• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Hello--- and questions

ystava

Member
Hi.

I'm ystava (which means friend in Finnish). I'm 50. Have a PhD. I do science for a living.

I believe that I am undiagnosed ADD; I am suspicious that I may also be undiagnosed autism spectrum (or something else). I'm not necessarily seeking a diagnosis. I'm not looking for job accommodations or medication or anything in particular. I was identified in 1st grade as having a "learning disability" by a child psychologist, but this was before ADD was a thing, and I don't think I had enough markers to be evaluated other ways. In the 70's I think parents really tried to avoid having labels applied to kids anyway. Saw the child psychologist again in middle school for school and socialization problems (I was bullied a lot a lot).

Be that as it may. I am what I am and this is what I have to work with. I'm 100% sure I would easily be assessed for ADD... and I already manage it and cope with it for the most part.

What I am dealing with is a some transitions in my career (transitions have always been trouble for me)... and some family issues with my kids that have been completely overwhelming my bandwidth and I've been having trouble keeping myself centered. The coping strategies I've relied on in the past just don't seem to be cutting it. I've signed up for some local seminars for adults with ADD as a starter, but I think I need additional counseling.

I am completely frozen how to go about finding it.

I'm also up for a possible promotion which would greatly increase my need for better performance in interpersonal relationships. I've long struggled with this due to conditioning and my nature. I don't know if it's autism or not... Dr Google isn't a good doctor... I don't care what to call it. I have a good number of markers. I'm relatively high functioning by most standards, but there are lots of ways I'm a disaster. I can mask or adjust for a lot of them because my job affords me a lot of control over my setting. I know I need to look into it because my ability to network and interact with people (especially strangers) can be remedial. Also while reading all the latest and greatest research I find out that sexuality/gender are sometimes wrapped up in all of this and boy did that hit a little close to home.

So, how do I find someone? What do I look for? I first thought I should get an assessment, but then realized that maybe I should just get in a relationship with a doctor or counselor and let them decide whether I need the assessment and what that would accomplish. I really just want to get to where I can think clearly again.

The university I work near has a program, but they are booked up. They sent me a list of local providers, but I don't know how to decide which one I should use or what I should do. The actual assessment part doesn't matter to me so much as managing my mind; I'm having a heck of a time right now stilling it enough to think about work and the stuff I should be filling my day with.

That's the intro and the big question. Otherwise hello.
 
Last edited:
1675710823879.png
 
Hey
Do you live in Finland? Such a beautiful country. Welcome to the site.
 
Hello. A diagnosis is not for everyone as there are pros and cons there depending on the situation. But, how can you better your mind without knowing what you could have through a formal diagnosis, as you suspect ADD, wonder if it could be Autism as well, or without knowing something else is causing those issues which you need help for? The root of the issues could direct you to how best to tackle the situation.

You mentioned socialization and learning problems as a child through your school years, and interpersonal relationships and feeling overwhelmed now. Can you elaborate more? Also, if it is ADD could not a diagnosis help with any medication for that? What specific coping strategies have you tried in the past ? Are you receptive to any meds and other treatments a doctor might recommend if they diagnose ADD or something else? Or do you have certain fears, beliefs or limitations there in what you feel you could tolerate? Any concerns a diagnosis could affect your employment now, or in the future? Feel free to answer any of those if you desire or are able.

Also, I am just curious if you feel you have any difficulties with planning, time management, focusing on tasks, multitasking, restlessness and prioritization, to name a few? From your post alone, I can see some possible signs of scattered, disorganized and/or general thinking as you do not mention many details and limitations related to suspected ADD, which you feel certain about, and from your belief of a possible Autism condition or something else too. The fact you are occupationally successful is not too telling. Lots with various conditions can show success there, but mask or have their difficulties show more within, later, or in different settings or under certain stressors.
 
Hello. A diagnosis is not for everyone as there are pros and cons there depending on the situation. But, how can you better your mind without knowing what you could have through a formal diagnosis, as you suspect ADD, wonder if it could be Autism as well, or without knowing something else is causing those issues which you need help for? The root of the issues could direct you to how best to tackle the situation.

You mentioned socialization and learning problems as a child through your school years, and interpersonal relationships and feeling overwhelmed now. Can you elaborate more? Also, if it is ADD could not a diagnosis help with any medication for that? What specific coping strategies have you tried in the past ? Are you receptive to any meds and other treatments a doctor might recommend if they diagnose ADD or something else? Or do you have certain fears, beliefs or limitations there in what you feel you could tolerate? Any concerns a diagnosis could affect your employment now, or in the future? Feel free to answer any of those if you desire or are able.

