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Hello everyone

Trishy

Trishy

New Member
Hi ... I'm new here. I've belonged to this group for a while now but haven't spoken, just been reading threads and posts. I find it difficult to talk about my circumstances as it's pretty complicated. And I don't want anyone to be able to identify me. I desperately want to talk about things but am nervous about it and not sure where to even begin. Thanks for your patience ...
 
upload_2017-7-18_12-49-57.webp
 
i feel exactly the same IM still getting used to to what i call social media not used to communicating with people i cant see i just avoid talking to someone if i feel they are being sarcastic
i also have problems at least we can talk once in a while
welcome shalom
Trishy said:
Hi ... I'm new here. I've belonged to this group for a while now but haven't spoken, just been reading threads and posts. I find it difficult to talk about my circumstances as it's pretty complicated. And I don't want anyone to be able to identify me. I desperately want to talk about things but am nervous about it and not sure where to even begin. Thanks for your patience ...
Click to expand...
 
Hi Trishy!!! Welcome to Aspies Central. As you must have observed there are nice people here.
 
Hello Trishy,
Welcome.
I haven't been here for very long myself. I was extremely nervous to begin with and to date have been met with nothing but respect and acceptance.
It feels great to take off the mask and relax.
To just be me :)
 
Hello Trish! This site is filled with very wonderful and kindhearted folks and we're all happy to listen and help. Joining AC was one of the best decisions of my life. Making this post is a huge step forward, you should be proud of yourself. Tell us something about yourself that won't be an issue - what are your interests? What are your pet peeves? How did you find out about your Asperger's?
 
Thank you all so much for your posts and welcomes. I don't have Aspergers ... well, I don't think I do though I have many similar traits. No, the reason I am anxious is because I think it's highly likely that my husband does. He is totally unaware of my thoughts and I will never tell him. But having been with him three years, most of the time feeling confused and often deeply upset, I did some online searching a couple of months ago. When I started reading more about Aspergers it was as if a light was switched on. It obviously doesn't change things but it has made it a lot easier for me to understand many of the things he is and does, and has allowed me to think more about how we interact. My main issue has been trying not to knock him off balance. It is a precarious balancing act. I love him so much, I want to be with him ... but there have been times when I have thought 'I can't do this any more'. But I have, and will continue to do so. He is too special to give up on. He would be mortified to know what I have been reading about ... hence my anxiety.

Thanks for letting me ramble...
 
Trishy said:
Thank you all so much for your posts and welcomes. I don't have Aspergers ... well, I don't think I do though I have many similar traits. No, the reason I am anxious is because I think it's highly likely that my husband does. He is totally unaware of my thoughts and I will never tell him. But having been with him three years, most of the time feeling confused and often deeply upset, I did some online searching a couple of months ago. When I started reading more about Aspergers it was as if a light was switched on. It obviously doesn't change things but it has made it a lot easier for me to understand many of the things he is and does, and has allowed me to think more about how we interact. My main issue has been trying not to knock him off balance. It is a precarious balancing act. I love him so much, I want to be with him ... but there have been times when I have thought 'I can't do this any more'. But I have, and will continue to do so. He is too special to give up on. He would be mortified to know what I have been reading about ... hence my anxiety.

Thanks for letting me ramble...
Click to expand...

Thanks for sharing! It's really good that you're not giving up on him, you must love him very much. I know the feeling regarding balance, I constantly struggle to balance myself. My therapist told me something in that regard, about compensating for my social struggles. About the "can't do this anymore" thought - make sure not to let it out, and never overreact. I've never been in a relationship, so this thought would actually apply to people like my parents and coworkers. People overreact to me a lot and it doesn't ever make things better - it just dampens my self-esteem further on.

The best thing for people to do in my case is to patiently let me know if I do something that's socially unacceptable or something that irritates them even if it takes multiple times - and even then, I don't always understand the point or I may forget to kick that habit because it's been a lifelong one for me. In this case they'd just need to explain it again without showing their frustration, because they know that I'll understand it eventually. This works out in many cases. For example, I've stopped "shushing" people and correcting people. I do have to be told multiple times in most cases, though.

Still, I'm an extremely frustrating person to deal with and many people don't always have the patience - but that just pushes everything downhill. Always keep in mind that whatever he might do that irritates you...it's never intentional; Aspies are very good and kind-hearted people in reality. I'm that way, but I have trouble expressing that kindness most cases. I really do mean well. You've been reading about Asperger's in order to help him, and that's only because you love him; please keep that in mind if he finds out about your research. I'm really happy that you're not giving up on him - even the people who get openly frustrated with me, many of them still care about me. You've been a good wife to him based on what you wrote and he's lucky to have you.

So to sum up, my best advice for you would be to always remain patient with your husband whenever he does things that frustrate you because he doesn't do them on purpose; he's a good man and he loves you. The frustration is never avoidable, but make sure never to express it outwards. Keep on doing whatever research is necessary, and don't worry about how he'd react if he were to find out because you're doing this for him, for his own good; you have his best interests at heart, and that's part of what makes a good spouse. I hope this helped!
 
Thanks for your reply Tyrantus. I am so pleased to get your response because what I really am trying to find out is how my husband might be feeling. I do love him, and the reading and research is definitely to help me understand more. But hearing your perspective, "from the horse's mouth' is much more personal and useful. Thank you again. I try not to overreact and be patient. I was interested when you said about your self esteem if people get frustrated with you. I had never thought my husband might feel that way, it never seems that way. Or is he hiding it? Is low self esteem common?
 
Streetwise said:
i feel exactly the same IM still getting used to to what i call social media not used to communicating with people i cant see i just avoid talking to someone if i feel they are being sarcastic
i also have problems at least we can talk once in a while
welcome shalom
Click to expand...
Hello I'm new to this and also the same, too scared to get twitter or anything
 
Meila said:
Hello I'm new to this and also the same, too scared to get twitter or anything
Click to expand...

Hi Meila. Welcome to Aspies Central. When you first join Aspies you can make a thread of your own to introduce yourself, so more people can say hi to you. I am sure you will like our site and the people on it.
 
Trishy said:
Thanks for your reply Tyrantus. I am so pleased to get your response because what I really am trying to find out is how my husband might be feeling. I do love him, and the reading and research is definitely to help me understand more. But hearing your perspective, "from the horse's mouth' is much more personal and useful. Thank you again. I try not to overreact and be patient. I was interested when you said about your self esteem if people get frustrated with you. I had never thought my husband might feel that way, it never seems that way. Or is he hiding it? Is low self esteem common?
Click to expand...

Hey, always happy to help. Low self esteem is pretty common among Aspies according to my therapist, but the way people handle it is different. Personally, I'm really bad at hiding it and everyone always notices whenever I start putting myself down and calling myself an idiot and other stuff. Your husband might have it but he might also be better at keeping it to himself. Hey I'm really glad to hear about you trying not to overreact, that always makes things much better for relationships in both the short run and the long run, especially when there's low self esteem involved.
 
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