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Do any of you struggle with self blame? I feel like blaming myself for things that aren't my fault.

A

Amethystgirl

Well-Known Member
Do any of you struggle with self blame? I feel like blaming myself for things that aren't my fault. For example, my friend told me on the phone the other day her other friend (can't remember what exactly she said) is struggling at job and I said I'm sorry. And then my friend says it's not your fault which I feel doesn't make any sense for her to say. Because of my self esteem, a new trigger is I don't like it when someone says something isn't my fault even though I know it isn't. Weird thoughts in my mind I can't escape.
 
I blame myself for most of my failed relationships with women. Often wishing at the time that I had some understanding of who- and what I am in real time, instead of decades long after the fact.

Yet with no guarantees that would have made any difference.

Often breaking my own heart...:rolleyes:
 
I sometimes say sorry for things that aren't my fault. Apparently this is a very British thing to do, especially in social situations.
 
It's possible to feel sad/sorry about things,
even when you're not responsible for how
they've turned out.

Saying "sorry" doesn't necessarily mean you
feel at fault.
 
velociraptor said:
You're a good guy from everything I have seen. Their loss if they can't appreciate when they've been handed a blessing.
Click to expand...

Thanks, but I'm at a loss how to address that. I did some things wrong, but it all may come down to individual chemistry- and timing. Figuring out the Loch Ness monster would be easier...;)
 
I struggle with the concept of "blame". It's an incredibly useless and usually counterproductive concept that should have no place in our world. If a problem occurs you should be focusing on how to fix that problem and how to prevent it from happening again. Working out who's fault it is serves no purpose other than to start arguments and create divisions within our societies.

Finding someone to blame does not solve any problems. Never has, never will.
 
Outdated said:
I struggle with the concept of "blame". It's an incredibly useless and usually counterproductive concept that should have no place in our world. If a problem occurs you should be focusing on how to fix that problem and how to prevent it from happening again. Working out who's fault it is serves no purpose other than to start arguments and create divisions within our societies.

Finding someone to blame does not solve any problems. Never has, never will.
Click to expand...

Always loved that line from Dustin Hoffman in the movie "Papillon". As a convicted French forger who laments, "Blame is for God and small children".
 
intresting topic , i think its less about 'self blaming' and more about 'coping mechanism" or 'autisc trait'. apologies/over apologies because of the lack social cues and the directness in empthay feeling.
Think of it , u didnt say sorry because u did something wrong or mistake , u said sorry because u felt sorry for someone trouble ...
 
“If something has gone wrong in inter-personal relationships, it’s my fault.” RSD. I have a sheet of affirmations my wife gave me pinned to the inside of my wardrobe door, trying to get past this. Maybe I am getting past it, a little.
 
That's not self blame. Saying you're sorry because someone is having a bad time is showing concern for the other person's well-being. That's how language works - it means different things under a different context.
 
Amethystgirl said:
I said I'm sorry. And then my friend says it's not your fault which I feel doesn't make any sense for her to say.
Click to expand...
Oh, I find that double- meaning so awkward too, on both ends.

The "I'm sorry" as in "I feel empathy for you" vs "I apologize."

It's confusing.
 
I do have considerable trouble with self-blame. Though most of it is self-created reasons to blame myself. Though if something happens that is out of my control, and isn't my fault especially. I tend to react like I DID do something to cause it to happen. Like my own mere presence, when it happened, is reason enough to blame myself for it.
 
Judge said:
I blame myself for most of my failed relationships with women. Often wishing at the time that I had some understanding of who- and what I am in real time, instead of decades long after the fact.

Yet with no guarantees that would have made any difference.

Often breaking my own heart...:rolleyes:
Click to expand...
I find intrusive thoughts are often the culprit of our bad choices.
 
cooljethro said:
I sometimes say sorry for things that aren't my fault. Apparently this is a very British thing to do, especially in social situations.
Click to expand...
I used to do that.
These days, I just get angry with intrusive thought nonsense.
 
AuAL said:
“If something has gone wrong in inter-personal relationships, it’s my fault.” RSD. I have a sheet of affirmations my wife gave me pinned to the inside of my wardrobe door, trying to get past this. Maybe I am getting past it, a little.
Click to expand...
We are not as responsible as many of us think we are.
 
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