Feeling alone and friendless.

[SimplyWandering]

The only thing i want in this world is to help people and not feel alone or feel like i am being used...

Nobody in this world seems to understand how much damage sensory issues cause.

Medications don't help and i am tired if living like i am in my own bubble... i am tired of getting emotionally tired from spending a couple hours with people.

What do i do?

 

[SunnyDay16]

Hey there

I'm sorry you are feeling alone. I hope that here you will be able to connect with some people, as many of us know what it's like to feel lonely and like nobody really understands us.

I think it's awesome that you want to help people. However, you want to make sure you're helping the right people, and not people who will take advantage of your kindness. Have you tried volunteering?

I see that you have said "nobody" understands how much your sensory issues affect you, but "nobody" is too much of an all-or-nothing word. There's 6 billion people in the world and a big portion you haven't met yet. And, of course, there's people here with sensory issues too!

How are your boundaries with people? Do you think maybe you have a hard time setting healthy boundaries with people? Or a hard time saying "no"?

I'm asking this because setting and enforcing boundaries is one of the keys to having equal, healthy relationships with people. If you make you and your time too easily available, people will notice that and take advantage of it. It's not right, but it is human nature.

 

[TheFreeCat]

My sensory issues have shut me down as well. I don't mind not being around people anymore. I don't find it sad to be isolated. It was never worth it, being misunderstood, yelled at, hit at times, bullied. Why would I want to risk people anymore?

I feel safe alone and I feel at peace alone. I am fortunate to have a small core of family who still cares for me, but the rest of the family does not like me much. And that's ok. The feeling is mutual.

Do you have anyone that you can connect to ? I don't want to disparage your suffering or downplay your loneliness. I just wanted to say that it does not always have to be bad for everyone.

 

[Pats]

The only thing i want in this world is to help people and not feel alone or feel like i am being used...

Nobody in this world seems to understand how much damage sensory issues cause.

Medications don't help and i am tired if living like i am in my own bubble... i am tired of getting emotionally tired from spending a couple hours with people.

What do i do?

I think I understand what you are saying. Before my diagnosis I was so distraught because I thought I needed to be around people and help others, but it was just soooo hard. Once I was diagnosed and realized why it was so hard I was less hard on myself. But even still, I want to help my kids out but I can only handle so much and then I have to hermit at home for a while to recover. I'm still looking for that middle of the road, what I can handle without being overloaded.
A lot of times I try to help in other ways, that doesn't involve physically going to them. Has anyone ever given you a small gift that they made or picked up because they were thinking about you? Did it lift your spirits? So that's the kind of things I am able to do.
I think we have it in our minds that it has to be a certain way or this or that because that's what society expects and we fill pressured to follow suit. But we have to find our own way.

 

[Fino]

Which medications have you tried? Have you had much therapy?

 

[Bedlamite]

If you make you and your time too easily available, people will notice that and take advantage of it.

I don't mind not being around people anymore.

... I thought I needed to be around people...

Funny, after literally decades of dealing with being recluse, I am very proficient in managing my "boundaries" with other people. To be honest, being a recluse is not always my choice but a reaction - a bitterness from other people's treatment. All my life I've been told, "Ah, we must get together to do this or that..." Nothing! I keep telling myself that I'm just having a bad day but after many, many years of the same old treatment from other people, maybe I'm just having a bad life.

I stated all this to say this; "SimplyWandering, I can relate!!!"

I'm sorry I don't have any advise or suggestions as to how you may cope with what you are experiencing, but my bottom line is - you are not alone.

 

[Pats]

Funny, after literally decades of dealing with being recluse, I am very proficient in managing my "boundaries" with other people. To be honest, being a recluse is not always my choice but a reaction - a bitterness from other people's treatment. All my life I've been told, "Ah, we must get together to do this or that..." Nothing! I keep telling myself that I'm just having a bad day but after many, many years of the same old treatment from other people, maybe I'm just having a bad life.

I stated all this to say this; "SimplyWandering, I can relate!!!"

I'm sorry I don't have any advise or suggestions as to how you may cope with what you are experiencing, but my bottom line is - you are not alone.

Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! I feel horrible now.
I guess I got so used to hearing the "we need to get together for lunch" or whatever so often and never hearing from the person I guess I started believing it was just a polite thing to say and just leaving the possibility open, should that rare chance occur. I've used it in an attempt to end a visit or conversation and now I feel bad about it. But it's not that I have no intention of meeting them or that I wouldn't go if they ask me at the right time without giving me time to think about it and back out.

 

[Bedlamite]

I feel horrible now

Don't. There is no need to feel like that. I was merely making a point from my own personal observations.

I've used it in an attempt to end a visit or conversation

That is exactly what people have done to me all my life. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this tactic, I'm just giving reason why my reclusive disposition stems from a state of bitterness.

 

[Judge]

Once I was diagnosed and realized why it was so hard I was less hard on myself. But even still, I want to help my kids out but I can only handle so much and then I have to hermit at home for a while to recover. I'm still looking for that middle of the road, what I can handle without being overloaded.

I think you have expressed yourself very well in this instance. One that so many of us can probably relate to. However here's another piece of the puzzle that I suspect many of us can relate to as well.

