Constantly feeling like you're not good enough?

[nope]

I'm known at work as a hard worker, which actually stems from my insecurity that I'm not smart enough or I don't work as fast as anyone else (I usually know maybe 2-3 people who I know for sure work slower than I do, but I've convinced myself they're the slackers--not the people I should compare myself to). I think I work so hard because I'm terrified if I didn't that would be grounds for me getting fired. Sometimes I work off the clock to finish a project just in case I do work slower than everyone else.

The origin of this insecurity isn't that imaginary; at the beginning of my first "real" job I was unlucky enough to be paired up with (a) someone who had been at the company for a few years and knew everything, and looked like she wanted to roll her eyes every time I asked her a question, and (b) someone with an advanced degree who was whip-smart, remembered every detail, and could read every email the second she received it and go back to what she was doing without feeling distracted. I think a combination of these two set the standards of what a good employee is, and I always feel inadequate when I compare myself to this superhuman.

(ETA: I just remembered I also had a jerk for a boss once who told me I wasn't "that smart" and that I obviously was doing something else when he was looking based on my "window-switching," although at this point I never went to literally a single website unrelated to work. He was so wrong and ignorant about so many things I don't know why his observations stay with me.)

I know I do give off some kind of "low self-esteem" vibe, and my considerate boss is the type that would rather build your self-esteem than "tell it like it is." Anybody have similar issues? If so, how do you deal it? How do you know what's good enough?

 

[janetanfei]

I don't think it's too strange to feel that way. A lot of people report that they have "imposter syndrome" in their careers, because most people have no clue how they're doing.

I used to feel the same and try to go above and beyond what was expected of me. One day, though, I realized that people didn't appreciate it at all and would still criticize me regardless of what I had accomplished. I also realized that those same people were doing the bare minimum, playing games on work computers, taking 5 smoke breaks per hour, etc. I was pretty much the only person in my department who actually tried to stay on task.

At that point, I decided not to worry about other people's opinions and just do what I was able to do, then go home to relax. Life became a lot less stressful after that.

Comparing yourself to other people will only lead to more anxiety or insecurity; just compare yourself to yourself if you feel like you're somehow competing. See if you can increase your speed from day to day, complete mundane tasks before they're scheduled, etc.

"Good enough" is just that - meeting your job requirements and deadlines. Do what you can do in a day and just know that you did your best.

 

[Mr Allen]

I was always called waste of space at school, told I'd never amount to anything, and 25 years later I still don't have a job, despite trying desperately to get one.

 

[Optimus]

Hi,

No problem identifying with what you are saying. As Janetanfei says lots of people, including myself, have "imposter syndrome" at work, in relationships, in life. I suffer from low self esteem / self worth. Part of it is not knowing what my value is, what my place in society is, what I should be and what I should do. I spent a lot of time putting expectations on myself because I believe they are the expectations of society. This makes me people please too much as I have little confidence in myself, my views, my conclusions or my actions.

However, I have started to challenge this and now try to rationalise situations and not to jump to Pavlovian conclusions and responses.

I started a new job about 4 months ago and have tried to do the best job I can but at the same time I have tried to remain sensible and to apply logic and rationality to the process, despite the "Stupido! Stupido! Me no know nothing!" voice screaming in my head (lol). For example I broke that down into: "I am new here, It will take some time for me to learn the way that the team works and to learn the subject matter. It is only reasonable for them to give me space and support to do this. After all they interviewed me and hired me and it is in their interests to make their investment a success." (or words to that effect).

I had my first work review last week and they are very pleased with my work, how I am working with the team and how I am taking on / picking up the requirements of the job. This was very nice and relieving to hear but it also (surprise, surprise) surprised me as I thought, in myself, that I was clearly not up to the task and I would be told that at best I was doing "ok".

 

[Mary Terry]

I was always called waste of space at school, told I'd never amount to anything, and 25 years later I still don't have a job, despite trying desperately to get one.

Rich - If I lived anywhere near you, I would hire you in a heartbeat. I've read your posts for a long time and see that you're a solid, mature person who truly wants to work but stuff keeps getting your way. Hang in there and don't give up hope. Good things come to those who wait.

 

[Peatsmoke]

I can relate to that. I used to have similar self-esteem issues at work - I felt like I would never be able to do the job as well as... well, a "normal" person (I knew I wasn't "normal" because (a) a lot of people told me so, and (b) I felt like an alien a lot of the time). I would get really defensive when criticised by my boss or coworkers/colleagues; even when the criticism was valid, I'd often lose my temper. Which didn't help my self-esteem issues when playing the scene over and over in my head later... ouch.

But then I started to realise that the kind of job was really important. Fast-food jobs, or fast-paced retail jobs, with lots of noise and bustle and a hundred things to think about at the same time, were asking for trouble. Ditto jobs with competitive, socially confident employees, where teamwork was all-important. So I started working in libraries, doing research, cataloguing, answering questions, shelving, teaching public classes - it really didn't matter, it was all a vast improvement on my previous jobs. People generally were really uncompetitive, and they actually boosted my self-esteem.

Now, I'm self-employed, which is brilliant. No more feelings of inadequacy, no more imagined or real competitions with coworkers.

I've also realised that "working to live" is a lot healthier than "living to work". At the end of the day, what you do (or don't do) at work doesn't really matter (unless you have a "life-or-death" job, e.g. social worker, doctor, airline pilot, refugee legal support...). Life should be lived in your hours of freedom, not in your hours of servitude.

 

[nowwhat]

I have been very, very good at a couple of things in life, and horribly failed at just about everything else. Sadly, I no longer do those things I was able to excel at, so the outlook is grim at the moment.