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Girlfriend Said We're Moving Too Fast, and I Don't Understand How... Explanations?

Joshua the Writer

Joshua the Writer

Very Nerdy Guy, Any Pronouns
V.I.P Member
So, my girlfriend told me today that we're going too fast. We've been dating for two weeks, but she says that me saying that I love her is apparently going to fast. And don't understand the reasoning behind this, can you give some help? I don't understand. Also, she isn't on the spectrum. She just said this completely out of the blue. How is saying "I love you," no matter how long you have been dating somebody, mean that you are going too fast? Can anybody explain?
 
I don't know how long you knew each other before you started to date, but, overall, two weeks of dating is a very short time. Definitely too short to say that you know someone well, not to mention that you love them. You saying that you love her may have unsettled her. You came a bit too strongly for this early stage of a relationship.

Those on the spectrum tend to get obsessed with people they love or think they love while mistaking this strong interest with love. Whatever the case with you, you saying these things right now may only alienate her from you. I would suggest just trying to get to know her better for now. Give her some time and be patient. If you're not sure about something, talk to her and stay open-minded while she answers. Don't get into the extreme where every breath you takes revolves around her - it's considered quite creepy. Or, at least, make sure she doesn't see you like this.

You may also ask her about boundaries she would like to put up for now and if something makes her uncomfortable. For you it may be 'out of the blue' but for her, well. She might have given you many non-verbal signs that you simply missed. Communication is the key here. Not enough is bad but pressing her too much is not good either so just keep moderation. I know it's vague but the thing is that there are no clear guides for these things. Just observe her body language and stop pushing when you see her being uncomfortable like low eyebrows, tucked chin, quicker breath, avoiding eye contact, playing with hands, sweating etc.

Also, 'love', like 'hate', is a very strong word. Especially mature love. Saying that you love someone while not knowing them too well makes it sound quite empty.
 
I think that people have different things they feel comfortable with in intimate relationships and that it’s unique to the person. Some people would feel comfortable with <I love you> after a couple weeks of going out but some people may need more time to feel comfortable being told and saying <I love you>. Also, I think that sometimes you can feel like you deeply love somebody without knowing them much. But a lot of people like to feel closer and to know more of the person they are dating before feeling comfortable with words that have such a strong connotation.
 
onlything said:
Just observe her body language and stop pushing when you see her being uncomfortable like low eyebrows, tucked chin, quicker breath, avoiding eye contact, playing with hands, sweating etc.
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Thank you for your advice. This was actually though Discord text chat.
 
Joshua Aaron said:
Thank you for your advice. This was actually though Discord text chat.
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Fair enough.

It may also be the matter of age. First relationships tend to be rather awkward and can make one or both parties involved slightly uncomfortable. If it's her first relationship, I wouldn't be surprised of she just wanted to try a few things and take things really slow. Or maybe she just needs some time to get used to having a boyfriend, who knows. Anyway, since it unsettles her, just stop with the 'I love yous' for now. There may be a lot of time for that later.
 
onlything said:
Fair enough.

It may also be the matter of age. First relationships tend to be rather awkward and can make one or both parties involved slightly uncomfortable. If it's her first relationship, I wouldn't be surprised of she just wanted to try a few things and take things really slow. Or maybe she just needs some time to get used to having a boyfriend, who knows. Anyway, since it unsettles her, just stop with the 'I love yous' for now. There may be a lot of time for that later.
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Okay, got it.
 
onlything said:
Fair enough.

It may also be the matter of age. First relationships tend to be rather awkward and can make one or both parties involved slightly uncomfortable. If it's her first relationship, I wouldn't be surprised of she just wanted to try a few things and take things really slow. Or maybe she just needs some time to get used to having a boyfriend, who knows. Anyway, since it unsettles her, just stop with the 'I love yous' for now. There may be a lot of time for that later.
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Also, she is 16 and I'm 15. She was born in September and I was born in March.
 
Everybody I dated under the age of 21 also said it very fast! Of course I knew they didn't really love me. It's just horniness + affection. If someone over 21 does that, it usually means they're whacko.
 
Fino said:
Everybody I dated under the age of 21 also said it very fast! Of course I knew they didn't really love me. It's just horniness + affection. If someone over 21 does that, it usually means they're whacko.
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Agreed. At 18 my response to 'I love you' said after a few weeks was amused disbelief, at 28 my response would be severe unease and plans to avoid them at all costs :tearsofjoy:

OP your girlfriend says it's too fast because it Is too fast. 2 weeks is too fast to even get to know someone on the most shallow of levels, and even once you get to know someone properly for most people love takes a long time to truly develop. Saying 'I love you' so quickly gives of two vibes, either complete insincerity (which is bad at any stage in a relationship) or creepy infatuation (which is also bad at any stage in a relationship). Leave the love confession until at least 6 months in.
 
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