yogabanana
Active Member
Hi again, I am in autistic burnout and it's hurting my marriage. I can't talk without sounding aggravated because I am so overwhelmed. I don't have the energy to pad my communication with niceties. It's hard to repeat myself. I have been nonverbal. I tried to get my husband to switch to primarily sms communication but his ADHD side makes it inconsistent.
It's hard to ask for things. It's hard to not ask for things. For whatever reason my hypersensitivity connects to my physical environment. I can feel the difference between a home that has been wiped down and swept or a hope that has gone a few days collecting dirt and filth. being in burnout my capacity to just put up with that sensitivity is zero.
Husband is keeping kid alive, cooking, asks me now and then do I need anything. But that's all. There's a helluva lot more than that needing to happen to keep the family going including the structure I built over many weeks and the routines that I crave to soothe me right now. I do not expect him to do everything just like me but he's doing the bare minimum unless I ask for anything more and I am too burned out to ask.
I guess I am wondering how do I cope with this and how do I get him to understand that I'm not attacking him just because I sound like I sound. That it's not personal it's just my nervous system is fried. He's autistic too so you'd think he would understand. I thought switch to written communication so he doesn't have to hear me but he isn't responsive enough. He says tell him what I need and he will do it so I said get me a sheet of paper so I can make a schedule he's like no that isn't going to work. But I don't have the energy to ask for things every single day.
I have autoimmune conditions and he's generally been pretty helpful about that. He's normally been a great caregiver (still kinda **** at chores but in short doses that isn't a big deal). I think it's the fact that I can't mask and I sound agitated that is causing problems but I can't do anything about that without switching to written communication which he won't cooperate with.
Thanks for any advice or solidarity.
It's hard to ask for things. It's hard to not ask for things. For whatever reason my hypersensitivity connects to my physical environment. I can feel the difference between a home that has been wiped down and swept or a hope that has gone a few days collecting dirt and filth. being in burnout my capacity to just put up with that sensitivity is zero.
Husband is keeping kid alive, cooking, asks me now and then do I need anything. But that's all. There's a helluva lot more than that needing to happen to keep the family going including the structure I built over many weeks and the routines that I crave to soothe me right now. I do not expect him to do everything just like me but he's doing the bare minimum unless I ask for anything more and I am too burned out to ask.
I guess I am wondering how do I cope with this and how do I get him to understand that I'm not attacking him just because I sound like I sound. That it's not personal it's just my nervous system is fried. He's autistic too so you'd think he would understand. I thought switch to written communication so he doesn't have to hear me but he isn't responsive enough. He says tell him what I need and he will do it so I said get me a sheet of paper so I can make a schedule he's like no that isn't going to work. But I don't have the energy to ask for things every single day.
I have autoimmune conditions and he's generally been pretty helpful about that. He's normally been a great caregiver (still kinda **** at chores but in short doses that isn't a big deal). I think it's the fact that I can't mask and I sound agitated that is causing problems but I can't do anything about that without switching to written communication which he won't cooperate with.
Thanks for any advice or solidarity.
