• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Hello, I believe my husband is an Aspie, now what?

W

wifey

Well-Known Member
Hello all.
I am just comming to the realization that my husband is somewhere on the Autistic scale. I do feel rather stupid now that this is sinking in. My best friends son is an Aspie and my son has APD and low spectrum Turrets, so I am not new to the neurological stuff. However, my husband does not believe that he is on the scale at all. I am trying to find a way to get him diagnosed and then begin the process of getting him to accept it. I feel rather helpless because I don't know if there is anything I can do to help him? Until he accepts and understands that his behavior, social anxioty, sensory issues and depression meltdowns are not "normal" (hate that word, but can't find a better one at the moment!) I am not sure what/how to do anything. Personaly, I am kind of relieved to realize what is going on, it means my husband is not a selfish jerk that doesn't care about his wifes and families feeling, but on the other hand, not sure what now? I am glad to have found this forum and I hope I can connect with other spouces and maybe get some insights from aspies that are spouces on the best way to get our lives back on track to understanding and loving one another again.
 
Hi wifey. Has it been awhile since you have told him of your suspicions? Maybe he needs some time to consider what you have said? Obviously you cannot force him to seek a diagnosis. Perhaps he is not ready to consider that he may be on the spectrum. The fact that you have made an effort to educate yourself and have gained some possible insight into your husband's behavior could bring you considerable peace of mind, and that is worth a great deal in and of itself. It also shows how much you care about him.

Please do not feel stupid. I think that most of us here have Asperger's Syndrome (although there are some neurotypical members), and many of us struggled through the discovery process.
 
Hi Bay, Thanks for the reply!
We talked about this about 2 months ago after a "melt down" that left me scratching my head until I had little hair left! It kind of slapped me up side the head. He was adamint that there was nothing wrong with him except stress. When I have tried to express my concern over his behavior, inappropriate reactions, he just says "I am not crazy". It is a huge fear of his. The few times I have tried to talk to him he shuts down for several days.
 
wifey said:
Hello all.
I am just comming to the realization that my husband is somewhere on the Autistic scale. I do feel rather stupid now that this is sinking in. My best friends son is an Aspie and my son has APD and low spectrum Turrets, so I am not new to the neurological stuff. However, my husband does not believe that he is on the scale at all. I am trying to find a way to get him diagnosed and then begin the process of getting him to accept it. I feel rather helpless because I don't know if there is anything I can do to help him? Until he accepts and understands that his behavior, social anxioty, sensory issues and depression meltdowns are not "normal" (hate that word, but can't find a better one at the moment!) I am not sure what/how to do anything. Personaly, I am kind of relieved to realize what is going on, it means my husband is not a selfish jerk that doesn't care about his wifes and families feeling, but on the other hand, not sure what now? I am glad to have found this forum and I hope I can connect with other spouces and maybe get some insights from aspies that are spouces on the best way to get our lives back on track to understanding and loving one another again.
Click to expand...

My ex-wife is the one who convinced me to get evaluated for Aspergers after our son was diagnosed. I did not think I had it because although I had some of the symptoms of ASD there were other symptoms I did not recognize in myself. It took many suggestions from my wife before I eventually went for an evaluation. It changed my life to learn I was autistic; all my struggles with communication and social problems only made sense after the diagnosis. It was very liberating to finally understand why I was so different from everyone else. It created a context in which my life experiences made sense.

Encourage your husband to get an evaluation. There is no downside.

You say his behaviors are not normal. It is true they are not normal for a NT but they are very normal for those of us on the spectrum. This is why it is so valuable to get the diagnosis; we can finally begin to understand our brains are wired differently. Clarity replaces confusion and a new life of acceptance becomes possible.
 
Last edited:
wifey said:
Hi Bay, Thanks for the reply!
We talked about this about 2 months ago after a "melt down" that left me scratching my head until I had little hair left! It kind of slapped me up side the head. He was adamint that there was nothing wrong with him except stress. When I have tried to express my concern over his behavior, inappropriate reactions, he just says "I am not crazy". It is a huge fear of his. The few times I have tried to talk to him he shuts down for several days.
Click to expand...
There is nothing crazy about Aspergers. Different, yes. Crazy, no. In fact, I'll bet that there are many Aspies who feel that it's the rest of the world that is crazy! ;). Since Loomis has been in the place that your husband is in, I would put some stock in what he says.
 
Thank you Loomis! I too believe that if he can even consider the possibility that his brain is wired different that he would feel more liberated and understand himself better. But I am not sure how to get him to even concider it! I know my own personality: identify the problem, resurch the possible solutions, try them, if that doesn't work, try them again and keep trying until you find the soulution.....you know, stuborn LOL! So I am trying soooo hard to raign in my desire to start getting the tools and appling them. His typical way to deal with a problem: don't even accnowledge there is a problem, or if it is a big, in your face problem....hide!
Bay, I agree, he is NOT crazy, by any means. Over all, he is a great man who does care about his family and loves his wife........now how do I explain to him there is an inbetween??? That being on the Autistic scale is not bad, wrong or anything to be ashamed of....it just is.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom