feelings dulled?

[Sui]

I know it is normal for those with autism to have difficulty identifying and expressing feelings, but it is of course a common misconception that does not necessarily mean we are not empathetic.

I have that problem of course, but this is a different topic - I also feel like many of my emotions are greatly dulled. It is quite normal for me to feel apathetic, but I don't mean only that. There are points I feel like I should feel an emotion more strongly, but I'm just kind of empty, though I do feel it to some degree. I do have emotions but a lot of times it's like, I'm aware of them but I don't really feel them. I hope that makes sense to someone here. Almost like watching a movie of myself, and I know the expected response but I don't fully self-insert into the fact that situation is happening to me. I'm very bad at explaining.

Does anyone else here relate to that? I don't know if that's an autism thing or just how I am but I want to clarify that I'm not feeling dulled because I'm depressed or something. Like I could be genuinely happy or angry or surprised in that moment but just... neither express or feel it as much as I feel I should, observing other people it seems like they feel everything 100 times stronger than I do.

When I hear people discussing some of their emotions which I thought I'd felt but it doesn't sound anything like to the degree I feel of it, then I feel like I am missing out somehow. I think the word that fits it best is "depersonalization", and just being less sensitive to things. I do have depression and PTSD so maybe it's more related to that but I don't feel that's the case.

Like sometimes I think I "feel strongly" about something but it's just my thoughts and the feelings don't come? Just wondering if others here can relate.

 

[Progster]

Yes, I experience this. I have difficulty identifying and describing my emotions and I'm often not even aware of feeling them. I can be fine and seem to be coping well, then suddenly melt down in anger or crying, or be physically sick because I was unaware of the the tension and anxiety building up, and the effects it was having on my body. I believe this to be alexithymia, a condition which is considered to be a personality trait rather than a disorder, but which can lead to mental health issues such as depression. It is strongly associated with autism, and as many as 85% of those on the spectrum will also have alexithymia: see link Alexithymia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[watersprite]

I would post something so similar as to Progster as to be repetitious.

For me, a lot of my painting is fueled by this personality trait. That is why I do not consider most of it to be art, but more of a processing of emotions and/or stim.

 

[tree]

Today reading the wikipedia article made the idea of alexithymia
clear to me. I have read other material, and none of that gave
me the impression that this (to me) obscure situation could apply
in any way to me.

This changed my mind---

"Alexithymia is defined by:

1. difficulty identifying feelings and distinguishing between feelings and the bodily sensations of emotional arousal
2. difficulty describing feelings to other people
3. constricted imaginal processes, as evidenced by a scarcity of fantasies
4. a stimulus-bound, externally oriented cognitive style"

So I went here, answered the questionnaire
And discovered that the term easily applied to me.

Online Alexithymia Questionnaire
My score = 126.

 

[Beverly]

I don't think it's a bad thing to be a bit detached from your emotions. I know I am. I am aware of them and, can identify what I feel but, often I have no desire nor inclination to react to those emotions at all. I can name them but, I could not describe what any given emotion feels like. Anger feels like anger, happiness feels like happiness, etc... that's it.

I know how strongly I feel an emotion but, more in an analytical sense than a sensations or thought processes being affected sense. Most of the time I see no gain or benefit to myself, anyone else, or the situation to be gained by reacting to my emotions, it's a waste of energy to react so, I don't react emotionally.

To me, that isn't a fault or flaw, it's simply how I am - I am more analytical than emotional. (Yes I know that is not what is expected of females, but that's me. If someone expects me to be a "normal" female, they don't know me at all.)

 

[Kari Suttle]

My feelings aren't dulled so much as in social situations i'm just too frazzled to really completely put myself into the situation and don't emphathize with the person as i should in the moment - especially with complete strangers like customers at work. Mostly i cannot detect or name my own feelings in the moment. For instance it took years before i could detect a panic attack coming; until i finally learned how to recognize it coming, i would not feel the signs until it was a full blown panic attack.

 

[King_Oni]

I find the notion of alexithymia interesting, but the big question is; if we don't have any specific emotion to attribute and feel, so to speak "empty" and there's a certain absence, it shouldn't mean that we fail to recognize emotions... the idea that "there has to be something" never sat well with me and this is one of those things that just underlines this.

