Difficuilties answering questions (e.g. at the doctor's)

[the frog in the fog]

I have the problem each time I have a medical appointment that it is painfully hard for me to answer the questions I'm being asked. Explaining why I'm here today, what are my symptoms etc.

Now, of course I can prepare myself, to atleast be able to say why I'm there. I do prepare, however, there are always questions that come up that I really need time to think about.

It was the same in school, every time the teacher asked a complex thought-demanding question (that didn't have a clear answer), I just couldn't understand how other students would raise their hands almost immediately. I need a lot of time to think ...

But I've struggled even with simple questions like "What does a typical day look like for you?" or "When are your availabilities?"

The only time I can answer a question somewhat immediately in that kind of context (school, medical) is when I've had the time to prepare and think about my answer. But because it is prepared, it doesn't feel really genuine and I start to overthink it.

So seeing doctors is really stressful for me and I start crying almost every time.

Can someone relate to this?

I believe this might have to do with autism but of course there could be other reasons.

PS. I guess how I'm gonna try to make these situations less stressful in the future is to try and stay calm and tell myself "it's OK to take your time".

 

[tree]

I was much puzzled by a question a person asked me
when I was seeking benefits. "What do you do all day?"

I took that to mean I needed to answer with the activity that
I, without fail, pursued, every minute of the day.

All I could think of was "breathe."

It turned out what the woman meant was what kinds of
things did I generally do. Make my own food, do laundry,
read a book, take a walk, did I socialize, volunteer...etc.

 

[Levitator]

I met a very stimmy fellow. He was asked "How are you doing?" and he answered "Sitting in a chair, currently", and I laughed and wondered whether he did it on purpose. He seemed entirely bright and capable of carrying on in-depth conversations. Extremely rambly and information-dumpy. His main problem is that he learned to read really late, and he said that he was alternately referred to as either retarded or autistic, but I was pretty sure which one it is. Definitely a nice guy and pleasant to talk to.

 

[Rodafina]

Can someone relate to this?

I can definitely relate to this. I tend to be pretty quick with being able to respond, but the problem is that I spew drivel and I usually blackout a bit. It's part of an impulse I have to mask and say something right away before my brain has decided what to say. If I want to give an accurate and true answer, I need time or preparation as you described. I'm learning how to take this time by just saying to someone, "I'm thinking." and then take the quiet time I need.

PS. I guess how I'm gonna try to make these situations less stressful in the future is to try and stay calm and tell myself "it's OK to take your time".

I think this is a good idea. Stress definitely makes what you are talking about more difficult. Other things that have helped me in a doctor's office (or someplace with similar expectations for communication) are to pace in the office and bring a fidget with me. Lists of prepared answers helps and also, I'll write short notes or code words on my hand to trigger my memory.

"What does a typical day look like for you?"

I think my answer to this would be, "I don't understand." Another phrase that I am getting comfortable with that usually prompts the other person to clarify, thus giving me more info but also more time to figure out what I want to say.

 

[Bergs]

Can very much relate to this, it took me 2 years to convince my doctor that I had Atrial fibrillation, possibly due to the way I would answer their questions, as in I would find it hard to describe how I was feeling when the episodes were happening.

 

[marc_101]

Oh, I completely relate. I have the same problem. For me, in part, is those evil fluorescent lights. I get confused.

I always write down the things I want to say. Last time I went to the doctor I had close to 5000 words of notes to make sure I wasn't leaving anything out.

 

[Thinx]

Yes, I think of this as a processing delay. I need time to process, it could be hard to do that in the moment, and does lead to confusion at times, a bit like @tree s example, where I may not realise I misunderstood the question they were trying to find out about, then it would depend if they follow up as to whether I would even know that had happened.

With the doctors and nurses etc, I have tried to prepare them for how to converse with me, and sometimes it's been helpful, also my partner has been quite good at advising them, based on their own experience I guess.

I am sorry this has been upsetting and made you cry, it is definitely a real issue that is due to our different brains, it's not you, nor is it a one way street, just like a deaf person can't easily communicate if others can't sign or don't speak so they can lipread etc. The others need to know what may be happening for us too. But they often don't, unless we can explain it a bit, which is unfair yet fairly important to do if possible.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I definitely have this problem. My inability to explain my symptoms caused me years of extra trouble in diagnosing my chronic pain and also eye problems.

 

[tree]

One thing I have learned is to not describe
pain as colors. The subluxation of my jaw that
I experienced as a pale blue, like a faded
work shirt?

That wasn't the way the dental guy
was prepared to understand & chart
the severity of the pain.

 

[marc_101]

Doctors use the 1 to 10 scale for pain. I wonder if you could come up with a translation scale in colors.

 

[tree]

Doctors use the 1 to 10 scale for pain. I wonder if you could come up with a translation scale in colors.

No, because it's a result of synesthesia, so
the way I experience shades of pain or
illness aren't likely to correspond to
other people's.

