Cupcake
Active Member
Oh hi there! I have never participated in an online forum before, but after a recent discovery that Aspergers resonates with my life experience I felt the need to reach out.
I'm 42 and have had a lifetime of social f'ups, job/interview fails, intense anxiety, depression, OCD behaviors, etc. My work requires very little face-time with people, which is perfect because social courtesy, appropriate responses, emotional bonding....these are not things I'm good at. People tend to see me as rigid and uncomfortable in my own skin. I work from home a lot, which helps with my need to control my environment and limits distractions/surprises. My work is fun when it involves data, research, planning...and not so fun when it involves people. I fall all over my words and tend to be hyper-critical of others. I'm a lot better at writing than talking. Writing helps me organize my thoughts. When I talk it's like all my thoughts are racing to out of my face before I forget them. Not sure many people ever really understand me.
Somehow, despite my many flaws, I am in a long-term relationship with the most patient person in the world. She and I have been together for 10 years. She loves me despite all my bluntness and insensitivity. We're both women.
Three areas of interest for me are health, environment and (non)religion. I really enjoy structuring my day to include a workout of some sort (I'm a member of 2 gyms + weight watchers). Mainly doing all that so I can have the best body possible and eat a hamburger or candy bar from time to time without guilt, but it also helps with my anxiety. The environmentalism is a double-edged sword. I can only focus on my own actions...the masses are asses and just keep reproducing and consuming like there's no tomorrow. I'm not religious whatsoever....grew up Southern Baptist and I could never get my head around why so many people choose to ignore science/history and build their lives around fiction. As such, I have a fondness for the plight of the non-theists, particularly those who rejected their inherited religion. My wife and I have gone to zen centers a few times...that's about as close as I get to spirituality. I consider Buddhism as more of a life philosophy and meditation does help slow my mind down.
Most of the time I just want to be left alone, have more privacy, and take care of things in my own way without having to explain my methods to others. Whenever I open up to anyone new (say, my therapist), I just obsess about the impression I've made, what that person must be thinking, etc. to the point of paralysis and/or anxiety attack. I'm bad to pick my skin, bite my nails and talk to myself. I take Wellbutrin for depression and Lorazepam for anxiety.
Well there's my whole life in a nutshell. Can anyone relate?
I'm 42 and have had a lifetime of social f'ups, job/interview fails, intense anxiety, depression, OCD behaviors, etc. My work requires very little face-time with people, which is perfect because social courtesy, appropriate responses, emotional bonding....these are not things I'm good at. People tend to see me as rigid and uncomfortable in my own skin. I work from home a lot, which helps with my need to control my environment and limits distractions/surprises. My work is fun when it involves data, research, planning...and not so fun when it involves people. I fall all over my words and tend to be hyper-critical of others. I'm a lot better at writing than talking. Writing helps me organize my thoughts. When I talk it's like all my thoughts are racing to out of my face before I forget them. Not sure many people ever really understand me.
Somehow, despite my many flaws, I am in a long-term relationship with the most patient person in the world. She and I have been together for 10 years. She loves me despite all my bluntness and insensitivity. We're both women.
Three areas of interest for me are health, environment and (non)religion. I really enjoy structuring my day to include a workout of some sort (I'm a member of 2 gyms + weight watchers). Mainly doing all that so I can have the best body possible and eat a hamburger or candy bar from time to time without guilt, but it also helps with my anxiety. The environmentalism is a double-edged sword. I can only focus on my own actions...the masses are asses and just keep reproducing and consuming like there's no tomorrow. I'm not religious whatsoever....grew up Southern Baptist and I could never get my head around why so many people choose to ignore science/history and build their lives around fiction. As such, I have a fondness for the plight of the non-theists, particularly those who rejected their inherited religion. My wife and I have gone to zen centers a few times...that's about as close as I get to spirituality. I consider Buddhism as more of a life philosophy and meditation does help slow my mind down.
Most of the time I just want to be left alone, have more privacy, and take care of things in my own way without having to explain my methods to others. Whenever I open up to anyone new (say, my therapist), I just obsess about the impression I've made, what that person must be thinking, etc. to the point of paralysis and/or anxiety attack. I'm bad to pick my skin, bite my nails and talk to myself. I take Wellbutrin for depression and Lorazepam for anxiety.
Well there's my whole life in a nutshell. Can anyone relate?