The idea that having dulled down feelings or feeling empty is "wrong" and we all should be screaming bundles of joy and excitement feels irrational and more along those very same lines of "you have to feel something" paired with the notion that anything that's not overly positive is being seen as a problem in itself.

Not to mention that the idea that alexithymia is considered a disorder as such. Yeah, what if... I don't have any interest to have that much emotional depth? I already have plenty of stuff going on in my life as it is, having to worry to apply the correct label with the correct feeling is among the least of my priorities.

 

[Beverly]

King_Oni I agree but, I suspect TPTB would rather we call that "empty" or no emotion going on apathy, which it isn't but, for some reason they seem to thin we have to feel some emotion at all times to be "normal"

My answer to "Are you happy sad or what?" is often "I am. Is that not enough?"

 

[Nitro]

Today reading the wikipedia article made the idea of alexithymia
clear to me. I have read other material, and none of that gave
me the impression that this (to me) obscure situation could apply
in any way to me.

This changed my mind---

"Alexithymia is defined by:

1. difficulty identifying feelings and distinguishing between feelings and the bodily sensations of emotional arousal
2. difficulty describing feelings to other people
3. constricted imaginal processes, as evidenced by a scarcity of fantasies
4. a stimulus-bound, externally oriented cognitive style"

So I went here, answered the questionnaire
And discovered that the term easily applied to me.

Online Alexithymia Questionnaire

Scored a 125 on the test
I struggled with my relationships all of my life and could never read others emotions or express my own. According to the wiki,it fits me to a T and can also appear with my TBI



Great,now I have something else to study about myself

 

[Datura]

Test Results: 120 Points


Alexithymia: You show high alexithymic traits. If you are interested in Alexithymia we would be happy to have you as a regular visitor on our pages.


Detailed Results


Your result is broken down into various factors to give you some insight into your result.

Category: Difficulty Identifying Feelings: 25 Points <15 - 18>
In this category you show high alexithymic traits.

Category: Difficulty Describing Feelings: 16 Points <10 - 12>
In this category you show high alexithymic traits.

Category: Vicarious Interpretation of Feelings: 9 Points <8 - 9>
In this category you show some alexithymic traits.

Category: Externally-Oriented Thinking: 15 Points <18 - 21>
In this category you show no alexithymic traits.

Category: Restricted Imaginative Processes: 14 Points <18 - 21>
In this category you show no alexithymic traits.

Category: Problematic Interpersonal Relationships: 23 Points <15 - 18>
In this category you show high alexithymic traits.

Category: Sexual Difficulties and Disinterest: 18 Points <10 - 12>
In this category you show high alexithymic traits.

I don't know why, but I am rather surprised by these results. I always considered myself rather emotionally attuned and empathetic. Furthermore, I do a lot of internal analysis and talk about my emotions frequently, albeit mostly at the behest of my mom. I am also highly imaginative.

Then again, I frequently experience physical discomfort and then have to sit down and talk about what might be causing it, aware that it is likely a result of stress. Then again, sometimes it's just that it's too hot outside, or my clothes are uncomfortable.

 

[Datura]

Test Results: 120 Points

Alexithymia: You show high alexithymic traits. If you are interested in Alexithymia we would be happy to have you as a regular visitor on our pages.


Category: Difficulty Identifying Feelings: 25 Points <15 - 18>
In this category you show high alexithymic traits.

Category: Difficulty Describing Feelings: 16 Points <10 - 12>
In this category you show high alexithymic traits.

Category: Vicarious Interpretation of Feelings: 9 Points <8 - 9>
In this category you show some alexithymic traits.

Category: Externally-Oriented Thinking: 15 Points <18 - 21>
In this category you show no alexithymic traits.

Category: Restricted Imaginative Processes: 14 Points <18 - 21>
In this category you show no alexithymic traits.

Category: Problematic Interpersonal Relationships: 23 Points <15 - 18>
In this category you show high alexithymic traits.

Category: Sexual Difficulties and Disinterest: 18 Points <10 - 12>
In this category you show high alexithymic traits.

As an imaginative and introspective individual I find these results rather surprising. Then again, I often have to discuss my emotions with other people just to figure out what they are and what is causing them. Sometimes I don't know if what I am feeling is because I am stressed about something or I am, say, overdressed for the weather.
Interesting...

This might (at least in part) explain my asexuality.

 

[royinpink]

Wanted to add that depersonalization can be caused by ptsd or in some cases extreme anxiety associated with asd alone.

