Help me understand my behavior.

[Iamnotarabot]

I ask for your personnal experience because as I already told I have been recently diagnosed, but I dont have a real follow up on anything and I am still left alone in a state of mostly ignorance about how it actually impatcs my behavior.


For instance I noticed that sometimes when I do little task like folding my shirts or even just washing the dishes or other stuff, if I am pissed or stressed , my movements with my arms are like impared, I have trouble stretching my arm in one go..my movements feel saccadic.

Or another thing for instance when I come back from unni I just cant handle talking to my parents its not that I dont like them but I want to withdrawn and almost do nothing, and I am in very bad mood for like more than 1h...I dont like it but I cant realy help it with all the negative feelings that I get from everything outside...At this moment I can seem mean but this is not realy intended.

How can you classify this things according to your own experience?

 

[Pats]

My movements are more limited the more stressed I am. I've been in many situations that I'm frozen to the point that I couldn't even move a finger.
Sounds like your need to retreat and (maybe not being able to?) turns into anger. That feeling of wanting to withdraw and do nothing is your way of finding refuge. The world is a harsh place and can be hard to take.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

My movements are more limited the more stressed I am. I've been in many situations that I'm frozen to the point that I couldn't even move a finger.
Sounds like your need to retreat and (maybe not being able to?) turns into anger. That feeling of wanting to withdraw and do nothing is your way of finding refuge. The world is a harsh place and can be hard to take.

I was actually pissed off all morning yeah, I am trying to start another year at unni but everything in the way is bothering me and now that I know I have ASD I understand why I have been having so many problems at unni for years...
that doesnt solve them thought, people will still mach their keyboard like monkeys to the point where I need to be as far as possible from them...

The lights in some rooms realy hurts and I remember that one year I had an exam in this room and this was terrible to even focus on the exam.

And every little thing stack up to the point my head is full of negative thinking, I could do bad stuff when I am in this mood like eating way too much ( which I did)

What do you mean by limited movement?
Do yo feel like your arms is like not moving in one go but your movement is being stopped while you are doing it ? Like simply the movement of strechting the arm to get something is broken down into 6 little movements? Thats how I feel like a robot with low battery xD

 

[Pats]

What do you mean by limited movement?
Do yo feel like your arms is like not moving in one go but your movement is being stopped while you are doing it ? Like simply the movement of stretching the arm to get something is broken down into 6 little movements?

'Movement is completely frozen at times. and I become like a statue. Other times, it's limited to inability to do something. Like feeling nervous and stressed while talking to a therapist. I'm burning up but unable to go through the motions of removing my sweater. Like I can not raise my arms high enough to reach the sweater.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

Movement is completely frozen at times. and I become like a statue. Other times, it's limited to inability to do something

I had that earlier this year and even before, not outside but when I'm at home, we lmay not talk about the same thing but iv read it might be related to depression, like being in a chair and thinking you need to do smthg but you dont even stand for minutes.

for the second part of your message I think we live the same stuff xD

 

[Bella Pines]

I just cant handle talking to my parents its not that I dont like them but I want to withdrawn and almost do nothing, and I am in very bad mood for like more than 1h... At this moment I can seem mean but this is not realy intended.

It's not you, it's them

I have the same reaction after talking to my neighbours and my in-laws. The exchange could be perfectly pleasant, very little said and I'll be in a foul mood for hours. For us, there is always a reason. Personally, I can't abide their existence. They retired early on a really good pension and are mostly bored and looking for human interaction. They don't really want to talk to me, they are looking for either entertainment or validation, mixed in with an expectation as to how I should respond. They don't contribute anything to the world, they are happy to simply exist. I see this as a waste of oxygen and resent them for impeding other people who do have purpose and will never have the opportunity to retire.

This goes through my head in the first few seconds of the interaction. It's like I've had an existential argument with them. Of course they weren't part of the argument and so see my behaviour as mean, rude and baffling!

So try to analyse what happens in your head when you talk to them. Do they have expectations of you, how you should behave? Do they put pressure on you to be something else? What is the unspoken conversation that you have with them in your head? That conversation or argument is why you end up in a bad mood.

And if you figure out how to perform the interaction without being grumpy afterward then let me know!

 

[onlything]

My close ones already know that after spending time outside with people, be it with them or not, I need to retreat. If they don't realise, I tell them calmly that I need some time for myself and I will come back to them when I feel better. They understand now but we used to have many arguments and miscommunications when they tried to talk to me in this situation in the past since if I cannot retreat I turn either depressed or really angry. It's better to just leave me to my own devices for half hour than risk a meltdown and then days long shutdown.

Have you tried telling them that you need some time for yourself and you will join them soon?

And yes, the more I'm stressed, the more clumsy I become. The easier it is to trip or drop things, or hit myself on doors or other people, or walk into a lantern. Quite embarassing at times.

 

[Progster]

Or another thing for instance when I come back from unni I just cant handle talking to my parents its not that I dont like them but I want to withdrawn and almost do nothing, and I am in very bad mood for like more than 1h...I dont like it but I cant realy help it with all the negative feelings that I get from everything outside...At this moment I can seem mean but this is not realy intended.

I experienced this when I was at school - I used to head straight for the bathroom with a book and read in the bath for an hour. It was because I was worn out and needed alone time before I could talk to people, and also because my parents were bossing me around, asking me things or criticising me, telling me to do this, do that, etc, when I just wanted to be alone.

I don't experience the not being able to move my limbs when stressed - on the contrary, I tend to lose control of my body and act wildly when over-stimulated - excited or angry, I flap my hands wildly or suddenly run across the room, and it's something that is involuntary and I don't even realise I'm doing it until I'm half way through or find myself at the other side of the room!