since I was in middle school, I've never felt my age, and I've felt so much younger than my peers.
These are the things that make it seem less likely that I'm on the spectrum:
I seemed to have pretty normal facial expressions. I'm smiling in most of my baby/childhood photos. Of course, most of those photos were taken by my mom or someone I was familiar with. I have always found it unnatural to try to smile at strangers or people I don't know that well.
I didn't have a delay in speech
Even though I did have those meltdowns that I mentioned earlier and I self-harmed, I only did that for a short time. It was pretty much at ages 1-2. After that, I "mellowed out" a lot, as my mom puts it, and I was, for the most part, a calm, easygoing, and well-behaved kid. And I was so shy and never wanted to show emotion or draw attention to myself, so I wouldn't have had a meltdown in public at that point.
I've never had severe sensory issues that I can remember. I was scared of loud noises when I was little, and I was a bit of a picky eater and didn't like textures of certain foods or anything that tasted too strong. I've never liked having unbrushed hair. Not because I'm worried about how it looks. This may sound weird, but I kind of just have this imagined "feeling" of my hair being tangled and not brushed and I hate it. It's worse if I go outside in the cold/heat. I also don't like having aftertastes in my mouth and especially hate going outside in cold weather when I do. I have some light sensitivity, and usually wear sunglasses to the dentist because the overhead light bothers me. I'm more okay with noise if it's constant. If I'm at a crowded event and it's just loud, it doesn't bother me. But noises with a start-and-stop nature bother me more. I also can be very angered by sounds that people make (loudly clearing their throats, chewing gum, etc.). I also wear jeans that are a little too big because I hate the feeling of clothes being tight at all. But that's about the extent of my sensory issues.
I have at least some social awareness. Most people would describe me as a nice person. I typically know if something is impolite to say, and haven't often been told that I said something rude. I don't incessantly talk about my interests with people because I know they might get bored. There are certain interests that I keep to myself, and I am overly private/secretive about them.
I have always had friends. I never initiated friendships with other kids, but if a kid did want to play, I'd just go along with it. I've never had tons of friends or made friends really easily, but I've always had 2 or 3 close friends who I could really connect with. I do seem to have a harder time keeping friends as an adult. Two of my current friends are girls I've been friends with since I was a kid. I have had a few other friends that I'd hang out with, but then they just seemed to lose interest in me.
I have enough control over my stims to where I don't do it in front of people. I click and grind my teeth because it's not noticeable, but I only do the finger stuff when I'm alone. I might just squeeze my hands together or squeeze a pen in public if I feel I really need to.
I had a normal childhood. Most people just thought I was a shy. My parents never thought anything was wrong, and they'd say I'm overthinking things if I told them I might have ASD. Most of my teachers loved me.
I don't have a huge need for the same routine every day.
I have empathy. I just have a hard time showing it. I don't know how to comfort people.
