Hello! I'm DONE with feeling bad about myself!

[Mycota]

... Okay, well, I'm still working on that really, but anyhow! HELLO!

I'm Mycota and I've been diagnosed with ASD and Sensory Processing and Integration Disorder since I was just shy of 18. I'm 26 now! 8 Years of coming to an understanding of why I am the way I am. It's been a ride!

I decided to join because of an incident that happened at work. Bear with me.

I was offered a promotion after 3 years of working part-time at this undisclosed location. It was perfect. I finally felt useful and wanted. I was nothing but open and honest with my employers about being Autistic-- I thought I should let them know when they hire me. Plus, it's a small town, and everyone knows everyone. They were very supportive, comfortable, and understand that I just... function a bit differently. It never got in the way of work, but it could make things a bit more complicated. For one, I'm a social butterfly and I LOVEEEE talking to people, but I can't explain how I'm doing something or how I'm making X work for the life of me.

For example, if you asked me: "Okay, so how do you make a box?"
I would tell you: "Okay so you take the cardboard and you do this-- wait. No. Hold on let me back up. You just take it, and fold this bit, and then fold another, and like this. Okay. There! Box!"

Most people have to stop me because I make them lost. So often. LOL I'm slooowly getting better at it with practice, though!

Anyhow, so back to the promotion!

I started this new position back in October, under a new supervisor. I informed her like: "Hey you probably know this already because our director does, but I am Autistic and I just want to let you know in advance because I have quirks and--"

Before I could finish, she laughs and tells me: "Oh, no you're not! You're not autistic."

I told her I was professionally diagnosed. Her reaction told me she was simply shocked, that I just "passed" well or something. It was, weird, but then it got... hurtful.

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry, but you can't use that as an excuse to make your job easier. You signed up for this."

... What? I was really taken back. I told her that I planned on informing her because I fidget with things, that I wasn't trying to make my job 'easier' and that I had been working here for 3 years with our director and most other employees knowing.

Flash forward to this February. We had a miscommunication over something and she sits me down in her office and reprimands me. I'm not going to say I didn't deserve to be scolded-- I could have phrased what I did say better. However, then she says:

"And you CAN'T look me in the eyes! That is SO disrespectful! You have NO respect for me at all!"

I... cannot look people directly in the eye. I tried to tell her why, but she told me it was no excuse. I'd never been more humiliated or ashamed of being autistic in the past 8 years. It was an ordeal. The director got involved, and it just didn't get better.

... Quarentine rolls around, and I realized that this isn't even the job I want. I want to create! I want to make art! I have been working on setting up my online business for a while now as a side project, and I've decided... I'm going to focus on it more. Go back to part time.

So, once they find someone to replace me, I'm out of here. They already know, and thankfully, are actually being really kind and supportive now. My supervisor seems... somewhat understanding, now. Has been since the incident.

Anyhow, That's my story. That's part of why I'm here. It's wonderful to meet you all, and things are only going to get better from here!

 

[Ken S.]

Welcome to the Forum. Sorry you had to experience that but am happy you are going to focus more on what interests you. I would have been much less diplomatic about the situation. What kind of art do you do?

 

[Sarah S]

Hello and warm welcome Mycota

 

[menander]

You have just described the reason why some of us will never ever tell. I am sad that happened to you.

 

[Aspychata]

Sorry about this. A lot of us fly under the radar and don't reveal. Maybe she just isn't in your fan club base and used that info to skewer you like shish kabob. I actually used it to loose a job that l didn't like. I was pretty sure the manager wanted me gone in retail.

 

[tree]

 

[Matthias]

Welcome to the forum Mycota.

I've had similar experiences. I want to share a different way of looking at it based on what I learned recently that helped me.

...I'm a social butterfly and I LOVEEEE talking to people...she laughs and tells me: "Oh, no you're not! You're not autistic."

It's common for autistic people to suffer from depression and social anxiety so when people see someone like yourself who is very social, many of them will think you're not autistic. They made a mistake because they didn't understand autism as well as they thought they did. Some people watch the movie Rainman and think everyone who is autistic is like that or they know one person who is autistic and assume every autistic person acts the same way.

