Enforced Smiles in Polite Company

[RemyZee]

I have to go to a work event--a big training conference that I have to attend every year with educational sessions and break out rooms, plenaries, and speakers and workshops and groupwork. My role is basically to just go. It's a 2 day conference where I'll stay in a hotel.

The thing is this:

I HATE it. Because it is in a gigantic conference room with high velocity lights, people everywhere and wanting to either talk to you or ignore you, and sessions where you are repeatedly put on the spot where people ask unexpected questions and demand you participate when truth be known you can't.. You HAVE to talk to people, go up to them try to say good things about the conference, but I Can't. And when we are in the breakout sessions, at times I will be asked questions and can't respond, but will instead be like, "uhhhh uhhhh". It is EVERYTHING that is hard for me. It is loud. Swarmed. Self-conscious. Bright. You have to eat in front of people you don't know. Demanding communication though I have no idea what people are saying. The demand for participation. I don't know how to kiss ass. Last year, I went into the restroom repeatedly and basically just hid in a stall during breaks. At other times during small group break outs, I was called on and couldn't respond. in the past I have gotten really lost, just in the space of the hotel, so I couldn't find the room I was going to, had to keep asking people where I was supposed to go. Another day, no kidding, during a break I walked straight into what appeared to be an elevator closet. The expectations is that I will be professional and familiar with the topic. I am familiar with the topic, but not professional. I really want to bring things and offer things, but they just shove people into this gigantic brightly lit place so I can't really learn anything and can't contribute. People are really nice there, it's not their fault.

 

[Judge]

Socialization/occasions for business were always very stressful to me. So many agendas in play by people. Feeling a sense of insincerity all around me. Unpleasant memories.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I agree those kinds of events are horrible. Hanging out in a bathroom stall is something I’ve done. I also will go outside and try to find some trees or grass.

I’ve been told many many times I have a lovely smile. So I smile a lot. Just smile. After a while it becomes a habit.

This may sound facetious, but here goes: Quakers believe there is that of God in everyone, so instead of getting weirder out by it all, turn it into a sociological scientific study of everyone else there.

Basically, let yourself float above it all and just be an observer.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Basically, let yourself float above it all and just be an observer.

That's the only way I can deal with crowds. But the noise and close proximity of bodies still get to me after a while.

 

[Grondhammar]

Basically, let yourself float above it all and just be an observer.

This is beautiful. I might have to give that a try, because I kind-of take the opposite approach.

I handle these events with panels and breakout sessions by asking very pointed and precise questions that people have trouble answering. I'm recently diagnosed, and part of the reason I chose to go through the diagnosis process was recognising how uncommon it is that I can listen and slice presentations down to their core and find weaknesses in real time. I'd sit in a crowd of seventy or eighty people at a panel session and wait for someone to point out the (to me) glaringly obvious problems, and no one would.

Anyway, people learn quickly to leave me out of all the other semi-obligatory social stuff. And I like that, because then I go find somewhere quiet and everyone is happier.

(side note: I'm not going to go around these places with a sign saying I'm autistic. I would probably cause a lot of people to have a very negative view of autism if I did)

I often feel like Socrates in Athens at these things... if the panelists/presenters could force-feed me hemlock, they would. Luckily there are people in positions of power who like that I ask hard questions (of other people, of course). So it all works out.