Education problems.

[Zachary Anderson]

I have recently just finished a lvl 2 course in barbering and will be going onto the lvl 3 in September. The lvl 2 was only one day a week for six hours and the lvl 3, I've hear, is two days a week - six hours each. The problem I have is some of my class mates don't understand the struggles I have, I informed them all I have Autism and they have been supportive and made sure to explain things that I don't understand but there is one girl that makes jokes and if I 'take it the wrong way' she gets angry with me for getting upset. I usually have to say sorry for my reaction and have been told by the tutor that I am 'overly sensitive' which I do understand but I am often blamed for this girls bad reaction to me. The other problem I am facing is that the college doesn't seem to have anyone for me to go to if I get upset or overwhelmed - they said I had a youth worker but she is never around when I need her.

I have recently joined a new autism social group and they said they can help me find help within the college and perhaps get more support. I'm also going to meet my social worker in a few days so I can discuss help there but I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to deal with classmates like the girl I have mentioned

 

[Mia]

Perhaps it's time to say things such as: I find your jokes insulting, your humor is deprecating, I don't care if you find it funny, I don't, stop insulting me!

Usually when someone is called 'overly sensitive' it's a push-back to fit in with everyone else and sideline the insults. Personally I've never been fast enough at verbal comebacks. But this is not good for you, to allow this person to joke and to pretend it's not damaging and to ignore it; we internalize these things and carry them with us for a very long time. For you to recognize it and others not see it for what it is, is deprecation and even a form of bullying.

Many sorts of jokes are simply a way to insult people in a passive aggressive manner. A cowardly 'slinking behind a laugh' without paying the consequences of insulting behaviour. Which, where I come from, would involve a physical response or a few well-placed swear words. Instead I would complain, and stand up for myself, and go to whoever I could, dean, principal, department head, teacher, she needs to be reprimanded. In the real world, males and females certainly pay the price for this sort of childishness, which is supposed to end at about eighth grade. By the way, don't apologize to someone who joke-insults you.

 

[Questella]

**** that *****! >: That's so petty! What does she think she's in 3rd grade? Completely respectful, and to have the teacher basically telling you to get over yourself? I'm sad for you, hold out and try to remember the class is not long and then you'll never have to see her again. :<

 

[Bolletje]

This advice is probably going to sound useless as it's easy to say but hard to follow: don't let it get to you. When your classmate jokes about you, just smile and go about your business. Don't engage her, don't waste your energy on her. If she stops getting a response to her jokes, the fun will quickly wear off.
Remind yourself that you're in this class for yourself, you don't need to be friends with her, and you're better off spending your energy on people that make an effort to be nice to you. Be civil and let that be enough. You've got better things to do.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Don't stand for it. Don't apologise for it, it's not your fault. Tell her if she gets annoyed with your reaction that she can just not talk to you any more. Everyone is happy then. You don't need to be friends with everyone.

 

[toothless]

i wouldnt apologise either,i know its hard but you need to stand your ground and just take a few deep breaths and ignore her in class,but you need to speak to someone in charge of the disability side of things in the college-and report her for abusing your disability by proxy [ie,she knows you are autistic,she is mocking your inability to understand jokes,there for she is mocking your autism].
the girl needs talking to by one of the college staff team as she is likely breaking one of the rules that students have to abide by to.

you are not oversensitive,you are just different to them.
my sister is EXACTLY the same as the girl who is mocking you,dare say it bullying you-she makes jokes and mocks me for not understanding,and also mocks me for my sensory needs,mocks my communication/speech difficulties and mocks me for having to wear adult nappies due to my toileting issues [i am LFA], my sister is an aspie and should know better but you get ignorant twats in all forms of neurology [ie NT,ND]

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Smile but at the same time imagine she is being eaten you wild dogs.

Feel free to imagine something good slightly, essentials bloody but you have to say smile while thinking get it.

Probably she is a weak,insecure person who will need help at so e point.

It's not your job to help her. She has her own path.

Smile as I am sure she will have difficult times ahead. Once those dogs get the scent they don't give up

 

[Peatsmoke]

I suppose it's possible that this girl actually likes you, and this is her dysfunctional way of showing it... Or she could just be a bit of a w****r. Anyway - if making cruel jokes is how she communicates, then she's the one with the major problem. Especially since she now knows you don't like it, but still continues to do it! Is she trying to impress other people in the class? Is it some kind of personality disorder?! I mean, I realise that many NTs sometimes communicate by sarcastic mocking (presumably because saying what they actually mean might expose their real personality, instead of the mask they constantly wear - which would give other people in the group power over them, according to the fairly horrific rules of social hierarchy that govern NT society). But that really is no excuse at all.

Like people have said above, I would definitely refuse to apologise to her for being angry. Tell her to stop winding you up (since this is effectively what she's doing), and ignore her if she continues. If you have to, talk to someone higher up than your tutor about it, or the college's student support people. What she's doing is not acceptable.

 

[Zachary Anderson]

Thank you all for your advice and comments. I should note that the class is made up of six people and we are all adults (the course is for adults only) and we all get along but when she girl makes jokes that can sometimes be aimed at me then there is a tension. I can choose not to have a reaction but I think we know that sometimes that doesn't happen and we can interrupt things differently - not wrong, just differently.
Thank you as well to everyone for being very honest and also for telling me about problems that you face in your lives, it has made me feel very supported and welcome, thank you .

I am going to try to find out if the college has more support and see if I can work on lowering my emotional response as I often get upset and can become overwhelmed. I want to be able to express what I am feeling through words as I can become none verbal during heighten emotionally situations. I might try and get flash cards as this might help the girl understand what I experience. I think my problem is that I have always been told or made to feel that someones negative reaction towards me is my fault and therefore I should be sorry for that. This is not true at all - I need to work on this mind set and I think then I will get through college better >