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Don’t make the extra effort to dress up for girls.

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Wolfnox

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I wear normal attire. And frankly could care less. I know I should but, having been called ugly even when I did dress up and tidy up appearance. I’ve lost all will to try.
But, still expect it in a casual way from girls. Nice shirt and pants nothing extravagant.
I feel judged no matter how I dress. Should I take a different approach?
 
What are your objectives?
This isn't a simple question - I'd expect multiple answers.

Keep in mind that your appearance affects how everyone perceives you, and "first impressions matter".
 
Being yourself is certainly an honest approach. When my wife and I met and we started repeatedly seeing each other, we each (independently - we hadn't discussed it) took a "put your  worst foot forward approach". We each shared what we believed to be our worst flaws right up front, with the idea that we didn't want to invest a lot of emotional energy in a relationship that wasn't going to last. When neither of us ran away screeming, we figured pursuing the relationship was worthwhile.
Accordingly, neither of us tried to "impress" each other in our appearances. As you said, I wore regular clean non-torn pants and shirt. She wore her work (nursing) uniform because we were generally seeing each other after work.
We were married for 24 years before she passed away.
 
Wolfnox said:
But, still expect it in a casual way from girls. Nice shirt and pants nothing extravagant.
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I don’t understand what you’re saying here. Are you saying you expect girls to “dress up” at least in a casual way for men?
 
This topic sort of falls under the "unwritten rules" category on another recent thread. This is a cultural thing. If I was single at my age, and were to meet women my age, it would be considered "disrespectful" to not look well-groomed and "put together". Wrinkly, ill-fitting, clothing would be a complete "turn off" to a woman my age, as it would imply that you didn't think they were important enough to show up well-groomed. This is not to say that a nice suit is appropriate for all occasions, but even if it were casual, a nice fitting button-down or Polo-style shirt and jeans, with a pair of loafers might be acceptable. That said, even when I go out with my wife, I would never wear jeans. Jeans are for working out in the yard, in my world.

Basically, don't be a "slob". It's not about "impressing" anyone, but rather, it's a respect thing.
 
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That really depends on the culture, and goes both ways between the genders - Take the clothes you want to present your self in, what makes you comfortable to wear (I don't mean to take clothes that you physical feel comfortable in, thou it can be a factor if you are sensitive to specific clothing, but what presents you in the way you want to be presented) - I think it is a bad idea to try to take something you think the other person will like - it should be something you like, you have personality let it shine through, be honest.
 
Advancing the cause of good grooming, a sense of fa$hion, or just trying to sell music?


Let's just say that at times, I'm somewhat suspicious of what motivates this society's values. ;)
 
It also has something to do with self respect I think. For example, wearing sweatpants and a dirty t-shirt with holes in it out in public sends a signal, a signal that says "I don't respect myself and I don't take care of myself". Your appearance sends signals to people and you want those signals to be positive, that's always good.
 
I must say, I have yet to see anyone wearing pajamas at Walmart....but ya never know.

Then again, I suppose I have seen worse. :oops:
 
Forest Cat said:
It also has something to do with self respect I think. For example, wearing sweatpants and a dirty t-shirt with holes in it out in public sends a signal, a signal that says "I don't respect myself and I don't take care of myself". Your appearance sends signals to people and you want those signals to be positive, that's always good.
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It could also be a sign that "I'm confident in who I am, I don't care about what others think" or "there are bigger problems in this world than my clothes being clean". I'm not saying it can't be the respect thing, but what people see and what is reality might be different.
 
kriss72 said:
It could also be a sign that "I'm confident in who I am, I don't care about what others think" or "there are bigger problems in this world than my clothes being clean". I'm not saying it can't be the respect thing, but what people see and what is reality might be different.
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A dirty t-shirt with holes in it... no one should be that confident in public. ;) It doesn't send a good signal.
 
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Depends on the lady it could bring up a mother instinct to take care of him - but I get what you are saying :) my point was look at the person, not the clothes, there can be reasons why they look like they do
 
kriss72 said:
my point was look at the person, not the clothes, there can be reasons why they look like they do
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Yes, I was just thinking that the first impression is based on what people see. And first impressions can be important.
 
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When I met my future spouse before going on the road trip we planned (long distance) I was out fossil collecting in the old Braidwood strip mines. The skies opened up and it was a festival of mud. I showed up on her doorstep, wet, filthy, and she did not call the police. A good start. She saw me at my worst and did not bat an eye, instead hustling me off to the shower. When first seeing her, all I could think was "so svelte, so clean."
 
I don’t dress up either and I don’t want my future partner to dress up either

Just be clean, that’s it

No one is going to wear dresses all day. Most of the time it’s casual
 
When l arrived in LA, l saw a lady wearing pajama bottoms at grocery store. It was a fad that took off.
I dress to please myself. Which sometimes is oversized sweaters and tops. Other times, tailored. Wear what you want. I did want to redress this guy l was seeing, but it isn't his style, so it's not right of me to think that. He likes casual, and simple.
So what does dressing up me to you @Wolfnox ? A attractive polo shirt, and some fitting pants is dressy. Dressing up these days? The standards have really relaxed.
 
Truly, when one hears that phrase, "you clean up well" ...it makes a person think they are otherwise seen as dirty, rugged, weathered, haggard, etc. And to be further honest, if my usual clothes aren't considered decent, why do the stores sell them to everyone to look lesser than and therefore be judged? I'm not mad. I'm just making the humorous to me observation that most people don't mention.

Like...there needs to be more literal signs on the clothes selections: Chino Attaboys - Polo Suave Chick Magnet Button Ups - Wrangler I Pretty Much Just Gave Up Todays - Adidas Comfort Before Impressing Someones
 
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