Breakup questions

[empt]

I'm an 18-year old female Aspie and went through a breakup two weeks ago. He was my first boyfriend and we dated for 14 months. I felt deeply in love with him and could see myself spending the rest of my life with him. But in the last two weeks I've only cried over it once. I rarely find myself thinking of him anymore other than, "is this it?" I don't even feel like I love him anymore. I'm just so confused if this is supposed to be "normal." Aren't I supposed to feel something more? It bothers me that I feel like I've moved on so easily. I'd almost think it was just infatuation, but for fourteen months?

I've been trying to puzzle out these thoughts for nearly a week and I'm just ending up more confused. I was hoping that someone with more experience may be able to offer input?

 

[Judge]

Everyone has a different way of processing it all. How YOU handle it is all that matters.

 

[Hedgehog Instigator]

I'm an 18-year old female Aspie and went through a breakup two weeks ago. He was my first boyfriend and we dated for 14 months. I felt deeply in love with him and could see myself spending the rest of my life with him. But in the last two weeks I've only cried over it once. I rarely find myself thinking of him anymore other than, "is this it?" I don't even feel like I love him anymore. I'm just so confused if this is supposed to be "normal." Aren't I supposed to feel something more? It bothers me that I feel like I've moved on so easily. I'd almost think it was just infatuation, but for fourteen months?

I've been trying to puzzle out these thoughts for nearly a week and I'm just ending up more confused. I was hoping that someone with more experience may be able to offer input?

You are fine, I think most females experience break ups this way.

 

[Ste11aeres]

You're lucky in that you can handle it so calmly.

 

[Ste11aeres]

It's more likely that you did love him, but that there was an element of non-possessiveness in your love for him. That's actually a good thing.

 

[King_Oni]

But in the last two weeks I've only cried over it once. I rarely find myself thinking of him anymore other than, "is this it?" I don't even feel like I love him anymore. I'm just so confused if this is supposed to be "normal." Aren't I supposed to feel something more? It bothers me that I feel like I've moved on so easily. I'd almost think it was just infatuation, but for fourteen months?

I've dated someone for 8.5 years... had a phonecall, we broke up, I shed a few tears and went on doing groceries (since that's actually where I was going when I had the phonecall). Never shed a tear ever since... and yes, it was very much a serious relationship.

I've wondered that as well "shouldn't I be more bothered by this". To make it even weirder; a month after, I went to her place to bring back some of her belongings. I gave her back her stuff and stood up to leave, she hugged me and started crying... and I just stood there thinking "are we done?" Mentally I already broke up with her a month ago during that phonecall.

So I guess it's really someones way to deal with it. Some people can't get over it, some can relatively easy. I never really thought I had to compare myself to how others deal with it.

 

[The Penguin]

Relationships are complex. I dated one person for 8 years. It was hard for me to break up with her. She was not making time for me anymore. We would speak on a regular bases but now it was like every two weeks or sometimes once a month. One key note, this was a long distance relationship. But we have meet in person before but only 5 times. The hardest thing, you need to work out what best for you. Maybe you can work things out, maybe things will come to an end. But the best thing I can say if you end up being with someone else in the future, take your time for the relationship. It took me a long time to learn this. Most of my life I would rush into relationships and most of them never worked out. I wish the best for you.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Some have said that if you don't regret breaking up, or worse you feel relieved, then it was a sign it was time to split. I'm hoping this is simply a sign that you take rejection well. I'd mark it as a good point that you're not one of the crazy types that goes around slashing tires. =)

 

[Maelstrom]

I don't know maybe people are different, or maybe you just weren't really into him. But for me I was sick on the couch for a month, I felt like dying, food tasted bad, every thing felt gray, still haunted a little by empty feeling. But I had already stepped over the marriage threshold mentally, ware you are in your head and how much time you had to prepare mentally for the breakup may make a difference.