Also, I am just curious if you feel you have any difficulties with planning, time management, focusing on tasks, multitasking, restlessness and prioritization, to name a few? From your post alone, I can see some possible signs of scattered, disorganized and/or general thinking as you do not mention many details and limitations related to suspected ADD, which you feel certain about, and from your belief of a possible Autism condition or something else too. The fact you are occupationally successful is not too telling. Lots with various conditions can show success there, but mask or have their difficulties show more within, later, or in different settings or under certain stressors.
I was trying to keep it brief. No need to firehouse people on the very first post.

I need to pick apart your reply so I don't data dump you answering questions. I am also not an expert so I have to be wary of using words that have ulterior meaning.

I don't want to assume anything but make sure I ask the right questions myself.

I'll try later.
 
I was trying to keep it brief. No need to firehouse people on the very first post.

I only know the word "firehouse" as a noun and can't find
any definitions for it used as a verb.

What does it mean to "firehouse people...."?
 
I was trying to keep it brief. No need to firehouse people on the very first post.

I need to pick apart your reply so I don't data dump you answering questions. I am also not an expert so I have to be wary of using words that have ulterior meaning.

I don't want to assume anything but make sure I ask the right questions myself.

I'll try later.

Ok, no problem. Well, some persons post then never post again. And that is Ok. So, I showed I was interested in learning more, after you had questions for us but not giving enough details. So, before asking us questions, it would be helpful to learn more. So, I feel that shows empathy in me asking. So, I am sorry you took it a different way. Lots of those with Autism are into details and/or for their hyperfocuses of interest. My hyperfocus is psychological issues. I'm assuming we can be ourselves here if not break the rules.
 
Ok, no problem. Well, some persons post then never post again. And that is Ok. So, I showed I was interested in learning more, after you had questions for us but not giving enough details. So, before asking us questions, it would be helpful to learn more. So, I feel that shows empathy in me asking. So, I am sorry you took it a different way. Lots of those with Autism are into details and/or for their hyperfocuses of interest. My hyperfocus is psychological issues. I'm assuming we can be ourselves here if not break the rules.
Definitely, you sometimes can ask new posters things, but then l never know if it's okay to. Oh dear, forum etiquette, what is it, what does it look like, who really knows. Lol
 
Hello. A diagnosis is not for everyone as there are pros and cons there depending on the situation. But, how can you better your mind without knowing what you could have through a formal diagnosis, as you suspect ADD, wonder if it could be Autism as well, or without knowing something else is causing those issues which you need help for? The root of the issues could direct you to how best to tackle the situation.

You mentioned socialization and learning problems as a child through your school years, and interpersonal relationships and feeling overwhelmed now. Can you elaborate more? Also, if it is ADD could not a diagnosis help with any medication for that? What specific coping strategies have you tried in the past ? Are you receptive to any meds and other treatments a doctor might recommend if they diagnose ADD or something else? Or do you have certain fears, beliefs or limitations there in what you feel you could tolerate? Any concerns a diagnosis could affect your employment now, or in the future? Feel free to answer any of those if you desire or are able.

Also, I am just curious if you feel you have any difficulties with planning, time management, focusing on tasks, multitasking, restlessness and prioritization, to name a few? From your post alone, I can see some possible signs of scattered, disorganized and/or general thinking as you do not mention many details and limitations related to suspected ADD, which you feel certain about, and from your belief of a possible Autism condition or something else too. The fact you are occupationally successful is not too telling. Lots with various conditions can show success there, but mask or have their difficulties show more within, later, or in different settings or under certain stressors.
Also, I recognize the limitations of doing diagnostic exercises over the internet.

I really want to get into a situation that will help me with the current disruptions, and then perhaps move into the more extant issues and may look for diagnosis and other treatment.

Going straight to assessment seems like cart before the horse.

I briefly 'outlined' my life for my wife to look over and it was only 15 pages with two tables....

So I am trying to figure out how to translate that to your questions without data dumping it.
 
I only know the word "firehouse" as a noun and can't find
any definitions for it used as a verb.

What does it mean to "firehouse people...."?
My phone auto corrected me.

I meant to say firehose.. Imagine trying to drink from a firehose.

Too much information too fast.
 
My phone auto corrected me.

I meant to say firehose.. Imagine trying to drink from a firehose.

Too much information too fast.
Thanks.
I thought there was a chance it should have been "firehose"
but I didn't want to assume anything.
 
