Has your AS/ASD changed as you have gotten older?

[Chance]

This question just came from a conversation I just gently walked away from... I didn't know how to respond... I still don't.

It was a situation where I didn't get a sarcastic joke. It was no big deal to me, but apparently the joke was on me.

I was told, "All this stuff has gone to your head... You're not who you used to be."

Maybe they are right, maybe I have changed?
I was wondering if anyone has found anything about how ASD changes as we age... I'm fixing to do a web search.

Maybe I don't have the energy or simply the want to "fake" fitting in.
Maybe over time the comments and other stuff have made me a little colder.
Maybe I use to have hope that I could be "normal".
Maybe I have realized it doesn't really matter, people are going to say stuff regardless.
Maybe I just want to be me and not worry about it anymore, and people aren't used to that part of me?

Any ideas... and of course list how you have changed (if you have) and you can realize it.

 

[Gritches]

A lot of what you describe. I used to think if I tried hard enough I could be "normal". Now I realize it's okay to be different and my focus is more on carving out my own niche instead of trying to be the same as everyone else. I chalk it up to growing up, that whole getting older and wiser thing.

And it's okay to change. If you aren't who you used to be, that's probably a good thing since people tend to grow, not shrink. Are you sure they meant it as a bad thing? And if they did, are you sure it actually is a bad thing?

 

[Chance]

A lot of what you describe. I used to think if I tried hard enough I could be "normal". Now I realize it's okay to be different and my focus is more on carving out my own niche instead of trying to be the same as everyone else. I chalk it up to growing up, that whole getting older and wiser thing.

And it's okay to change. If you aren't who you used to be, that's probably a good thing since people tend to grow, not shrink. Are you sure they meant it as a bad thing? And if they did, are you sure it actually is a bad thing?

I'm not sure how they meant it? It was sort of implied that I was stupid, or thats how I felt.

It was a picture of a text conversation and it was just drama and gibberish and I didn't get the "punch line." I still don't... I was ALL just stupid, and had no logic to it whatsoever.

My overanalyzing brain just don't care maybe... Its been a crappy past week... but it will get better.
Maybe I just don't care right now and it shows... I just haven't been able to get head and my heart on the same page. : )

 

[Katleya]

Is anybody really who they used to be, spectrum or not? The perspective of a person who would never evolve, adapt or change is depressing, nobody is set in stone.

Everybody changes, based on how they react to their experiences in life and outside factors.
Now, I do believe that coming to grips with AS means you were able to gain a better understanding of who you are, and that you probably have affirmed yourself somehow (even if just through your reaffirmed desire to be left alone, away from the commotion people might cause), and maybe you have drawn more defined boundaries that are better aligned with your needs and abilities. If that is the case, I think it's a very good thing, but I can also see how some people who may not have embarked on a journey to know themselves better and/or become a better person might be bitter that you have made some progress, while they're left behind.

I'll just end this by quoting Otis Redding: "I can't do what 10 people tell me to do, so I guess I'll remain the same."
You know, the same ol' Aspie that we know and appreciate here

 

[Mia]

Hmmm, I care less about what people think of me.

I use the wall in my bathroom as an example, my husband drywalled it, I plastered it.
The wall is perfect and true, nine thinned coats of drywall compound, each coat sanded with progressively smoother grits of sandpaper, when I finished, and put on a coat of primer and some semi-gloss it looked like a whiteboard. It shines like the sun, when I turn on the light. I don't know why I did that, but I like it.

Every other wall that I've plastered and painted, doesn't come close. Somehow I needed something perfect. But I haven't done it since, nor will I likely ever do it again. I think I did it to know if I could. Now the perfectionism is done.

Since that first time, I realized that it didn't matter as much anymore. The bathroom wall was an ideal, and now I don't have to bow to the ideal anymore. It's just a wall.

 

[OrSomething]

I'm definitely more socially adept and know better what's socially appropriate or not. I'm also less afraid of being myself and opening up to people, which has made me better at socializing. But I'm also more anxious and uncomfortable in certain situations. I've always had meltdowns, but what causes them has changed.

 

[the_tortoise]

It was a situation where I didn't get a sarcastic joke. It was no big deal to me, but apparently the joke was on me.

I was told, "All this stuff has gone to your head... You're not who you used to be."

Could also be that they are doing exactly what they accuse you of -- noticing it more when you don't stuff because you've now got an ASD diagnosis, whereas before they would not have seen it as significant.

For myself:

My language skills have improved a lot and continue to improve.

My sensory issues are still severe but nowhere near what they were like when I was a kid.

I went from having no ability to understand/work with/compare another person's perspective in a situation where I already had my perspective, to being able to consider multiple perspectives.

I deal better with change than I used to.

My social awareness has broadened / deepened / grown more complicated (not sure of how to put it.....it is many things).

