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Extreme social anxiety

Something05

Something05

Member
I find it extremely difficult to socialise with people, even online. I'm too socially anxious to even play online games with voice chat. I constantly worry about what others think about me. My psychologist has tried to get me to make small talk with store workers as practice for being social, I didn't end up doing that, I made excuses like "I didn't have the opportunity to" but in reality I just really didn't want to do it. The only way I can think of to get out of my social isolation is to get a job where I can meet people. The volunteer job I worked at mostly had people decades older than me, and one guy near my age who stopped showing up. I'm supposed to get help from an employment service soon
 
Your psychologist... in my opinion, is going about things in the wrong way... trying to fix symptoms without addressing the problem. Perhaps something to discuss... but often times the underlying mechanisms of all of this lie within your ego (sense of self) and default mode network (logic and filtering) ... which includes the amygdala's (fear centers). There are different ways to go about therapy... meditation and guided psychedelic sessions to name a few... but the goals here would be to begin decreasing that influence. Basically, get to that point where you simply go through life more open-minded, empathetic, and frankly, not care what others think of you whilst you are emotionally free to just be you.
 
Much older Aussie here. As a kid I was bullied pretty badly at school and my home life wasn't all that much better either, and I could have ended up with extreme social anxiety.

Quitting school and getting a job at 16 changed everything for me. The people I worked with were really good to me and for the first time in my life I had role models that I looked up to, it was from these people that I started to learn social skills for the first time in my life.

A part of this though was that I left my old neighbourhood behind, and all the wankers in it. My job was on the other side of the city and I made friends with people that I didn't go to school with and didn't know me as a child. I got out of that school yard mentality. I never saw anyone from my school years again and I never wanted to.

Snap! Cut to a new world where I could start again.

In the 90s I got in to video games big time, but I found online gaming communities were mostly just the same sorts of vindictive arseholes that I went to school with. I still play a lot of video games but I never play online for the sake of my mental health.
 
Outdated said:
Much older Aussie here. As a kid I was bullied pretty badly at school and my home life wasn't all that much better either, and I could have ended up with extreme social anxiety.

Quitting school and getting a job at 16 changed everything for me. The people I worked with were really good to me and for the first time in my life I had role models that I looked up to, it was from these people that I started to learn social skills for the first time in my life.

A part of this though was that I left my old neighbourhood behind, and all the wankers in it. My job was on the other side of the city and I made friends with people that I didn't go to school with and didn't know me as a child. I got out of that school yard mentality. I never saw anyone from my school years again and I never wanted to.

Snap! Cut to a new world where I could start again.

In the 90s I got in to video games big time, but I found online gaming communities were mostly just the same sorts of vindictive arseholes that I went to school with. I still play a lot of video games but I never play online for the sake of my mental health.
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I also quit school, I wasn't able to get a job though. Finding employment is very difficult for me. No degrees, no qualifications, no charisma, can't even drive yet, still taking lessons.
 
Having a driver's license is a big thing, even if you're only applying for an office job in the city. There's a stereotype around people that don't have a license, they're seen as socially immature and expect everyone else to drive them around all the time.

When I quit school I was only 16, I also had no qualifications and no experience. I went to a lot of job interviews before I got lucky. I even applied for an officer's cadetship with the ADF, passed all their tests with flying colours except for the psych test, apparently I have issues with authority. :)
 
Outdated said:
Having a driver's license is a big thing, even if you're only applying for an office job in the city. There's a stereotype around people that don't have a license, they're seen as socially immature and expect everyone else to drive them around all the time.

When I quit school I was only 16, I also had no qualifications and no experience. I went to a lot of job interviews before I got lucky. I even applied for an officer's cadetship with the ADF, passed all their tests with flying colours except for the psych test, apparently I have issues with authority. :)
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I live in a rural suburb with pretty much no public transport, so getting a driver's licence is definitely important I think.
 
