confusion in relationship's and choosing between mates

[Zane1817]

OK guys, im in a pickle and for some reason, I think this is the best place to go.

For the past two weeks, ive been in an online, long distance relationship with a girl who lives a few hundred miles away from me. She is a lovely, wonderful girl with AS who shares a ton in common with me. However, I am very uncomfortable with how quickly things have been moving, her always saying things about how we must be "fated to be together" and all this really romantic **** that somebody would say to their wife. The most horrible part is, I reciprocate, afraid of hurting her feelings.

The whole issue is, this girl is currently staying at a mental hospital not so far from me (about 45 miles away) because she took an OD of prozac before she met me. Now, psychological baggage is something im perfectly fine with and generally prefer a girl who can understand mental illness, as I personally have issues with PTSD. However, the distance factor and the clinginess factor both make me uncomfortable. I frequently wirry that I will never meet somebody as likable as her again, but than I realized that ive felt the same way about at least three other girls.

But see, due to my being pretty much always single, I didnt realize how much I was lieing when I said I would love this girl forever. While I believed while typing it into the facebook message box, this certainly didnt factor in this other girl, sweet as pie whom I had the good fortune of being paired up with during tango lessons being held at my college. She was an incredibly fun person to be aroundf and I really feel like I got to know her during our awkward fumbling tango.

This girl has the benefit of being nearby and somebody whom I can rely on as such. While I dont share as many common interest's with her as I do the previous girl, that may be a good thing (Dating somebody with their head screwed on tighter than mine may be beneficial). She is really intelligent, quirky and I simply enjoy her.

But than I remember my lover, whose all alone in that hospital somewhere and I get so worried that if I broke up with her, she would end up hurting herself but than, I have to remember that she's 15 and I as an adult have no business messing around with a girl her age.

Gosh, this relationship stuff is complicated

 

[Ereth]

Okay . . . wow. You've got your work cut out for you, Zane.

I think if you explain to the first girl, gently, what really happened with your feelings, she'll have an easier time accepting what you're saying. In addition, I do not think she is ready for a relationship of this kind. She needs to focus on getting better. I understand why she's clinging to you (she's depressed; you said you'd love her forever), but . . . "fated to be together" . . . no. You need to disabuse her of that idea completely, especially since you're an adult and she is fifteen years old.

You call her your "lover." That's another thing that has to stop. It's entirely inappropriate, and while I do not mean to be accusatory, I certainly hope you haven't exchanged messages of an adult nature. Soliciting a minor for sex is a crime.

I honestly don't know why she's allowed computer access in the hospital anyway. I've never heard of such a thing. Her focus needs to be recovery. I understand you're worried about her hurting herself, but she is in the best place to guard against that. What happens to her really is none of your concern---it's her family's.

Once you let this first girl go, you may pursue the other lady. But please, don't engage in any more Internet romances with teenagers, no matter how lonely you may get.

 

[Christy]

I concur... wow.

I think Ereth has given good advice.

The only thing I would add is an encouragement in future (if you ever find yourself choosing between two females) is to not compare one against the other. Decide on their own merits if you want to date them or not, don't jump from relationship to relationship because you find someone who's "better".

But just to reiterate, you should not be entertaining a relationship with a fifteen year old.