That said, it could also be alexithymia. For me alexithymia is less like an out of body experience and more like I am just logically working out emotions based on external information. ..until the emotions are strong enough to overcome my analytical mind and I have them x10. I revel in it. I love feeling intensely. Some don't. They find it a threatening vulnerability and would much rather depersonalize to stay in control if that's what it takes.

 

[tree]

I find the notion of alexithymia interesting...

Not to mention that the idea that alexithymia is considered a disorder as such.

I think it's considered a personality trait,
not disorder. Just a description.

 

[Patrick Stark]

So I went here, answered the questionnaire
And discovered that the term easily applied to me.

Online Alexithymia Questionnaire
My score = 126.

My score was 147 and I wasn't surprised. I constantly feel like I'm not getting the full picture as all I feel to situations are varying levels of good and bad. Like one thing might make me feel a lot bad but I won't know if that's fear or pain or anger.
Especially when trying to talk to friends about it, they seem to be able to describe in depth exactly what they're feeling with great detail.

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

Ok I took the test. It was like the the Aspergers test. Tested in the extreme problem child zone, if a score of 152 qualifies.
The thing is, I accept that this is who I am. I am still productive, happy and proud.
I think some folks are self actualizing and really do not need human drama to give meaning to their own existence.
I will go as far as to say that social interaction is somewhat artificial and contrived, as is culture as a whole, as well as our memes, specifically.
Thus the standard of social behavior is based on an artificial and contrived system that works for the thundering herd the average just fine, but fails the test of reason for the eagles that soar, the lions that roar and us wolves that just want to run free. We don't fit in well.
I would have to be a dimwit not to know who I am at 67.
What I can't figure out is why do the sheep set the standard. The inspiration of the mundane. The genius of the average. The common sense of the easily led and misled promotes the insipid.
Come on let's get real here. Take IQ for example, just so we can quantify this a little bit. Downs syndrome IQ about 80?, tops. The mean IQ in US 98 but 100 is considered average. The question is how well can a Downs and Average person socially interact and communicate. My money is on ... Poorly.
OK how well would a normal of a 100 IQ and an Asper of let's say that of 135, socialize and communicate. The disparity is even greater and I contend.. Poorly
It is like the clowns grading the marks

 

[Beverly]

Ok I took the test. It was like the the Aspergers test. Tested in the extreme problem child zone, if a score of 152 qualifies.
The thing is, I accept that this is who I am. I am still productive, happy and proud.
I think some folks are self actualizing and really do not need human drama to give meaning to their own existence.
I will go as far as to say that social interaction is somewhat artificial and contrived, as is culture as a whole as well as our memes, specifically. Thus the standard of social behavior is based on an artificial and contrived system that works for the thundering herd just fine but fails the test of reason for the eagles that soar, the lions that roar and us wolves that just want to run free. We don't fit in well. I would have to be a dimwit not to know who I am at 67. What I can't figure out is why do the sheep set the standard. The inspiration of the mundane. The genius of the average. The common sense of the easily led and misled.
Come on let's get real here. Take IQ, just so we. An quantify this a little bit. Down syndrome IQ about 80? , mean IQ in US 98 but 100 is considered average. The question is how well can a Downs and Average person socially interact and communicate. My money is on ... Poorly.
OK how well would a normal of a 100 IQ and an Asper of let's say that of 135, socialize and communicate. The disparity is even greater and I contend.. Poorly
It like the clowns grading the marks

You make a good point. Another thing I have noted about myself, when I'm dealing with emotionally trying things with one of my Aspie friends, as I am now, we are both very good at expressing our emotions to each other, and we feel them intensely but, the minute we have to deal with NTs we shut it all down instinctively, without thing about it or intending to do so.

My friend and I have been discussing that, and we think it may be a hard wired mechanism that has not been properly documented because NTs are the ones trying to analyze and document us and, we instinctively behave differently around them than we do with another Aspie. FOr us (friend an me) we don't demonstrate our emotion to each other the same as an NT would but, we understand what the other is feeling, without words instantly and completely. We can read the non verbal cues between ourselves flawlessly, easily, naturally. Neither of us can do that to save our lives with NTs but, we do with Aspies, not just each other but that's the example I have right now.

