Help and Advice

[Ben Dollery]

Hi guys. I hope this is the right place to post this.

Recently whilst reading through quite a lot of the posts on here, I have become aware that a lot of conversations have been around the fact that quite a few of us on the spectrum or with ASD find it very hard to find successful relationships.

I'm 26 and have never had a relationship or even been close to having one. I get quite wound up and depressed by this, as it's something I would like to at least experience. Like some other people on here, I do fear and worry that I'll forever be alone and can get quite uptight and even angry about it.

Back in 2014, whilst I was studying business admin at College, there was a girl in my class who I quite liked, and I did try and ask her out for a drink the best I could, but unfortunately nothing ever came of it and she didn't really say much, so obviously she wasn't interested. For a while afterwards I was so scared that I'd done something wrong, but eventually I did feel better, even though I felt a bit awkward in class every week from that moment on, because it felt a bit strange.

I quite often find myself looking at nice girls, because I like them and the way they look, but I always assume and am convinced that they won't be looking or interested in me, which makes me feel depressed.

Earlier on this year I decided it would be good to try online dating, as this way it may be easier to make contact and communicate with girls online, because I do find it easier to talk online, mostly because I have a stammer which doesn't do my confidence a lot of good. I signed up to eharmony which I gather is one of the best available. However so far I have had no success, even though I have tried sending some messages to matches I like, as well as sending smiley faces and I don't seem to be getting anywhere.

I just wondered if anyone on here has tried online dating and had any success from it, if so I was wondering if anyone could give me any advice or tips as to getting good results or communicating.

Hope this makes sense. Thanks guys.

 

[Judge]

Perhaps you can consider another option as one on the spectrum of autism.

To focus on only making friends and go from there. Completely "sidestep" the whole institution of dating, which is horribly contrived with expectations and ritualistic behaviors. Just too much pressure. A form of socialization overload for me.

Not that you want to every friendship to turn into something else, but sometimes it does happen. All my relationships were developed in such a manner. Dating was just not for me...and I knew it. I didn't know why at the time, but only that it was simply too stressful compared to just being friends and being myself.

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

I just wondered if anyone on here has tried online dating and had any success from it, if so I was wondering if anyone could give me any advice or tips as to getting good results or communicating.

Try dating an Aspie. Once you go Aspie, you'll never go back to NT. I should know—I married one. The site I used to find her (Aspieology.com) shut down recently, but I'm sure there are others around. Maybe www.aspie-singles.com? I've also heard that going on NT dating sites and announcing that you're an Aspie could work. Most NT's would steer clear of you once they read on your profile that you are an Aspie, but many Aspies who are reluctant to put that on their profile would conceivably be interested in you, and they would be glad that you were brave enough to "out" yourself.

Also, look for meetups in your area for Aspie Adults. Maybe Aspergers support groups, too, although finding a date shouldn't be the primary purpose for going to those. But if you go to one seeking support and happen to find something in common with someone else in the group, then bonus!

 

[Ben Dollery]

Thank you very much for the suggestions and the ideas guys, it's much appreciated. I have to say that since I discovered this site and these forums, I've certainly found it extremely helpful to me and some situations that I find myself in. Thanks.