Help..My 11 yo girl starting puberty

[grav]

My daughter is diagnosed high functioning PDD-NOS. She struggles with speech and social situations although behind academically attends mainstream school and has some regular friends. Lately i've notice her friend although not mean are starting to outgrow her and spend more time with other kids which is making Eva(my daughter) anxious.
She's very well behaved, loving, enjoys hugs, chats, laughs and has a good sense of humor and gets on well with her 17 yo sister.
In the space of 2 weeks all that has changed, has become naughty, withdrawn, staring endlessly into space or just walking up and down the hallway, become affectionate. Wont respond to questions or requests until you ask repeatedly or raise your voice. Also says some really strange stuff like "your not my real parents" or "your trying to trick me". Just the expression on her face she looks sad or concerned. I know a lot of this behavior is Autism related but she has never displayed this in her life and the space of 2 weeks? shes like a totally different child. Needless to say my wife and i are deeply concerned and at a total loss. She has started signs of puberty and the only thing we can put it down to is a change in hormones, plus maybe the tension of starting high school next year.
I guess my question boils down to are there any other parents out there that have experienced similar issues with your child and how did you deal with it? The sudden enormous change in her personality has hit us hard and really need advice on how to bring her back or at least deal with it.
I know I'm not the only parent with challenges but thanks for your input and taking the time to read my thread.

 

[Judge]

I had "bits and pieces" of traits and behaviors in my younger years, but they really started to show up at puberty for me. Though it was at a time long before Dr. Asperger's research was accepted by the APA. Could it have been triggered through biochemical changes through puberty? I have no idea.

Going to school and dealing with my peers at that point became quite stressful for me. And yes, I tried to keep a lot of it hidden from my parents. Though I think my mother knew somewhat what I was going through although she had no idea that I could be on the spectrum of autism.

 

[OkRad]

If she continues to be paranoid you might want to take her for eval. She could have a psychotic episode or a brain issue. MANY people w organic brain disorders have been told it is mental illness when it was not. If it gets bad please take her to a neurologist to rule out brain disorder and if that is clear an updated psych might be warranted.

 

[Streetwise]

My daughter is diagnosed high functioning PDD-NOS. She struggles with speech and social situations although behind academically attends mainstream school and has some regular friends. Lately i've notice her friend although not mean are starting to outgrow her and spend more time with other kids which is making Eva(my daughter) anxious.
She's very well behaved, loving, enjoys hugs, chats, laughs and has a good sense of humor and gets on well with her 17 yo sister.
In the space of 2 weeks all that has changed, has become naughty, withdrawn, staring endlessly into space or just walking up and down the hallway, become affectionate. Wont respond to questions or requests until you ask repeatedly or raise your voice. Also says some really strange stuff like "your not my real parents" or "your trying to trick me". Just the expression on her face she looks sad or concerned. I know a lot of this behavior is Autism related but she has never displayed this in her life and the space of 2 weeks? shes like a totally different child. Needless to say my wife and i are deeply concerned and at a total loss. She has started signs of puberty and the only thing we can put it down to is a change in hormones, plus maybe the tension of starting high school next year.
I guess my question boils down to are there any other parents out there that have experienced similar issues with your child and how did you deal with it? The sudden enormous change in her personality has hit us hard and really need advice on how to bring her back or at least deal with it.
I know I'm not the only parent with challenges but thanks for your input and taking the time to read my thread.

Welcome

 

[Alaska]

My daughter is diagnosed high functioning PDD-NOS. She struggles with speech and social situations although behind academically attends mainstream school and has some regular friends. Lately i've notice her friend although not mean are starting to outgrow her and spend more time with other kids which is making Eva(my daughter) anxious.
She's very well behaved, loving, enjoys hugs, chats, laughs and has a good sense of humor and gets on well with her 17 yo sister.
In the space of 2 weeks all that has changed, has become naughty, withdrawn, staring endlessly into space or just walking up and down the hallway, become affectionate. Wont respond to questions or requests until you ask repeatedly or raise your voice. Also says some really strange stuff like "your not my real parents" or "your trying to trick me". Just the expression on her face she looks sad or concerned. I know a lot of this behavior is Autism related but she has never displayed this in her life and the space of 2 weeks? shes like a totally different child. Needless to say my wife and i are deeply concerned and at a total loss. She has started signs of puberty and the only thing we can put it down to is a change in hormones, plus maybe the tension of starting high school next year.
I guess my question boils down to are there any other parents out there that have experienced similar issues with your child and how did you deal with it? The sudden enormous change in her personality has hit us hard and really need advice on how to bring her back or at least deal with it.
I know I'm not the only parent with challenges but thanks for your input and taking the time to read my thread.

Hi Grav. Welcome to AF!!!

We have several great parents on here that can probably offer advice and resources that will be helpful to you. It may slow the process down a little by putting up your first post on Friday. Be patient and if that is too hard and you find the time, you can do searches of threads and resources and try the chat room.

