Exes, feelings and opportunity

[Gomendosi]

Just curious as to the popular opinion on this one...
You and your partner of many, many years, split up amicably and you go in different directions but are still communicating & essentially best friends. Neither of you have anybody else, now apparently they are soon going to be in your state for a few weeks & will be staying with you for some of that time.

Okay, enough info, what would you do, what should you do?

 

[Cyanide Lollipop]

There's a reason why you're not still together.

 

[Gomendosi]

There's a reason why you're not still together.

Yeah I know right! Thats exactly what I said, but nobody takes MY advice ; ]

 

[Peace]

There is also a reason you are still friends. Often times we confuse feelings of friendship with that of love. It sounds like this may be the case here. The friendship lasted, because that is what truly existed to begin with, and what you should now enjoy.
Nature has a way of finding a balance.

 

[Gomendosi]

Hey, thanks to everybody for your opinions, it was nice to see so many replies with so many diverse thoughts on this dilemma!
I am so glad I posted this as the responses have all been so well thought out, whether it was for or against, it's always warms my heart to see we Aspies can come together and help one another out like this.


(now, I should go post in that thread about whether people on the spectrum can recognize sarcasm or not LOL)

 

[pacman]

There's a reason why you're not still together.

Well, what you do depends on the reason. For example, I had to break up with my girlfriend of two years on discovering that I was gay. So in that case, there would be no issue with her staying at my place.

 

[Cyanide Lollipop]

Well, what you do depends on the reason. For example, I had to break up with my girlfriend of two years on discovering that I was gay. So in that case, there would be no issue with her staying at my place.

There's no issue with simply staying at an ex's home, if that is all that happens. There could well be problems if they decide to act on physical urges. It has already been decided that the woman is staying with Gomendosi and I'm getting the impression he is straight.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I have an acquaintance who lives in the same house with a woman without being physically involved. It's for financial reasons. However, I don't know what complications might be connected with the whole thing when the person is an ex who likely brings up memories.

 

[Gomendosi]

There's no issue with simply staying at an ex's home, if that is all that happens. There could well be problems if they decide to act on physical urges. It has already been decided that the woman is staying with Gomendosi and I'm getting the impression he is straight.

Sorry, the question is not about me or I would have been happy to provide more info instead of playing it "need-to-know", and Cyanide Lollipop gets a prize for guessing correctly that my orientation is indeed towards the female of the species ; ]

So my thought is that if they were getting back together then nothing would be out of order, but if they are only going to go their separate ways again after the visit then why open old wounds, maybe even going out together (dates?) would not be a good idea because if one or the other hasn't gotten over the feelings they shared it could mean permanent loss of the relationship this time. I mean, it stands to reason that there is still feeling there otherwise they would not be such good friends, but if they get involved again... And the fact that they are staying together for the visit is alright if its just for convenience, but who could control their urges when they have history, no partners and obviously feelings that have been channelled into a "friendship".

Neither of them has discovered they're gay either by the way ; ]

 

[Cyanide Lollipop]

Thanks for the clarification, Gomendosi. My answer remains the same. There was a reason for the break up in the first place. Jumping in the sack has the potential to create complications and hurt, plus it could result in the end of the friendship. It seems to be quite common that people rekindle a relationship these days, but it's rare for people to get back together and stay together. Most cases that I know of just reopened some old wounds and inevitably the couple split up again. Personally, if someone did not fight for me at the time of the original break up and now wants to have sex with me, I would perceive that as using me and I hate being used. I don't like to use other people either. So stay there if both parties are in agreement and make it clear that the relationship is staying in the past.

 

[Slothie]

Haha it's my life basically already. I manage though.

 

[Sparticus]

I was in a similar situation. My former live in lover & still best friend wanted to make love to me. I asked my Jewish boss what to do. He was a father figure & the best boss I ever had. He asked me to take a walk with him away from the company. Then he told me "if both of you know nothing will come of it, then why not?" Something like that. However as things progressed she wanted me to marry her. Tough call. No one knows your heart or hers.

Sometimes things happen, we make love and next day everything is the same. Other times the other person expects more. Good luck!