So I am not sure if anybody else can relate to the challenges I am dealing with right now which I am trying to overcome both with the help of my highly supportive mom but also from a type of service in my country known as "boendestöd" where I can get help with planning out things like routines and in general the structure of my daily life because quite honestly it's kind of a struggle to manage it on my own and I am often quite lonely even as an introvert myself and I barely even have any friends at all and besides my mother the only other few experiences of love I have truly experienced was from a pet rabbit I had for 8 years as a child and then this year when for a brief time I cared for the only friend and the one thing that mattered to me more than anything else because he was like my baby.
There is also the fact I am currently dealing with the effects of trauma such as losing my dearly beloved pet rabbit who ever only lived to be 6-7 months of age before he died very suddenly without warning which shook me to the core and broke my heart because he shoved me so much love usually by licking me as a thanks for me always taking such good care of him and I have still yet to recover from this event ever since he died in early September this year and the effects it has had on my wellbeing have been nothing short of profound and this does include that it worsened already existing issues such as sleep problems but it also caused me to develop even bigger problems with overeating and as result I started to rapidly gain weight.
Also I am suspecting I might be developing a depression as now very often I don't even feel like getting out of bed a lot of times and I noticed that I am neglecting things like self care and of course the sleep issues only make things worse besides that I noticed I eat more unhealthy foods than usual often at random times during the day sometimes even late at night to try and eat away the pain and most days I tend to sit in front of my computer either browsing the web, doing something else like playing retro games on emulators or using my virtual machines to do tasks like analysing malware or occasionally trying out some linux distro I have never used before like gentoo linux or archbang.
I am also briefly going to mention I am currently seeking help dealing with the trauma from years of verbally and emotionally abusive behaviour from my father who I recently cut ties with because I realised he was becoming far too detrimental to my mental health and the fact he was trying to control my life and my decisions while visiting me and often raining down critical remarks on every possible thing even the most insignificant things he could see or find while trying to say he was "helping" me such as not having cleaned the dishes or cleaned the bathroom and to tell me I was not going to be able to live on my own and that I would be evicted worse still he even blatantly disregarded the fact I was and still am dealing with the loss of my pet telling me things "it's just a rabbit" or " this ends now!" saying that I should basically just get over it which was the breaking point for me and the next day I cut ties with him .
In general there is a lot of darkness , anger and deeply held grudges I need to deal with because it has just piled up over the years and I typically rarely if ever forget any event where I was mistreated and the people that caused it even if it was years ago such as being yelled or screamed at for dumb nonsensical things or witnessing temper tantrums from a parent such as the time where he became so angry he broke a remote control to a dvd/vhs player or getting blamed and yelled at for a laptop screen hinge breaking that I had no control over.
Venting has become an ever common occurence now that I live on my own because there is so much that needs to be let out and I do need to talk with somebody.
I do wish I had a boyfriend preferably one with similar interests to mine possibly on the spectrum as well who could visit me and show me the kind of love and affection that my rabbit once did because it truly did fill some of that void in my heart while he was alive and after he died it was like an old wound was ripped open again that has never healed since.
There is also the fact I am currently dealing with the effects of trauma such as losing my dearly beloved pet rabbit who ever only lived to be 6-7 months of age before he died very suddenly without warning which shook me to the core and broke my heart because he shoved me so much love usually by licking me as a thanks for me always taking such good care of him and I have still yet to recover from this event ever since he died in early September this year and the effects it has had on my wellbeing have been nothing short of profound and this does include that it worsened already existing issues such as sleep problems but it also caused me to develop even bigger problems with overeating and as result I started to rapidly gain weight.
Also I am suspecting I might be developing a depression as now very often I don't even feel like getting out of bed a lot of times and I noticed that I am neglecting things like self care and of course the sleep issues only make things worse besides that I noticed I eat more unhealthy foods than usual often at random times during the day sometimes even late at night to try and eat away the pain and most days I tend to sit in front of my computer either browsing the web, doing something else like playing retro games on emulators or using my virtual machines to do tasks like analysing malware or occasionally trying out some linux distro I have never used before like gentoo linux or archbang.
I am also briefly going to mention I am currently seeking help dealing with the trauma from years of verbally and emotionally abusive behaviour from my father who I recently cut ties with because I realised he was becoming far too detrimental to my mental health and the fact he was trying to control my life and my decisions while visiting me and often raining down critical remarks on every possible thing even the most insignificant things he could see or find while trying to say he was "helping" me such as not having cleaned the dishes or cleaned the bathroom and to tell me I was not going to be able to live on my own and that I would be evicted worse still he even blatantly disregarded the fact I was and still am dealing with the loss of my pet telling me things "it's just a rabbit" or " this ends now!" saying that I should basically just get over it which was the breaking point for me and the next day I cut ties with him .
In general there is a lot of darkness , anger and deeply held grudges I need to deal with because it has just piled up over the years and I typically rarely if ever forget any event where I was mistreated and the people that caused it even if it was years ago such as being yelled or screamed at for dumb nonsensical things or witnessing temper tantrums from a parent such as the time where he became so angry he broke a remote control to a dvd/vhs player or getting blamed and yelled at for a laptop screen hinge breaking that I had no control over.
Venting has become an ever common occurence now that I live on my own because there is so much that needs to be let out and I do need to talk with somebody.
I do wish I had a boyfriend preferably one with similar interests to mine possibly on the spectrum as well who could visit me and show me the kind of love and affection that my rabbit once did because it truly did fill some of that void in my heart while he was alive and after he died it was like an old wound was ripped open again that has never healed since.
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