Help with big family events

[Athyrium]

I've always really struggled with large groups of people, but this upcoming 4th of July I promised my wife I would go her extended family get together and finally meet her extended family (30+ people). I am very very stressed to do so. I get overwhelmed easily in large groups and loud noise. I am vegan and am worried the smells will get to me. Also, her family is really christian, and we are a lesbian couple, so I'm not sure how that's going to go. I'm also very worried because since coming out years ago, my entire family cut me off, so this will be the first family event I go to and I'm worried emotions will be a little raw/too much to handle.

We are going to leave well before the fireworks start. Also, since they have a big outdoor space, we'll be bringing our dog, who I can go on walks with and just hold if I get too overwhelmed. I'm also going to bring my switch so I can play Stardew Valley. But otherwise I don't really have many ideas on how to avoid a lot of stress.

On a lighter note, wearing shorts or a skirt is also something I am debating.

How do you all manage big get-togethers like this?

 

[Rodafina]

Ug. I’m with you. Very challenging situation for me. Some ideas…

I also use the dog’s needs as a convenient way to meet my own needs. Plus, they bring such comfort. Glad you will have your pup. Also, it gives you something to talk about.

Locate the bathroom and utilize long bathroom breaks as a respite from the activity!

If you can, have an exit strategy. Like a reason to leave a bit early. You may not need it, but knowing a clear end time helps me alot.

Go with the comfiest clothes possible! You don’t want any stress over discomfort on your own self… there will be enough of that in the environment.

Have something to look forward to afterwards. For many people, the party is the fun thing, but for some of us, the relief that the party is over and going back to our normal routines is the fun thing. Maybe you can have something that you actually enjoy set up for right after the party. Even if it’s just your favorite drink or a nice book, or stopping somewhere with just you and your wife to look at the stars.

 

[MC1Rcat]

I agree w/ Rodafina...also, if you are concerned that food or drink options may be non-vegan, I would make some thing/s to bring with you... enough that can be shared w/ everyone. That way you can have something you can eat, and they will appreciate that you contributed to the event.

 

[All-Rounder]

About skirt vs shorts for me it depends on how the weather will be.

For a family meeting and outing in town whichever looks more smart. At home you can change.

I get super anxious and look away from people or hang with the dog and listen to the chit chat. I'm not sure that's an option for you if you're just meeting them now, it would be kind to at least pay attention to the talks, even if you don't make much eye contact. just relax and listen if it's too much, people like a comfortable atmosphere where they can be listened to.

 

[Athyrium]

Ug. I’m with you. Very challenging situation for me. Some ideas…

I also use the dog’s needs as a convenient way to meet my own needs. Plus, they bring such comfort. Glad you will have your pup. Also, it gives you something to talk about.

Locate the bathroom and utilize long bathroom breaks as a respite from the activity!

If you can, have an exit strategy. Like a reason to leave a bit early. You may not need it, but knowing a clear end time helps me alot.

Go with the comfiest clothes possible! You don’t want any stress over discomfort on your own self… there will be enough of that in the environment.

Have something to look forward to afterwards. For many people, the party is the fun thing, but for some of us, the relief that the party is over and going back to our normal routines is the fun thing. Maybe you can have something that you actually enjoy set up for right after the party. Even if it’s just your favorite drink or a nice book, or stopping somewhere with just you and your wife to look at the stars.

Thank you very much! I'm really excited to have my dog with me too, she'll be so helpful. My wife and I will talk about setting a clear end time, thank you for that one very much. Also very comfy clothes is what I am hoping to wear. We're also going to talk about doing something fun afterwards. Thank you so much for so many ideas.

I agree w/ Rodafina...also, if you are concerned that food or drink options may be non-vegan, I would make some thing/s to bring with you... enough that can be shared w/ everyone. That way you can have something you can eat, and they will appreciate that you contributed to the event.

Thank you very much. I am planning on bringing my own food, with some to share. I'm more worried about just the smells being too much for me.

About skirt vs shorts for me it depends on how the weather will be.

For a family meeting and outing in town whichever looks more smart. At home you can change.

I get super anxious and look away from people or hang with the dog and listen to the chit chat. I'm not sure that's an option for you if you're just meeting them now, it would be kind to at least pay attention to the talks, even if you don't make much eye contact. just relax and listen if it's too much, people like a comfortable atmosphere where they can be listened to.

Thank you for your insight and advice. I think I skirt will be more comfy since it'll be mostly outside (I like my skirts like mid-calf) but we will see, if it's really hot I may choose shorts. It sounds like my wife's family get togethers are pretty casual thankfully. I will definitely focus on my doggo and listen. I tend to be extremely quiet the first couple times I meet people anyways.