 

[Starfire]

Hi @grav, I could have written much of what you did! I understand what a difficult time it is for you and Eva. I think that you're right that much of the change in behaviour could be caused by Eva's body being flooded with hormones, and mix that with the autism, stress, and uncertainty about starting high school which will undoubtably be on her mind, it's a lot to cope with when you're 11. We also experienced a very swift change with my elder daughter who is on the spectrum, when she hit 11 and began puberty, she's 14 now. She changed from being friendly, happy, helpful and enjoying cuddles to being the opposite. She now is very secretive and distant, extremely bad tempered and disrespectful to us all and cannot abide any touch. Even when she's upset and offered a hug, she will always say "no thank you" and ask to be left alone. Like Eva, her childhood friends have all moved on and she has only one or two friends she sees from time to time. We've just had 6 weeks summer holiday from school, and no one called her, or asked her to hang out or came around to chill, she was on her own, so sad.

My daughter has also said some strange stuff. I remember on one occasion when not getting her own way, she stared straight into my wife's eyes and calmly said "I'll burn the house down when you're all sleeping!" It was quite chilling, and around the time when we became increasingly concerned about her behaviour. The not responding and raised voices etc are also very familiar.

You asked how do others deal with it, and for parents like us it is very difficult. I think you have to take a step back, and try to begin a process of acceptance that little Eva who was fun, tactile, a joy to be with, is being shed like a second skin and the beginning of Eva the woman has started. I know that the change was so fast for my wife and I, that we almost had to go through a sort of grieving process because our little girl left so suddenly, and never came back. She was replaced by a big, angry, difficult and demanding young woman.

I would be reluctant to recommend a GP visit for perhaps anti-anxiety meds, because it's my opinion that they would only mask the changes, which are natural. However, you of course have to do what you believe is right for Eva. Perhaps you have a counsellor or therapist you could be referred to where she could perhaps talk about what's going on, who could act like a mediator? If you contact the team who diagnosed Eva they could perhaps offer some guidance or recommend resources. Other than that it's a case of giving it time, and doing your best to make her feel loved, safe, secure and supported in a big frightening world in which her body and feeling are all changing in, and allowing nature to take its course. Find some support for yourselves too, perhaps a parent group or autism support resources for parents. Feel free to contact me too here, or in private message if you prefer. I don't know what help I can be but we're walking in the same shoes.

 

[Alaska]

Hi @grav, I could have written much of what you did! I understand what a difficult time it is for you and Eva. I think that you're right that much of the change in behaviour could be caused by Eva's body being flooded with hormones, and mix that with the autism, stress, and uncertainty about starting high school which will undoubtably be on her mind, it's a lot to cope with when you're 11. We also experienced a very swift change with my elder daughter who is on the spectrum, when she hit 11 and began puberty, she's 14 now. She changed from being friendly, happy, helpful and enjoying cuddles to being the opposite. She now is very secretive and distant, extremely bad tempered and disrespectful to us all and cannot abide any touch. Even when she's upset and offered a hug, she will always say "no thank you" and ask to be left alone. Like Eva, her childhood friends have all moved on and she has only one or two friends she sees from time to time. We've just had 6 weeks summer holiday from school, and no one called her, or asked her to hang out or came around to chill, she was on her own, so sad.

My daughter has also said some strange stuff. I remember on one occasion when not getting her own way, she stared straight into my wife's eyes and calmly said "I'll burn the house down when you're all sleeping!" It was quite chilling, and around the time when we became increasingly concerned about her behaviour. The not responding and raised voices etc are also very familiar.

You asked how do others deal with it, and for parents like us it is very difficult. I think you have to take a step back, and try to begin a process of acceptance that little Eva who was fun, tactile, a joy to be with, is being shed like a second skin and the beginning of Eva the woman has started. I know that the change was so fast for my wife and I, that we almost had to go through a sort of grieving process because our little girl left so suddenly, and never came back. She was replaced by a big, angry, difficult and demanding young woman.

I would be reluctant to recommend a GP visit for perhaps anti-anxiety meds, because it's my opinion that they would only mask the changes, which are natural. However, you of course have to do what you believe is right for Eva. Perhaps you have a counsellor or therapist you could be referred to where she could perhaps talk about what's going on, who could act like a mediator? If you contact the team who diagnosed Eva they could perhaps offer some guidance or recommend resources. Other than that it's a case of giving it time, and doing your best to make her feel loved, safe, secure and supported in a big frightening world in which her body and feeling are all changing in, and allowing nature to take its course. Find some support for yourselves too, perhaps a parent group or autism support resources for parents. Feel free to contact me too here, or in private message if you prefer. I don't know what help I can be but we're walking in the same shoes.

Support from people who are suffering the same problems can be very worthwhile.

 

[grav]

Thanks for all your helping reply's, we have some challenges ahead. Our first call will be a child psychologist to get some understanding and strategies to move forward..