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Girlfriend Broke up W/Me, Said She is Not Ready Yet, I Don't Think I am, Either

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by Joshua Aaron, Jan 10, 2019.

  1. Joshua Aaron

    Joshua Aaron Just a Professional Weirdo w/Autism and ADHD

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    So, about a few days before Christmas (I think it was actually the Sunday before Christmas), my girlfriend told me that she wants to take a break from the relationship. She said that she isn't ready yet because of some stuff she is dealing with that I can't reveal here for her privacy's sake. Also, as far as we know, she is, in fact, neurotypical.

    I'm not ready for a relationship yet, either, and I think I realized that just after I broke up with her. I have my own problems to work on. I can't really explain how I feel very well, and I try to keep my emotions in because of that.

    Sometimes, I can be overly-affectionate, not like anything inappropriate for a 15-year old to do, but just sometimes I don't know when I am making somebody uncomfortable or not, even when intending not to. I also need to figure out how people are reacting to me properly, and what causes that reaction.

    I also have some trouble understanding body language related to romantic feelings, too, especially since I have not really experienced somebody displaying romantic behavior before dating her.

    I do see a therapist for all of these issues and more, and I do believe it helps a little bit. However, talking with my therapist sometimes forces me to say how I feel out loud, and I usually end up not saying my thoughts and emotions to my therapist because of that. Don't get me wrong, I trust my therapist and she is just a kind lady, it's just that is insanely difficult for me to put my feelings into words when spoken out loud and without anything to reference off of beforehand (maybe I should just go into my appointments with her with a folder or something).

    I am asking for advice here because I am better at expressing my feelings through text and the internet rather than spoken words.

    Also, I am fine with just being friends with her for a while until we're ready, if you are wondering.

    What are your thoughts on this?
     
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  2. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    Sometimes the best relationships bloom from a simple friendship.

    Where there is already an implicit comfort level between two people, which can completely bypass all the awkward and confusing aspects of courtship. A godsend for some of us on the spectrum like myself, who could never adapt to the social conventions of "dating".

    Not all, but most of my serious relationships with women began from long term friendship- not conventional courtship. A process that seemed far less if at all intimidating or confusing in comparison at any age.
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2019
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  3. Isadoorian

    Isadoorian Well Known Chat Member, Welcomer of Newcomers V.I.P Member

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    I feel you; my first GF (we were both 12, maybe 13) broke up w/ me after ~ 2 weeks as she felt she wasn't ready either, and that's ok.
     
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  4. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Knowing you are not ready shows a real maturity. It's good to be friends and if it ever builds into something more, you have a better foundation.
     
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  5. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    It sounds like you're handling it and going great! And you seem awesome to date!
     
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  6. Ginseng

    Ginseng Christian V.I.P Member

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    I gave me therapist quite a few text messages during therapy. It helped me a lot doing it that way. I doubt if I could have told her much otherwise.
     
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  7. Graphin

    Graphin Serial conversation killer V.I.P Member

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    Why break up when you could do a simpler relationship or spend less time on eachother?
     
  8. BrokenBoy

    BrokenBoy 戯言使い(Nonsense User)

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    I have some of these problems too. What I do to fix it is to try not to be to affectionate on average and having a more "calm" and "quiet" disposition and not displaying alot of emotion until I know for sure it's time to act kind and affectionate to others judging by verbal statements and such things. I'm not necessarily saying you try this as I don't know enough about you to make a huge judgement like that but rather I'm naming off a random solution from someone who has been there. Anyways, I hope you manage to talk to this to your therapist.
    Lol me too~
     
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  9. Joshua Aaron

    Joshua Aaron Just a Professional Weirdo w/Autism and ADHD

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    I can't say without invading her privacy.
     
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