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry, but you can't use that as an excuse to make your job easier. You signed up for this.

Everyone has something (whether it's ADHD, anxiety, a learning disability, fatigue, low stress tolerance, etc.) that makes their job more difficult. It's not uncommon for people to use a diagnosis as an excuse to make their job easier so it's reasonable for her to think you were doing that. Sure, she shouldn't jump to conclusions and accuse you of it but no one is perfect.

"And you CAN'T look me in the eyes! That is SO disrespectful! You have NO respect for me at all!"

Some people avoid eye contact as an act of defiance so that's probably why she misinterpreted it as disrespect and got angry. When people are angry, they can't think as clearly and are less able to listen to what you are saying.

I... cannot look people directly in the eye. I tried to tell her why, but she told me it was no excuse. I'd never been more humiliated or ashamed of being autistic in the past 8 years. It was an ordeal. The director got involved, and it just didn't get better.

Some people are bad listeners and have an aversion to what they see as excuses. They annoy me too but it's just a flaw some people have. Odds are she treated many non-autistic people the same way.

... Quarentine rolls around, and I realized that this isn't even the job I want. I want to create! I want to make art! I have been working on setting up my online business for a while now as a side project, and I've decided... I'm going to focus on it more. Go back to part time.

So, once they find someone to replace me, I'm out of here. They already know, and thankfully, are actually being really kind and supportive now. My supervisor seems... somewhat understanding, now. Has been since the incident.

Anyhow, That's my story. That's part of why I'm here. It's wonderful to meet you all, and things are only going to get better from here!

I wrote what I did above because you're probably going to encounter the same kind of stuff many times in the future and how you think about it will make a difference in how you feel. If you really don't like the job (and aren't just upset about what happened), I think you made a good decision. I wish you the best in setting up a business creating art.

 

[cnn]

Welcome to "Being You" : )

 

[Giraffes]

Hi great advice from the above posting and i hope you are pleased that you value yourself and have self awareness to do what you love and rise above the ignorange of some employers, I've spent much of my working life after diagnosis having a miserable time, so will not be disclosing my Autism in the future, well done you and good luck with your venture.

 

[WildCat]

Welcome to the forum!

 

[Len Huppe]

... Okay, well, I'm still working on that really, but anyhow! HELLO!

I'm Mycota and I've been diagnosed with ASD and Sensory Processing and Integration Disorder since I was just shy of 18. I'm 26 now! 8 Years of coming to an understanding of why I am the way I am. It's been a ride!

I decided to join because of an incident that happened at work. Bear with me.

I was offered a promotion after 3 years of working part-time at this undisclosed location. It was perfect. I finally felt useful and wanted. I was nothing but open and honest with my employers about being Autistic-- I thought I should let them know when they hire me. Plus, it's a small town, and everyone knows everyone. They were very supportive, comfortable, and understand that I just... function a bit differently. It never got in the way of work, but it could make things a bit more complicated. For one, I'm a social butterfly and I LOVEEEE talking to people, but I can't explain how I'm doing something or how I'm making X work for the life of me.

For example, if you asked me: "Okay, so how do you make a box?"
I would tell you: "Okay so you take the cardboard and you do this-- wait. No. Hold on let me back up. You just take it, and fold this bit, and then fold another, and like this. Okay. There! Box!"

Most people have to stop me because I make them lost. So often. LOL I'm slooowly getting better at it with practice, though!

Anyhow, so back to the promotion!

I started this new position back in October, under a new supervisor. I informed her like: "Hey you probably know this already because our director does, but I am Autistic and I just want to let you know in advance because I have quirks and--"

Before I could finish, she laughs and tells me: "Oh, no you're not! You're not autistic."

I told her I was professionally diagnosed. Her reaction told me she was simply shocked, that I just "passed" well or something. It was, weird, but then it got... hurtful.

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry, but you can't use that as an excuse to make your job easier. You signed up for this."

... What? I was really taken back. I told her that I planned on informing her because I fidget with things, that I wasn't trying to make my job 'easier' and that I had been working here for 3 years with our director and most other employees knowing.

