Executive dysfunction

[BirdsNest]

Any time I have held a job in the past, basically everything else was neglected in order to do my work well. This means (with very limited exception) no phone calls, no appointments, no social life, no cleaning up, very minimal self care. Every day was pour my everything into work, then distract.

I am scared I will never be able to hold a job, have a life and in general be a functional adult human.
The only thing I have found that kind of helps is writing down each individual step of complex tasks and following the list.

My getting ready list, if I do not follow it, I invariably forget at least one step, usually several. This doesn't help with my energy, mental flexibility or distractibility, but it does eliminate the need for me to hold each step in my mind, remember them and put them together.
There are so many things I could do, things that could and would help me, I have heard and tried everything I know of, but taking on a new thing, even one that would help me, can jeopardize everything else I am trying to hold together.


I would appreciate hearing about similar experiences, what helps you, ideas or anything else that could help.
Thanks!

Yep. Jobs suck up everything I have. Plus I suspect I have a touch of ME following a traumatic head injury... today I am so tired and I ache. I feel like I've spent yesterday running. In reality, I spent 4.5 hours teaching.

It makes me feel so useless that it makes me want to cry sometimes.

The ME/AS combination. I try so hard and have to go the extra mile just to keep my job together.... only to come out as being ok in comparison to everyone else.

Academically I'm great, but University/academia/being assessed within a time frame was incredibly stressful for me. When writing essays or doing projects I just could not switch my mind off the universe of infinite possibilities that stretched out before me. So my essays were often tangential and lacking in direction. Also the tutors moved the goalposts a lot which stressed me out big time.

I don't know how I kept up being a freelancer in the creative sector for 3.5 years. The stress of the unpredictable income and having to 'change hats' with every job and client... managing the qualitative differing expectations of clients...

Similar to you I can make lots of plans/lists as a way of keeping track of everything I need to do. However if ONE THING changes the entire list very easily will go out the window. Or I neglect something else that is very important. :/ Sometimes I can't win.

 

[Mary Lyn]

I have ME as well. It stinks.

 

[BirdsNest]

I have ME as well. It stinks.

 

[Ang]

Know how you feel.... my minds a small jar, when you pour marbles in there some spill out.. normal people got larger jars so that the marbles stay put, with room to roll.

Not saying I'm stupid, however I'm easily distracted.

I've come to the conclusion that I have executive disfunction myself.. everytime new info is input I inevitably lose something else from my shirterm working memory.

From the outside , its observed that I'm all over the place, somehow purposefully jumping from one project to another.


One input offsets the other so that it is impossible for me not to forget something as I'm doing it.

No matter how hard I try at work, and no matter how great of a job I do, there is always a take away; there is always a mistake made.

I realized that as time went on, and saw that others do not have this problem. It is time I admit I am handicapped.

However, this is not about me. Of course this is about you. You are doing what you need to do to help yourself by making lists.

What has also helped me was a personal journal.. this is a little notebook I carry around with me, as it acts as an extension of my working memeory.

I will literally write "today you fked up by not checking tomorows truck manifest. You were not prepared for shipment; check it next time".

The detail is real also..I analyze a situation and steps to a T, much like you do, but instead of just a regular checklist, it is also a journal and reference book. Whenever I have a shipment coming in I read over entries from prior shipments. Every mistake I make, and every success I write down. This has improved my performance.



Do I look like a weirdo carrying a little book everywhere? Yes.. am I afraid someone will glimpse inside? Yes.. however most just look at it as some professional book that I jot notes down in. If they knew what it was they'd laugh.

I dont go crazy organizing things to sections. Just write whatever comes to your mind that needs to be worked on , get done, or what has been observed. Reread the little book, or parts you find useful the next day. Without restraint within the journal I do create individual checklists for the entirety of the day.

Am I now perfect? Hell no. Do I have a more organized life? Somewhat. However My life has less stress and I am more productive. It also comes in handy when you need to vent.