Hello. A diagnosis is not for everyone as there are pros and cons there depending on the situation. But, how can you better your mind without knowing what you could have through a formal diagnosis, as you suspect ADD, wonder if it could be Autism as well, or without knowing something else is causing those issues which you need help for? The root of the issues could direct you to how best to tackle the situation.
You mentioned socialization and learning problems as a child through your school years, and interpersonal relationships and feeling overwhelmed now. Can you elaborate more? Also, if it is ADD could not a diagnosis help with any medication for that? What specific coping strategies have you tried in the past ? Are you receptive to any meds and other treatments a doctor might recommend if they diagnose ADD or something else? Or do you have certain fears, beliefs or limitations there in what you feel you could tolerate? Any concerns a diagnosis could affect your employment now, or in the future? Feel free to answer any of those if you desire or are able.
Also, I am just curious if you feel you have any difficulties with planning, time management, focusing on tasks, multitasking, restlessness and prioritization, to name a few? From your post alone, I can see some possible signs of scattered, disorganized and/or general thinking as you do not mention many details and limitations related to suspected ADD, which you feel certain about, and from your belief of a possible Autism condition or something else too. The fact you are occupationally successful is not too telling. Lots with various conditions can show success there, but mask or have their difficulties show more within, later, or in different settings or under certain stressors.

So let's start with the ADD and put the autism stuff aside... we can talk about that... and then talk about the rest.

I'll just restate. I'm not necessarily looking for a specific diagnosis. I've got job and family stresses that in the past month have really come to a head and are making me realize I'm running closer to my bandwidth than usual. My job has some shifting responsibilities, and I applied to a promotion that will result in a vastly more public face to the work I do. I'm in a 2 carreer couple, #1 kid is ADHD, #2 kid has some unspecified depression and intrusive thought, our parents are ailing... threat of war.... environmental disaster due to human activity). I'm spread a little thin. My mind gets very noisy lately. It's resulted in some disruption in life and work by way of depression, heightened anxiety, an inability to focus or quiet it enough to accomplish things I need to do, and some intrusive thinking of my own (non-suicidal, but a lot of anxious thoughts).

I also know from previous experience that I'm vulnerable during times of transition... grade school to middle school, middle to high, high to college... some of my new jobs at various points. The first year is usually a mess, and then I teach myself to succeed in the new situation. I don't want to make a mess of this promotion. I'm worried about falling on my face like I have in the past in big changes like this. Obviously I'm capable of functioning pretty high. I did great in grad school... but I also loved it there and it was almost prime space for someone like me.

So I've always had problems with attention. ADD wasn't really a diagnosis when I was in grade school. My brother did get diagnosed with it. My classroom performance is variable. I tried to get a the records but the psychologist I saw destroyed them years ago.

I am very familiar with ADD hyper-focus. It’s not anything that is particularly controllable. My wife has a lot of frustration when I’m dialed into something and she’s right in the room talking to me and I can be completely unaware she’s even speaking to me. When I got to graduate school, hyper-focus started happening a lot with my work. I also started taking on activities where hyper-focus would be triggered (e.g. caving, autocross racing, and competitive shooting). I remember having a rider in a car with me during an autocross. There was a video camera in the car because my friends and I would record our runs. She screamed the whole time; I had no idea. I loved caving because it demanded focus for safety; the world is very small when you are hanging from a rope in a cave somewhere. These activities became part of my coping because the more I did them, the better the rest of my life was. They had an aura effect that could last for days or weeks which helped me stay focused on school.
 
The mayo clinic lists many symptoms of ADHD in adults; I’d have trouble identifying the ones I can’t give you multiple examples of and have coping mechanisms for. The examples here are by no means comprehensive; mostly reminders if I wind up talking to a therapist so that I wouldn't forget. Lists... I use a lot of lists. I could go on and on about some of them.