There could be occasional overlap, but
for the most part, I think it's largely
useless to tell anybody what color
something hurts.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I always forget to mention things at Dr visits. I have taken written notes, but even then I realize afterwards I left something out of the notes

 

[Rodafina]

Another thought I had was to utilize emails. I don't know that all doctor's offices have this option, but my primary care doctor has a system for communicating through email. I use this strategy more often with my therapist, but it works for my doctor as well. I will utilize the email function to send an email before my appointment outlining what I'd like to talk about. I know some doctors will be too busy for satisfactory email communication, but with this strategy they at least have it in writing during the visit and they can read it then.

 

[The Pandector]

One thing I have learned is to not describe
pain as colors. The subluxation of my jaw that
I experienced as a pale blue, like a faded
work shirt?

That wasn't the way the dental guy
was prepared to understand & chart
the severity of the pain.

In explaining to a neurologist how I deal with chronic pain, I said that it helps me to imagine there’s a reason for the pain. Often, that’s to imagine there is great pressure pushing out from inside my legs, which feels better than raw pointless pain. I later read her notes; she said I thought my legs were exploding. Next time I’ll go with pale blue.

 

[AuAL]

Doctors use the 1 to 10 scale for pain. I wonder if you could come up with a translation scale in colors.

I hate that 1 to 10 scale - it is way too subjective. When I was taken by ambulance to the ED with suspected pancreatitis, I described the pain as a “4”. They decided in any case to give me morphine, and that was quite soothing. There was a report of an Aussie farmer who had a prang on his quad-bike. He had almost entirely detached one foot - he arrived at hospital with it facing backwards. He described the pain as a “3”.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I have the problem each time I have a medical appointment that it is painfully hard for me to answer the questions I'm being asked. Explaining why I'm here today, what are my symptoms etc.

Now, of course I can prepare myself, to atleast be able to say why I'm there. I do prepare, however, there are always questions that come up that I really need time to think about.

It was the same in school, every time the teacher asked a complex thought-demanding question (that didn't have a clear answer), I just couldn't understand how other students would raise their hands almost immediately. I need a lot of time to think ...

But I've struggled even with simple questions like "What does a typical day look like for you?" or "When are your availabilities?"

The only time I can answer a question somewhat immediately in that kind of context (school, medical) is when I've had the time to prepare and think about my answer. But because it is prepared, it doesn't feel really genuine and I start to overthink it.

So seeing doctors is really stressful for me and I start crying almost every time.

Can someone relate to this?

I believe this might have to do with autism but of course there could be other reasons.

PS. I guess how I'm gonna try to make these situations less stressful in the future is to try and stay calm and tell myself "it's OK to take your time".

Being in the medical field as long as I have (nearly 40 years) and of course, sometimes being a patient, myself, anxiety can be quite high. People when they come for help and answers are often anxious. Some people call it "white coat syndrome", the provider wearing the white coat, and you anxiously waiting for the "bad news", whatever it be.

Two things I would suggest to anyone with an underlying anxiety condition, whether it be autism or something else: (1) Before the appointment, write down your questions, your concerns, your experiences. Why are you there for the appointment? If you have time, make a Word document and copy for the doctor. You may bring up some concerns and questions that they might not have that may influence their assessment. (2) Contact your provider several days or even weeks ahead of your appointment, explain that you have a difficult time answering questions, and if they could send you a list of questions the doctor may want to have answered. A questionnaire. That way, you can relax and answer more accurately.

 

[marc_101]

(2) Contact your provider several days or even weeks ahead of your appointment, explain that you have a difficult time answering questions, and if they could send you a list of questions the doctor may want to have answered. A questionnaire. That way, you can relax and answer more accurately.

I especially agree with this part. You don't need to explain much more than "I have a neurological problem that makes me slow understanding verbal questions, would you mind sending me questions in advance?" You could even email the provider. Mostly likely a nurse or assistant will reply.

At least in the US, doctors are too busy, burnout, and their manners are not the best. I've felt very upset many times at doctors that don't appear to listen, and many times I blame myself for not explaining well my concerns.

 

[Fino]

I once made an emergency room employee very frustrated because she kept asking me why I was there, and I kept answering, and she kept repeating, "but what brings you in," and I still don't understand why my answer wasn't sufficient.

 

[the frog in the fog]

I tend to be pretty quick with being able to respond, but the problem is that I spew drivel and I usually blackout a bit

I often end up saying kind of what I mean but not exactly; I guess I say what I somehow feel is being expected or would be an accurate thing to say in that situation. I think I manage to kind of make my point, though.

This isn't a response to the quote, but I also want to add: Another thing that happens is that people ask "is it hard for you to find the words?" And my answer (atleast in my head) is, "no, it's not so much that I can't find the words to describe what I'm feeling as much as I actually don't know, or don't understand the question".