 

[SusanLR]

I've changed in a lot of ways as I've aged.
A lot of the rituals that were OCD like have lessened.
Meltdowns have become fewer.
Perfectionism like @Mia spoke about with the wall plaster has turned more into "meh".
I don't stim as much.

The down side to this for me was I had to change when I lost my family and had to face life in the outside world with only NTs. Once I could ignore it, now I face it everyday.
It makes me feel sad that I can't be the happy go lucky
child like person I was because now my life depends on getting along with them and not being myself in order to have a place to live and just survive.

I saw a post (can't remember who), that they didn't like being alone but they didn't like being with someone else either.
That's the feeling. Lost, waiting to feel something that makes you want to get up in the mornings.
But, thankful many of my ways have improved with age.
Makes it easier to fit in even if I don't feel it.

 

[xudo]

I don't even attempt to fit in anymore. I also don't go out and socialise anymore, whereas I used to force myself to more when I was younger because it's what you're "supposed" to do.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

adapt or change is depressing, nobody is set in stone.

I almost was. I stood in wet concrete just as i was entering the building for my first job interview.

The town hall had concrete footsteps all over it.

An english town hall.

1,000 year old building. As posh as the castle in your imagination.

Was that off topic?

But yeh, people change as they get older.

For the better,if you do the work.

 

[Pinecones]

I've grown and am still growing. Changing is a negative term in my book.

I've learned to interact with people better; making profiles of expectations for them and saying "ah, you're THIS type of person, okay, I know how to get on your level". I've gotten better at finding ways to related to and indulge new people. NT's usually get REALLY excited when you can get on their level and just dive into whatever it is they're on about. Sometimes I mis-gauge the situation or person and make an ass out of myself, but it usually works and I don't feel taxed afterwards. I've exercised my responses to all different kinds of people enough to where I'm often not far off.
Another thing I've learned to do is be humble. Sometimes I have NO IDEA what's going on and can't hide it. Sometimes context and jokes go way over my head and I don't even know it. Sometimes I literally drop the ball and screw everything up. I just embrace it and laugh at myself, apologize earnestly if I've caused a problem, and continue on.
Honesty is the best policy; with yourself and with the world around you. My philosophy is that as long as what ever I'm saying or doing is true and earnest I can't really mess it up. If someone wants to be upset by the truth that's on them, not me. But exercising discretion and social awareness is important too.

This might seem single-focused, but really it's been the biggest part of me "changing" in others' eyes. It's taught me how to communicate more clearly, punctually, and honestly, and more importantly how to advocate for myself (not a master by any means though!). Just these social skill changes have helped me grow quite a bit, and my behavior and social interactions have changed A LOT in the last few years. And since most folks judge one another based on their social interactions, as far as other people would be concerned, I've apparently changed. See how that works? But of course I know I haven't "changed", my behavior has just evolved. That's all.

 

[Judge]

Self-awareness with age has taught me to be more judicious about when and where I choose to mask my traits and behaviors just to accommodate Neurotypicals. It's something I no longer default to doing as I once did for so many years, well before I even really understood my own autism.

 

[Bella Pines]

Maybe I don't have the energy or simply the want to "fake" fitting in.
Maybe over time the comments and other stuff have made me a little colder.
Maybe I use to have hope that I could be "normal".
Maybe I have realized it doesn't really matter, people are going to say stuff regardless.
Maybe I just want to be me and not worry about it anymore, and people aren't used to that part of me?

Yes, all of the above. I haven't really changed, I'm just more aware of who I am and who I want to me. I REALLY can't be bothered nowadays, I'm not a student trying to find my place anymore. I've been told that I'm becoming more aspie, I don't think that's really the case. I think I am dropping the NT act more and more.

I've realized all of the above. Plus, people don't really care about anyone but themselves. I don't actually NEED friends. I used to try harder and appear softer, but I think once you've had about 5 or 6 different jobs, you realize that people come and go. Whether it's a hobby group, my kids friends mums, a new work project, etc etc, there are always more people. So if my colleagues don't like me then so be it, I can't say I've liked many of them!

So I don't think I'm getting more aspie, I think ultimately I'm just not bothering so much.

 

[Progster]

I'm better at seeing the big picture than I used to be, and this means that I'm better at organising myself. Also, I'm better at understanding the point or meaning of words. I recently had the experience of finding some old songs I used to listen to and realising that I had been totally clueless as to what the meaning of the lyrics was, now I understand better what they were about. I used to struggle with poetry and understanding implied meaning or emotions in language, I'm better at this now. Also, I have a deeper understanding of social situations and people's emotions, mainly down to being exposed to more situations and building up a data base of knowledge.

Recently I've been having issues with flashing screens or rapidly changing images on the TV being really uncomfortable and unbearable to watch - I can't remember having this problem as a child and I'm not sure as to the reason for this, whether it's because they didn't use to use those kind effects, or the TV screens have LED screens, or because I'm getting older or because I have become more sensitive.