Just for the record I politely offered the full break no contact thing and volutarily enforced it even tho it practicaly killed me. I'm not much for the backup boyfriend thing, and if you breakup with me once, you'll do it twice, no loyalty no love, this trick some girls use, the fire under under his feet break up, it is cruel and things are never the same afterwards, lost trust is lost forever, if you think it's time for the ring say so clearly, otherwise everyone is just done!

 

[nowwhat]

Count your blessings that it was so easy. Seriously. Just something to consider.

 

[empt]

Alright, thanks guys. I really appreciate your replies and input. Based on your stories, I suppose it really does vary for everyone, it just came as a huge shock to me since I'd expected to be more upset over it and this "not caring" is troubling.

It was I who (sort of?) broke up with him. We had been in a long distance relationship for over a year and I'd just paid for a ticket to see him for two weeks over winter break. A reoccurring argument with us was that he hadn't told his parents about me. He said they'd disapprove because we met online. I thought that it'd change once I came to see him but when I found out that he'd still keep me a secret we had another big fight about it and I eventually said something to the effect of "if you can't even tell them about me I don't want to date you anymore." I was angry at him for two days and we didn't text at all until I tried messaging him saying I was sorry and that I missed him...he said he completely lost the spark he had for me. Hit me super hard because it took me until then to realize it was over. I wouldn't get out of bed and I was near suicidal. Then the next day and every day after that totally fine.

I'm not sad anymore about it, the whole situation is just incredibly confusing to me...so many things I can't work out both about why he acted the way he did and why I feel the way I do now. Socialization and relationships are just so difficult to understand.

 

[anne.bc]

I'm an 18-year old female Aspie and went through a breakup two weeks ago. He was my first boyfriend and we dated for 14 months. I felt deeply in love with him and could see myself spending the rest of my life with him. But in the last two weeks I've only cried over it once. I rarely find myself thinking of him anymore other than, "is this it?" I don't even feel like I love him anymore. I'm just so confused if this is supposed to be "normal." Aren't I supposed to feel something more? It bothers me that I feel like I've moved on so easily. I'd almost think it was just infatuation, but for fourteen months?

I've been trying to puzzle out these thoughts for nearly a week and I'm just ending up more confused. I was hoping that someone with more experience may be able to offer input?

I was in a serious relationship with engagement for almost 8 years. I was gutted for about a week and then I was fine. It was the memories more than anything. I have now been single for 4 months. If you ever want to talk, you are more than welcome to message me.

 

[Vinca]

I'm an 18-year old female Aspie and went through a breakup two weeks ago. He was my first boyfriend and we dated for 14 months. I felt deeply in love with him and could see myself spending the rest of my life with him. But in the last two weeks I've only cried over it once. I rarely find myself thinking of him anymore other than, "is this it?" I don't even feel like I love him anymore. I'm just so confused if this is supposed to be "normal." Aren't I supposed to feel something more? It bothers me that I feel like I've moved on so easily. I'd almost think it was just infatuation, but for fourteen months?

I've been trying to puzzle out these thoughts for nearly a week and I'm just ending up more confused. I was hoping that someone with more experience may be able to offer input?

I'm not sure that I have more experience. But i have a similar experience and some thoughts about it.

When I broke up with my boyf of 14yrs I found the process of breaking up the most difficult part. But once the relationship was over and he had stopped calling me, I only cried about it a few times and I cried about the aspects of the relationship which I had felt confused and hurt by, more than I cried about the relationship being over.

It was my first long-term relationship and the first time I'd been in love. I often felt suprised and slighlty concerned that I didn't seem to care much. However, from past life experiecne the thing I connect with most is routine. If there is a routine that I enjoy that stops, it hits me harder than anything else. I wasn't enjoying the relationship and I think that is one reason why I didn't care more when it was over

Whilst I hadn'rt been enjoying the relationship, the time we spent together and the regular communication did form a part of my weekly routine and I actually noticed a change in my behaviour, which I believe was in a response to change in routine. In particular I carried out excessive tidying, reaaranging and organising.