Flash forward to this February. We had a miscommunication over something and she sits me down in her office and reprimands me. I'm not going to say I didn't deserve to be scolded-- I could have phrased what I did say better. However, then she says:

"And you CAN'T look me in the eyes! That is SO disrespectful! You have NO respect for me at all!"

I... cannot look people directly in the eye. I tried to tell her why, but she told me it was no excuse. I'd never been more humiliated or ashamed of being autistic in the past 8 years. It was an ordeal. The director got involved, and it just didn't get better.

... Quarentine rolls around, and I realized that this isn't even the job I want. I want to create! I want to make art! I have been working on setting up my online business for a while now as a side project, and I've decided... I'm going to focus on it more. Go back to part time.

So, once they find someone to replace me, I'm out of here. They already know, and thankfully, are actually being really kind and supportive now. My supervisor seems... somewhat understanding, now. Has been since the incident.

Anyhow, That's my story. That's part of why I'm here. It's wonderful to meet you all, and things are only going to get better from here!

Hell Mycota and welcome!

I like your can-do attitude. Keep that up and things will get better for you! If I were you, I would not let the situation that you described at work get me down. You will face many challenges in your lifetime and they do not define you in any way. Learn what you can from each and every one of them, and then move on. At the age of 26 you are still a baby and you have your entire adult life ahead of you. Happy trails to you!

Its good that you want to be honest with your employer, but you must be careful. Not every employer can be trusted with knowing that you are on the spectrum, in which case you are under no obligation to tell them. Withholding information under those circumstances is not lying, its being smart. As for you supervisor, she has a few things to learn about being in a leadership position. That is not a negative, its a fact.

Here you are among friends. Feel free to explore and ask questions. Its good to have you on board!

 

[clg114]

Welcome to Autism Forums!

 

[ExplosiveTMT]

Welcome.

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry, but you can't use that as an excuse to make your job easier. You signed up for this."

Good grief, that's just nasty ignorance. What is it with some types of people and thinking of the disclosing of mental conditions as excuses.
I wouldn't take it too much to heart, tho, Mycota.
Is there other people in your workplace that have complained about your new supervisor? Sadly sometimes in workplaces when a new person comes in to work just doesn't know how to do things or is a bit of a prick. I'd personally if it happened to me, tell her that 'hey, I've been pretty good at my job thank you very much, and that is very disrespectful' or complain to fellow workmates. Then again, I'm not employed myself, so I don't know how to go about responding to something that ignorant.

Its good that you want to be honest with your employer, but you must be careful. Not every employer can be trusted with knowing that you are on the spectrum, in which case you are under no obligation to tell them.

I think in my country atleast, there are avenues for reporting discrimination for people with mental conditions; so me personally I won't really hide much of anything, especially when it's right on my medical certificate, but given Mycota's supervisor is just a supervisor, a new one at that, and it's not the head(s) of the company doing it, I don't think I'd want to take it that far yet. I'd suggest maybe reporting the bad experience to the head of the company and see what they can do. Mycotta, you seem to be pretty good at your job.

 

[PinkPenguin29]

Welcome to the forum, I am also working on not feeling bad about myself!

I had a good friend tell me she doesn't think I'm Autistic, I'm just a little hard on myself. And I wasn't sure how to take that.

 

[Crossbreed]

For example, if you asked me: "Okay, so how do you make a box?"
I would tell you: "Okay so you take the cardboard and you do this-- wait. No. Hold on let me back up. You just take it, and fold this bit, and then fold another, and like this. Okay. There! Box!"

Your company makes boxes...?

WOW! Everyone there must think outside of the b...

(Hello & welcome, anyway. )

 

[some/aspies/need/hugs/13]

Hey welcome to the forums and btw I have had my share of experiences like that but you will find most people are very accommodating and supportive like if I am having a bad day I can ask most people in my neighborhood for a hug and get one without any problems

 

[Crossbreed]

I can ask most people in my neighborhood for a hug and get one without any problems

Wow! Friendly neighborhood.