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Hello out there

F

franknbeans

New Member
Hello everyone,

You can call me Beans. :)

I'm mainly looking for support on how to support a loved one on the spectrum.

I have two cousins that have severe autism. They are siblings in their mid-20s. One is non-verbal (female). Her brother is verbal, but definitely not high-functioning. Please don't take this the wrong way, but because of my experience with my cousins I used to think that Autism and especially Aspergers was over diagnosed. I thought it was an "easy explanation" for being highly sensitive and shy. I have some spectrum tendencies (noticing details, obsessions, and socially awkward) but they also could be attributed to other reasons.

Anyway, my beliefs about Autism have been questioned ever since I met my boyfriend in Sept 2016. I'll call him Lefty. The nickname comes from that my boss said it's like "he is missing his left arm" I replied "well that would suck because he's left handed."

Lefty is not diagnosed but I am about convinced he is on the spectrum, he would definitely be on the high-functioning end. However, he is not seeking a diagnosis, because he thinks if he is diagnosed, there will be something "wrong" with him. He doesn't even want to accept his Eczema. Some of his traits could be explained by other conditions or personality traits and I think he has other mental conditions (high anxiety, low self-esteem, and possibly OCD & ADHD). But some of his traits, there isn't another explanation except being on the spectrum.

Lefty and I have struggled in our relationship, I plan on writing another post on the dating forum hopefully later today going into more detail. To make a long story short, its taken me a long time to realize his traits are not narcissism or entitlement, and that he does love me he just doesn't know how to show it all the time. And now I realize the truth and I love him but I still struggle with learning to manage my reactions to especially his empathy deficiency.

So here I am. Thanks for welcoming me.
 
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Welcome.

The search capability works really well, toms of experiences to read through - also start a thread with any questions you ha, this is a very supportive community.
 
Welcome, Beans! I hope you will find this community to be supportive and helpful.

Something to consider: Recent research suggests "that the fundamental problem in Asperger’s is a hypersensitivity to experience." The researchers argue "that people with Asperger’s Syndrome, rather than not feeling enough, feel too much. What looks like coldness and aloofness to the outside world is actually a response to being overwhelmed by emotion. It is an excess of empathy, not a lack of it, that plagues those with Asperger’s."
 
franknbeans said:
Hello everyone,

You can call me Beans. :)

I'm mainly looking for support on how to support a loved one on the spectrum.

I have two cousins that have severe autism. They are siblings in their mid-20s. One is non-verbal (female). Her brother is verbal, but definitely not high-functioning. Please don't take this the wrong way, but because of my experience with my cousins I used to think that Autism and especially Aspergers was over diagnosed. I thought it was an "easy explanation" for being highly sensitive and shy. I have some spectrum tendencies (noticing details, obsessions, and socially awkward) but they also could be attributed to other reasons.

Anyway, my beliefs about Autism have been questioned ever since I met my boyfriend in Sept 2016. I'll call him Lefty. The nickname comes from that my boss said it's like "he is missing his left arm" I replied "well that would suck because he's left handed."

Lefty is not diagnosed but I am about convinced he is on the spectrum, he would definitely be on the high-functioning end. However, he is not seeking a diagnosis, because he thinks if he is diagnosed, there will be something "wrong" with him. He doesn't even want to accept his Eczema. Some of his traits could be explained by other conditions or personality traits and I think he has other mental conditions (high anxiety, low self-esteem, and possibly OCD & ADHD). But some of his traits, there isn't another explanation except being on the spectrum.

Lefty and I have struggled in our relationship, I plan on writing another post on the dating forum hopefully later today going into more detail. To make a long story short, its taken me a long time to realize his traits are not narcissism or entitlement, and that he does love me he just doesn't know how to show it all the time. And now I realize the truth and I love him but I still struggle with learning to manage my reactions to especially his empathy deficiency.

So here I am. Thanks for welcoming me.
Click to expand...
I wish he could feel what I feel this is 30 years of denying anxiety not knowing how to get help !to the point that I now have a form of dementia
 
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