That for us, there really isn't that "middle of the road" you are looking for. That it's what makes our existence so difficult at times. That we can both crave and loath human contact with others and in relatively the same time frame. Which is beyond awkward at times for so many of us.

It may make no sense, yet to me it's exactly what is going on in my head in a social sense. That in essence, "it is what it is". And that for me, it's why I make no apologies for often living like a "hermit".

 

[Pats]

Don't. There is no need to feel like that. I was merely making a point from my own personal observations.



That is exactly what people have done to me all my life. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this tactic, I'm just giving reason why my reclusive disposition stems from a state of bitterness.

I'll still try to refrain from doing it again. I'll just try to find another statement for closure.

 

[SunnyDay16]

Funny, after literally decades of dealing with being recluse, I am very proficient in managing my "boundaries" with other people. To be honest, being a recluse is not always my choice but a reaction - a bitterness from other people's treatment. All my life I've been told, "Ah, we must get together to do this or that..." Nothing! I keep telling myself that I'm just having a bad day but after many, many years of the same old treatment from other people, maybe I'm just having a bad life.

I stated all this to say this; "SimplyWandering, I can relate!!!"

I'm sorry I don't have any advise or suggestions as to how you may cope with what you are experiencing, but my bottom line is - you are not alone.

Most people have flaky friends in their lives, so trust me you're not the only one. I think in this modern society people are just flaky in general, as there is so much going on and when people make plans they don't really view the plans as important events they must attend to but events they can go to when they have the time and feel like it.

I think us aspies especially can get confused about this, because in our minds when somebody makes plans with us we think that must mean they really are set on it and will be committed to it, but in reality it's all about convenience for them.

Don't get me wrong, you absolutely have a right to feel frustrated or even a little bitter about this constant flakiness, but let me assure you that this is something so many people experience. I've flaked out on things I agreed to do before too and it has nothing to do with the other person; I am just too exhausted to carry through or don't want to at the moment, but I try my best to make up for it some way.

I try not to agree to plans if I know I won't carry through with them, but none of us are perfect. And some people are just unreliable, as it's their personality and you know you can't rely on them for anything.

 

[Bedlamite]

I'll still try to refrain from doing it again. I'll just try to find another statement for closure.

Again Pats, I was merely making a statement and was not directing that statement toward anyone in particular here on this fourm. I did not mean to offend anyone that may have felt apprehensive about what I stated. If that happened - I apologize.

One of my strong aspie traits is taking what others say "literally". Our world is absolutely overrun with neurotypical people that say what they really don't mean. It is their "method" or "style" at making conversation. I have known some NT's that blabber so much vain nonsense and won't shut up. However, we on the spectrum, in an attempt to "fit-in" mask some of their "styles" of conversation without even realizing it. It is an easy "natural" tendency for us to develop their habits subconsciously. That should not make us feel guilty.

Another one of my strong aspie traits is to misunderstand others. I've actually been told by management personnel where I worked that I "take things the wrong way". So I just wanted to clarify that my statement was merely my own bitter frustration with the way neurotypical people treat those of us that are on the spectrum.

 

[Pats]

Again Pats, I was merely making a statement and was not directing that statement toward anyone in particular here on this fourm. I did not mean to offend anyone that may have felt apprehensive about what I stated. If that happened - I apologize.

One of my strong aspie traits is taking what others say "literally". Our world is absolutely overrun with neurotypical people that say what they really don't mean. It is their "method" or "style" at making conversation. I have known some NT's that blabber so much vain nonsense and won't shut up. However, we on the spectrum, in an attempt to "fit-in" mask some of their "styles" of conversation without even realizing it. It is an easy "natural" tendency for us to develop their habits subconsciously. That should not make us feel guilty.

Another one of my strong aspie traits is to misunderstand others. I've actually been told by management personnel where I worked that I "take things the wrong way". So I just wanted to clarify that my statement was merely my own bitter frustration with the way neurotypical people treat those of us that are on the spectrum.

Oh, please, don't feel bad - I didn't take any of your posts as directed toward me or as offensive. It just made me realize something I did myself - as you said - masking by picking up on some of the NT's styles of conversation without thinking about it. You just gave me the opportunity to think about what I was actually doing and correcting it. Possibly saving me in the process. After all, what if I were to make that statement in an attempt to get away from someone and the other person accept and want to make immediate plans??? Then I'd be stuck, not knowing what to do next. lol
Why do we even mimic society to begin with since we usually don't even like what society has become? At least I don't.

 

[SimplyWandering]

Thank you all for posting.

I have a couple people who were there for me last year , but i kept trying to hang out and they kept saying "sure, when i am not so busy." I was even real good friends with 1 couple went to their wedding last year . They barely have time for me and honestly it is exhausting being around people.

I have a coupled friend who just moved a couple 100 miles away 2 months and i am saddened, but perfectly fine by myself. i still chat with them weekly and talk to then.

I cant handle being around people for too long and often caring about what they like is a struggle , I'm usually focused on myself and i don't see that changing.

I know i am weird and different and disappear from time to time and that is unexplainable to the vast majority of people, who are not open-minded .

I don't know if i have a real point here, i am just tired of feeling like this.

Would sticking strictly to personal interactions with those on the Spectrun be better for me?

PS my boyfriend is NT and he drags me to a lot of functions.