Doing a normal thing

[grommet]

I have been putting off taking a trip to the bank but I have to go. I am worried because they are going to ask me questions and give me papers to sign and I am not going to understand but I have to go. I wish someone could go with me but I have to do it myself.

Wouldn't it be nice if when we had to do something and were nervous we could call another aspie and they could go with us. They wouldn't have to do anything or maybe if they were good at that kind of thing we could trade that helping each other. We could have a pool of aspies who are good at different things and we could call each other for help. It's silly and couldn't really happen but aspies central is kind of like it. We help each other here.

Anyhow, tomorrow or soon I need to make this trip I have been putting off. I hope it isn't as bad as my last visit out, when I went to the doctor's office by myself. I am not built for rapid fire questions and paperwork and signs to follow. I am so good at so many things but ordinary life things are so hard for me.

I have to learn to stop depending on other people and do for myself. I think this is the only way to grow up.

I remember the last time I was in an ambulance going to the hospital with an injury. That whole trip, that whole day didn't seem as scary as being well and having to find my own way through the doctors clinic last week. I feel like that about the bank. People speak to me and ask questions and are calm because for them it is normal. For me it is like a tiny terror.

It's hard to be so competent at so much that normal people think is hard and not be able to do what is so easy and normal for them. One day I will figure this out, how to feel okay about being who I am. Until then, it's going to be hard.

 

[watersprite]

Seems very wise grommet.
In a couple of days I have to go to get taxes done. I do not understand it and yet it has to happen or I'll suffer the consequences. The description you wrote, of it being a tiny terror, is quite accurate and even poetic.
May your banking go well and a peace and safe feeling soon return.

 

[Rayner]

I have been putting off taking a trip to the bank but I have to go. I am worried because they are going to ask me questions and give me papers to sign and I am not going to understand but I have to go. I wish someone could go with me but I have to do it myself.

Wouldn't it be nice if when we had to do something and were nervous we could call another aspie and they could go with us. They wouldn't have to do anything or maybe if they were good at that kind of thing we could trade that helping each other. We could have a pool of aspies who are good at different things and we could call each other for help. It's silly and couldn't really happen but aspies central is kind of like it. We help each other here.

Anyhow, tomorrow or soon I need to make this trip I have been putting off. I hope it isn't as bad as my last visit out, when I went to the doctor's office by myself. I am not built for rapid fire questions and paperwork and signs to follow. I am so good at so many things but ordinary life things are so hard for me.

I have to learn to stop depending on other people and do for myself. I think this is the only way to grow up.

I remember the last time I was in an ambulance going to the hospital with an injury. That whole trip, that whole day didn't seem as scary as being well and having to find my own way through the doctors clinic last week. I feel like that about the bank. People speak to me and ask questions and are calm because for them it is normal. For me it is like a tiny terror.

It's hard to be so competent at so much that normal people think is hard and not be able to do what is so easy and normal for them. One day I will figure this out, how to feel okay about being who I am. Until then, it's going to be hard.

Why do you think the time you were less scared in riding the ambulance than you going to the clinic last week?

 

[Datura]

Try to gether as much information as you can beforehand and practice probably responses. Don't be afraid to ask people to slow down or repeat themselves. They are, after all, in customer service, so it is part of their job to make you comfortable.

 

[wanderer03]

I've found most financial people barely understand what it is they're dealing with anyway so they have difficulty breaking it down into laymen's terms.

I can really identify with grommet because when I ask the bank people questions, their answers cause me even more confusion. I have yet to find, even in a for dummies series, something simple enough for me.

When I become confused and way out of my league, I can become frustrated, angry, and irritated. Banking types tend to do that to me.

 

[wanderer03]

It is refreshing for me to read that others have the same challenges where "doing normal things" is concerned. Over the years I have had to learn how to deal with the questions, forms, etc., especially with those who are shoving them at me knowing that I don't fully understand. The one thing I have learned is that I do NOT have to sign anything unless I fully understand. If I don't, I ask to take the forms and have someone explain them. Intake forms like those in a doctor's office usually don't require an explanation, as most of the questions are health related, so I'll fill them out as best as I can.

There is nothing wrong with asking for help in such matters, especially when dealing with banks. Some of the smartest business people I know usually take an accountant or lawyer with them when dealing with such things. Some of that stuff can be quite confusing, so it's always a good idea to get assistance discerning such matters.

That's an excellent way of looking at it. If even some of the best and brightest are asking for assistance, then there is certainly no shame in us doing so.

 

[Darwin162]

My parents kicked me out when I was 17 as I wasn't diagnosed and they thought I was just a bad kid. I had to sink or swim and it was scary as he'll but I was determined to make it without them so I pushed myself. I am now married with two children and a full time job with a huge security firm and I was promoted to building manager last year. If you want it we can all succeed.

 

[wanderer03]

My parents kicked me out when I was 17 as I wasn't diagnosed and they thought I was just a bad kid. I had to sink or swim and it was scary as he'll but I was determined to make it without them so I pushed myself. I am now married with two children and a full time job with a huge security firm and I was promoted to building manager last year. If you want it we can all succeed.

Your experience is atypical for someone on the spectrum. The thought of being left to fend for myself is frightening. Yes, necessity can be the mother of invention, innovation, and learning. But for many, being tossed into the deep end like that can lead to a no good end.

 

[grommet]

Why do you think the time you were less scared in riding the ambulance than you going to the clinic last week?

There are many replies and I am thinking about them, I do not know when I can reply to them but Rayner asked me a single question and I can answer that.

Rayner, in the ambulance and hospital I had no responsibilities so it was easier. People were making decisions for me. I was too injured to be involved. I was in a great deal of pain but I did not have to think about how to manage or answer questions.

 

[Judge]

Yes, I get them all accomplished.

But it doesn't change the silent reality that they intimidate me every time. I get things done because I have to, and that I have utterly no one to help me in such things. I have all the incentive and drive of anyone with a gun held to their head and little else.

Yes, I get such things done. But it's neither easy or normal for me. If that were the case, I wouldn't dread them as I do.

 

[Rayner]

There are many replies and I am thinking about them, I do not know when I can reply to them but Rayner asked me a single question and I can answer that.

Rayner, in the ambulance and hospital I had no responsibilities so it was easier. People were making decisions for me. I was too injured to be involved. I was in a great deal of pain but I did not have to think about how to manage or answer questions.

That makes sense. It's like you don't like going at it alone I'm the same way.

 

[hiraeth]

Paperwork and bureaucracy of any kind makes me extremely anxious. It's to the point where I think if I didn't have this anxiety I would be in a noticeably different place in my life at this time. But, one way or another, I push through it, and hope for the day when it won't be that bad anymore.

I'm used to handling things alone - always have. Even if someone volunteered to be there at my most challenging moments I would hesitate to let them in, let them see me lose the ability to function. It's better that the memory of such moments don't live on in another person's consciousness - a person who I still have to face afterwards.

 

[Kari Suttle]

I find that when I'm going into a situation I'm fairly new to, no matter how normal it might be to others, I do better the more information I have available - pre-plan and script it in my head, really. I don't have to bring a list of questions to ask but even writing them down and organizing my thoughts helps. Might this help you? Is there anyone you can ask about how their experience doing whatever it is you have to do at the bank went? You could pretend to be a bit more unaware about how things go than you actually are, if you're young or look young this could work for you. I look a lot younger than I actually am so I try to ask questions like this on purpose in hopes I'll just look inexperienced rather than stupid.