Something05 said:
I live in a rural suburb with pretty much no public transport, so getting a driver's licence is definitely important I think.
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Far more important than for those in a city. Someone in a city can lie and say that they're worried about polluting the environment but out in rural districts if you can't drive then you're totally reliant on others.

Much harder to find work and to escape from your childhood in rural areas too. If you had to take a job in the city are you able to commute or are you too far out? Do you have relatives in the city you could stay with at first if you do get a job? That could really help to smooth things out for you and make life a lot easier. Make it easier for you to set yourself up and become self sufficient.
 
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Far more important than for those in a city. Someone in a city can lie and say that they're worried about polluting the environment but out in rural districts if you can't drive then you're totally reliant on others.

Much harder to find work and to escape from your childhood in rural areas too. If you had to take a job in the city are you able to commute or are you too far out? Do you have relatives in the city you could stay with at first if you do get a job? That could really help to smooth things out for you and make life a lot easier. Make it easier for you to set yourself up and become self sufficient.
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There are some neighbouring towns/suburbs a fairly short drive away
 
Something05 said:
There are some neighbouring towns/suburbs a fairly short drive away
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That's good, so if you got a job in the city it's not going to be like 4 hours each way each day to get to work. That sort of thing is a big deciding factor for employers when they're hiring too, how far you have to travel affects how reliable they think you might be.

Don't give up. You'll find something but only if you keep trying.
 
Outdated said:
Having a driver's license is a big thing, even if you're only applying for an office job in the city. There's a stereotype around people that don't have a license, they're seen as socially immature and expect everyone else to drive them around all the time.
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Many residents of New York City do not know how to drive or ever own a vehicle because it isn't needed and it is very expensive to pay for a parking garage space. Public transportation is how they get around and no one thinks it is weird. I had a good friend from NYC while I was in law school in New Orleans whom I taught to drive. No one in his family owned a car or knew how to drive. After he got his driver's license, he bought a used car and drove from Louisiana to New York to visit his family and drove them to the Jersey shore for a beach holiday. His family was so impressed, and I felt good that I had helped him learn.
 
I am thinking the broader issue is not necessarily obtaining a driver's license and ownership of personal transportation, per se, as it is about personal mobility, not being socially isolated, and having access to the greater community, social environment, and job opportunities.
 
I have social anxiety too, although less bad than you describe it. It still sucks.

In my experience, phobic disorders (such as social anxiety disorder) get worse, the more you avoid, and only get better (or stabilize at a certain intensity) if you practise and expose yourself. Getting a job where you're around people might certainly be an effective exposure method, but also risky, as you'll have to rely financially on tackling this fear. That can be a strong motivator and help you, but it can also be too much for you. Maybe take it down a step and obligate yourself to join/expose yourself to people in a fixed environment (such as a hobby, sports, volunteering) but without your financial responsibility hanging on it?

Also, and of course this is a personal preference, but if your social anxiety is this debilitating, you might want to consider trying medication (usually antidepressants) as a form of baseline support.
 
Mary Terry said:
Many residents of New York City do not know how to drive or ever own a vehicle because it isn't needed and it is very expensive to pay for a parking garage space.
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I knew a lady living in Paris who said the same thing and if you explore Paris through google street view you soon see why. Australia's sprawled out cities are a different matter though, and even in our biggest cities where you can get away without driving there's a stigma around not being able to drive. A license is sort of a symbol of independence and someone being better able to stand on their own two feet.

Our cities are almost ghost towns at night, very few people live in them. Almost everyone is out in the suburbs.
 
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Outdated said:
I knew a lady living in Paris who said the same thing and if you explore Paris through google street view you soon see why. Australia's sprawled out cities are a different matter though, and even in our biggest cities where you can get away without driving there's a stigma around not being able to drive. A license is sort of a symbol of independence and someone being better able to stand on their own two feet.

Our cities are almost ghost towns at night, very few people live in them. Almost everyone is out in the suburbs.
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Most of the US is the same - sprawling communities and virtually non-existent public transportation so personal vehicles are absolutely necessary. Densely populated cities like NYC are much more likely to provide good transportation for residents.
 
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