How severe any of them are has a lot to do with how stressed or tired I am. There are times I might be quite together depending on how well I've prepared ahead of time, how excited I am about the work, or how calm everything else in my life is. It's all about anticipating and managing my available bandwidth.
SymptomExamplesCoping
Impulsiveness
  • How I go about applying discipline with my kids.
  • Purchases.
  • Internet browsing.
  • Oversharing information.
  • As a kid I used to take high risks like climbing 80 foot trees—but I was also risk averse, like jumping ramps on bikes
  • Almost killed my brother when I ran in front of his bike to play "dodge bike". He was in the hospital for a week or more.
  • I interrupt people when they're talking or doing things.
  • Putting things down where they don’t belong and forgetting
  • Oversharing
  • I might be above average disregarding terms of contracts. For example, a recent fiasco with the contractor putting in our front patio
  • Hard to cope because it’s impulsive.
  • Routine
Disorganization and problems prioritizing
  • I get stuck on steps if the next step isn’t well defined or big enough or the outcomes undefined.
  • Defining objectives
  • Paralyzed by choices.
  • Chasing tangents, especially completely unrelated tangents
  • I lose my lists, or forget to add to them.
  • My desk.
  • My computer files.
  • Doing low-priority things first.
  • Keeping projects on track, especially those without firm deadlines.
  • Writing down steps or progress
  • Writing lists.
  • Calendars.
  • Phone alarm.
  • Annotating programming code.
  • Routine
  • Breaking tasks into smaller steps
  • Writing down or being mindful of objectives
Poor time management skills
  • Internet browsing.
  • Making hours before appointments productive
  • Late to appointments because I am stuck on another task
  • I use lists, calendars, and my phone alarm to keep me on task
  • Routine
Problems focusing on a task
  • Intrusive thinking about other stresses.
  • Circular thinking. Makes it hard to sleep because I keep reliving or strategizing a problem I'm having. I always get bad news on Fridays too.
  • Hyperfocus on event timing (like I don’t make good use of time between 8 and 11 because I have an 11:30 appointment—I won’t start a task).
  • When I read, I sometimes a few lines, even pages and realize I have no idea what I just read. It is sometimes a shock how far back I have to go to find the place I remember.
  • I lose track where I am in the conversation, lose eye contact, and I can’t tell if I’m making progress and I start analyzing the exchange of words instead of having the actual conversation. I hate that feeling; it’s like waking up while driving after falling asleep at the wheel.
  • I try to map out my day or week using lists.
  • I try to write down strategies for taking on problems in my lists
  • I try to be mindful
  • Routine
Trouble multitasking
  • Variable, nobody truly multitasks.
  • I can excel at this if I’ve had time to make a good list and I happen to hyperfocus
  • Routine
Excessive activity or restlessness
  • My knee jumps unconsciously. Anxiety about appointments
  • Try to take walks.
  • Planned breaks for the day.
Poor planning
  • Financial planning-bad
  • House maintenance-bad
  • Trip planning-good
  • Projects-good
  • Writing-good
  • Lots of practice.
  • I am an over-planner and scripter… and I plan for plans that go wrong. because if I try to do it on the fly, I’ll mess up. For road trips, for example, I might prepare a list and start packing a week in advance.
  • The planning I sometimes engage in is overkill and can be a waste of time and energy.
Low frustration tolerance
  • Yes
  • Unexpected issues cause frustration.
  • I'm a wreck in a TSA line for instance. I lose things because I unthinkingly put them in pockets I never use, so that I don't lose something
  • Planned and metered expectations
  • Suppress frustration
Frequent mood swings
  • Externally, not so much.
  • I was an emotional child who got bullied
  • Suppress mood and mood expression
Problems following through and completing tasks
  • I get a lot of things done to the 90% and have a lot of trouble finishing them.
  • I lose tools because I don’t put things away or clean up after tasks.
  • I have to be mindful.
  • Occasionally make closing out multiple tasks its own task.
Hot temper
  • I don’t know.
  • I have a long fuse, and then lose my temper suddenly once my bandwidth is exceeded.
  • I try to be mindful.
Trouble coping with stress
  • Variable. Emotionally I don't think I do very well with it.
  • Planning, and contingency planning.
  • Variable. Right now, not so good
 
Obviously I'm not completely useless. I've learned over years from trial and error and I found my way. I have a good job... a wife.. a couple of kids. I can do a lot.

But sometimes I feel like I'm far below what my peers are doing for the same effort. And we're not counting all the balls dropped at home... like keeping the house clean... maintenance... finances... stuff like that.
 
Last edited:
Thanks for all the information and examples. Wow, looks like you have a lot on your plate in terms of things happening in your life and that are about to happen, and in terms of the specific signs and symptoms as seen by the examples you gave which says a lot. You seem to have many abilities like us all as well. I just know by all you said I can see why you came here too, as many here have one or more conditions that can be somewhat similar in many ways, with some or many of the executive function difficulties you discussed. I'll leave it up to you to determine how to best use the information you gave, but it sounds like you won half the battle there in figuring all that out with self-analysis and making some reasonable conclusions or possibilities based on that.
 

New Threads

Top Bottom