aspiegirlfriend
Member
My boyfriend of 9 months is leaving me so confused. I am struggling to figure out what's going on or if I should just forget it and move on. He tells me how much he cares about me in all ways. He calls me the cutest names and we have the most wonderful text conversations. He has come to see me on several occasions and we have always had a wonderful time. He doesn't like to talk on the phone which I find strange but have just put it down to him needing space or needing to communicate that way because it's easier for him. He has a brilliant mind and holds down a very demanding and senior position with several staff under him. He works very very hard and says his having this position is really a miracle. I have told him I am very proud of him that way. Our sex life has been amazing in the times we have gotten together.
He opened up to me yesterday about having a social disorder. Apparently he tells me that his whole family and one family of cousins has this disorder. I figured out quite a while ago that he has aspergers however we hadn't discussed it till the other night. He said he has zero ability to tell if a woman likes him although he knows for sure when he likes a woman. He expresses pain about so many things particularly that he never married and never had children. The pain around this is profound. When he opened up to me, I thanked him for telling me and expressed that it must have been so difficult his whole life to have to go through this. I thanked him for sharing. He told me that I don't understand him and to just drop the topic...he shouldn't have told me...it really doesn't involve me.
So after having these wonderful and candid conversations, he sends me a message this morning and tells me that our conversations were "strange". He wished me to have a wonderful day. I texted him back and said I enjoyed our conversation and found it to be so nice. I haven't heard from him since.
I have cut communication with him totally a few times because I can't take it anymore and feel it is going nowhere. He will then text me on Saturday evening and I know he is just checking to see if I am out with someone else. It's kind of endearing because I know he cares and gets jealous but he hasn't made effort to come and see me recently. If I ask him he doesn't answer. He just tells me we will see each other again "soon". I am sure he is not dating anyone else.
I adore this guy more than any one I have ever met before. I asked him exactly what he is looking for. He says he wants a girlfriend. I have said I am looking for a relationship. I think that may confuse him. He doesn't want to be part of my "family" and that's fine with me. We are older and I don't see him coming to family functions, etc. I do however want him to meet my kids so they know who he is and what a great guy he is.
Sometimes I think it is so much work with him that it isn't even worth it. He says he wants to see me but he doesn't make the effort. He says he sees us being together in our older age. His words and actions don't align. He says he sometimes finds me intimidating.
I feel like I am going crazy.. What is going on here and is this part of his social disorder? Is it too hard or too much work for him to see me? Does he struggle with social cues from me and this is causing him anxiety? He says that is just silly to think like that. The pattern I find is if I ask him if he would like to get together, he often doesn't answer and then disappears for a couple of days. When he resurfaces he will tell me he is spending time with his family or he is swamped with work. I believe him but it leaves me with nothing. Any suggestions or insight? Thanks so much.
He opened up to me yesterday about having a social disorder. Apparently he tells me that his whole family and one family of cousins has this disorder. I figured out quite a while ago that he has aspergers however we hadn't discussed it till the other night. He said he has zero ability to tell if a woman likes him although he knows for sure when he likes a woman. He expresses pain about so many things particularly that he never married and never had children. The pain around this is profound. When he opened up to me, I thanked him for telling me and expressed that it must have been so difficult his whole life to have to go through this. I thanked him for sharing. He told me that I don't understand him and to just drop the topic...he shouldn't have told me...it really doesn't involve me.
So after having these wonderful and candid conversations, he sends me a message this morning and tells me that our conversations were "strange". He wished me to have a wonderful day. I texted him back and said I enjoyed our conversation and found it to be so nice. I haven't heard from him since.
I have cut communication with him totally a few times because I can't take it anymore and feel it is going nowhere. He will then text me on Saturday evening and I know he is just checking to see if I am out with someone else. It's kind of endearing because I know he cares and gets jealous but he hasn't made effort to come and see me recently. If I ask him he doesn't answer. He just tells me we will see each other again "soon". I am sure he is not dating anyone else.
I adore this guy more than any one I have ever met before. I asked him exactly what he is looking for. He says he wants a girlfriend. I have said I am looking for a relationship. I think that may confuse him. He doesn't want to be part of my "family" and that's fine with me. We are older and I don't see him coming to family functions, etc. I do however want him to meet my kids so they know who he is and what a great guy he is.
Sometimes I think it is so much work with him that it isn't even worth it. He says he wants to see me but he doesn't make the effort. He says he sees us being together in our older age. His words and actions don't align. He says he sometimes finds me intimidating.
I feel like I am going crazy.. What is going on here and is this part of his social disorder? Is it too hard or too much work for him to see me? Does he struggle with social cues from me and this is causing him anxiety? He says that is just silly to think like that. The pattern I find is if I ask him if he would like to get together, he often doesn't answer and then disappears for a couple of days. When he resurfaces he will tell me he is spending time with his family or he is swamped with work. I believe him but it leaves me with nothing. Any suggestions or insight? Thanks so much.