I do it with other Aspies too, not all Aspies but a lot of the ones I know and so does my friend. Is this some form of IQ compatibility and, we have some sort of subconscious mechanism detecting the IQ compatibility of others? If so, then there's one more supposed flaw or defect that, in my mind, isn't a flaw or defect at all and, is actually a good or more advance thing instead.

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

As an imaginative and introspective individual I find these results rather surprising. Then again, I often have to discuss my emotions with other people just to figure out what they are and what is causing them. Sometimes I don't know if what I am feeling is because I am stressed about something or I am, say, overdressed for the weather.
Interesting...

This might (at least in part) explain my asexuality.

You make a good point. Another thing I have noted about myself, when I'm dealing with emotionally trying things with one of my Aspie friends, as I am now, we are both very good at expressing our emotions to each other, and we feel them intensely but, the minute we have to deal with NTs we shut it all down instinctively, without thing about it or intending to do so.

My friend and I have been discussing that, and we think it may be a hard wired mechanism that has not been properly documented because NTs are the ones trying to analyze and document us and, we instinctively behave differently around them than we do with another Aspie. FOr us (friend an me) we don't demonstrate our emotion to each other the same as an NT would but, we understand what the other is feeling, without words instantly and completely. We can read the non verbal cues between ourselves flawlessly, easily, naturally. Neither of us can do that to save our lives with NTs but, we do with Aspies, not just each other but that's the example I have right now.

I do it with other Aspies too, not all Aspies but a lot of the ones I know and so does my friend. Is this some form of IQ compatibility and, we have some sort of subconscious mechanism detecting the IQ compatibility of others? If so, then there's one more supposed flaw or defect that, in my mind, isn't a flaw or defect at all and, is actually a good or more advance thing instead.

Bev, all good points. I agree with about everything you said. One point I will expand upon.
Since all of us have our unique minds, experiences and thus perceptions, then, perhaps no one deeply understands another and the superficiality of trying to endure the lack of understanding of the dissimilar others, is far more an exercise of expediency and compassion than actual communication.
Speaking for myself only, I strive more to understand me than others.

 

[piney13]

When I talk with others Aspie's I have noticed that there seems to be less of a need to be wordy and expressive...just the facts....AND they "get it"
Or do I feel comfortable enough talking to other Aspies that it is not necessary to be wordy and expressive ?
Where as with NT's, Maybe they need words and expressions?...

 

[Nitro]

When I talk with others Aspie's I have noticed that there seems to be less of a need to be wordy and expressive...just the facts....
Or do I feel comfortable enough talking to other Aspies that it is not necessary to be wordy and expressive ?

Unfortunately,it is not an all aspie world.I tend to sort out many by their intelligence that I keep close to me because we are on the same level. I do not base my friendships on it,so it requires a bit of adjustment for those who are not so fortunate to hold my interest. If the only people I chose to talk to were only auties,it would have narrowed my playing field and my business ventures would have been failures. The idea of an autistic utopia has been discussed here before,but it is my opinion that it would be a failure because it requires all walks of life to form a society,not just a chosen few with their selected style of communication. If you struggle with small talk and don't need it,avoid it,you have that choice.

 

[piney13]

Test Results: 143 Points



Alexithymia: You show high alexithymic traits. If you are interested in Alexithymia we would be happy to have you as a regular visitor on our pages.

And now? Join Us!


We hope that this questionnaire was some kind of help for you. It will not be the one and definite answer but might give you some insights and ideas to think about. This page is completely anonymous and everything is for free. If you want to join the community there is no stuff we want to sell you and we will not bother you in any way. It offers a wonderful opportunity to discuss with others about emotions and feelings and the different perceptions of people.

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Detailed Results


Your result is broken down into various factors to give you some insight into your result.

Category: Difficulty Identifying Feelings: Points <15 - 18>
In this category you show no alexithymic traits.

Category: Difficulty Describing Feelings: Points <10 - 12>
In this category you show no alexithymic traits.

Category: Vicarious Interpretation of Feelings: Points <8 - 9>
In this category you show no alexithymic traits.

Category: Externally-Oriented Thinking: Points <18 - 21>
In this category you show no alexithymic traits.

Category: Restricted Imaginative Processes: Points <18 - 21>
In this category you show no alexithymic traits.

Category: Problematic Interpersonal Relationships: Points <15 - 18>
In this category you show no alexithymic traits.

Category: Sexual Difficulties and Disinterest: Points <10 - 12>
In this category you show no alexithymic traits.