Blew my top (in public) again!

[Sherlock77]

I had a bit of a stressful day, some personal stuff I won't mention...

After work, the first camera club of the new year, felt kind of tired the whole time, got a little melancholy about how other people seemed to have a great summer! I feel like my summer of photography was below average... Side note: On Sunday a lady I know well at church commented to me about how good my summer must have been (she follows my Instagram), I begged to differ but didn't protest too much either...

Back to tonight, feeling melancholy, went to grab some supper after the meeting, a local place I go to quite often, a restaurant in a small strip mall, a few years ago it switched over to pay parking but still offered free 15 minute parking for patrons of the businesses, as I pulled up it became clear something was going on and the roving parking attendant was there, to make a long story short, there is no more free short-term parking for anyone visiting a business in the strip mall...

At this point I lost it, yelled a lot at the poor parking attendant (yes, I know he's just doing his job, it's not his fault), apparently I now have to pay $5 just to go in and order my food, stupid parking company policy change, I kept losing it... I then moved my car to the street where there was free parking, also slamming a door or two, which probably could have damaged my door, my bad!

My mood from earlier in the evening, earlier in the day, unfortunately carried over to the restaurant, I did try to calm down as we went through the ingredients...

I know I shouldn't have done that, although I almost feel this one is partially justified because of stupid parking policies, I still swear that I need to control myself better at times like this, it just comes out without warning and then it's too late, feeling bad now sitting at home...

 

[OlLiE]

I recognise your reaction. What i've tried to do is not to feel but to act with integrity and to address problems rather than the emotions around it. I tend to find emotions pointless, a remnant of our days as instinct driven animals.

You got upset and were rude to someone who did not have the power to change the situation that was a problem:
- integrity: feeling bad about it is selfish and does not resolve the issue, apologise to this person, when i apologise for an outburst and try to learn from it, then i never feel bad about it afterwards
- problem solving: a 5 dollar surcharge is a lot of money for a lot of products, the local businesses and other customers are most likely not happy about it either, maybe you can plant the seed that they should get together and do something about it

if there is no solution, find somewhere else, however unpleasant that may be

by the way, i'm into photography too, been out of it for a year or two and just started again a couple of weeks ago

 

[Sherlock77]

I recognise your reaction. What i've tried to do is not to feel but to act with integrity and to address problems rather than the emotions around it. I tend to find emotions pointless, a remnant of our days as instinct driven animals.

You got upset and were rude to someone who did not have the power to change the situation that was a problem:
- integrity: feeling bad about it is selfish and does not resolve the issue, apologise to this person, when i apologise for an outburst and try to learn from it, then i never feel bad about it afterwards
- problem solving: a 5 dollar surcharge is a lot of money for a lot of products, the local businesses and other customers are most likely not happy about it either, maybe you can plant the seed that they should get together and do something about it

if there is no solution, find somewhere else, however unpleasant that may be

by the way, i'm into photography too, been out of it for a year or two and just started again a couple of weeks ago

I think it was a building up of a few different things, as I explained, I know it was... Too late to apologize unfortunately, he was come and gone to his next parking lot... There are other times - most times - when something like that doesn't faze me at all... I just don't know when too often...

 

[Gracey]

Could recording the instances and looking for patterns, or identifying triggers (?) help?
Noting down emotions, worries as you notice/ feel them. Almost as it's happening?
From what you write you are already aware of what's happening because you're purposely looking for ways in which to calm yourself.

Use the notes app on your phone if you don't want to take out a note book and pen.?

 

[vangelis]

I also struggle with trying not to "lose it big time". For me it's a combination of over stimulation by just being outside with lots of people, plus if things have gone badly or unexpectedly I can't seem to accept why. Had an incident recently where I was totally overcome on a bus and let go a tirade of abuse, physically injured one of the people who had got too close to me, and made a rapid exit from the vehicle feeling like I was drowning. Even recalling the event now makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't want to be negative but I have never found anything to stop these feelings [not keen on trying meds although they have been suggested and I know they can help some people], just have to let it take its course. I wish you all the best.

 

[Keigan]

I know I shouldn't have done that, although I almost feel this one is partially justified because of stupid parking policies, I still swear that I need to control myself better at times like this, it just comes out without warning and then it's too late, feeling bad now sitting at home...

Acknowledgement is a good first step, now make a commitment to yourself to not allow it to occur again and keep that commitment.

 

[Mia]

I then moved my car to the street where there was free parking, also slamming a door or two, which probably could have damaged my door, my bad!

Oh well, it happens. And it doesn't mean it won't happen again on some particularly frustrating day. Our triggers are right there, a good portion of the time and it's often hard to know what will set them off.

Husband and I were walking on a street in the old city last week, and some guy swerved and nearly hit us. Streets are pretty narrow one laner's. Well the driver got angry as if it were somehow our fault for being on the sidewalk.

He gets out of his pickup and begins pointing his finger and yelling, we smiled, and he called us 'bitc* dogs' then we both began laughing until tears rolled down our faces. Think english wasn't his first language. He became quite red in the face, then he began laughing.

 

[Sherlock77]

I could easily live my life without doing anything like this again, I don't want to do it! Yes, I acknowledge it, I think I need something to pre-warn myself about potential situations... I know I'm dreaming...

 

[Mia]

I could easily live my life without doing anything like this again, I don't want to do it! Yes, I acknowledge it, I think I need something to pre-warn myself about potential situations

It is a difficult thing to predict, being aware of the 'triggers' that make you frustrated or angry is a lifetime's work. Especially if they are situations that you don't expect, that might be instances of memories from childhood. Recall being at a large flea market and an elderly man was charging twenty-five cents to use the bathroom. A young girl ahead of me had no money, so I paid for her. Basic needs such as that seem sacrosanct, so if you are a child without money, or poor, you can't use the bathroom. Some things seem unjust and arbitrary.

 

[Gracey]

Your pre warning is your arousal state. You may feel it building up inside? Perhaps your patience gets shorter, need for control increases, judgement and blame of others or things is all you can focus on?

That's your pre warning. If you continue along that pathway with your thoughts the end result, or feeling will be so intense you'll struggle to contain it.

To live without it is to redirect your thought process.
Away from the negative.

Don't pick fault with your work at your camera club. Attach pride to your effort. No picture will be the same as yours, nobody there experienced the same wonder you experienced when you decided to capture that specific image above all others.
Even the lady at church commented on your good summer? She made her assessment using the images you captured.

Recall the feeling you had when you looked at something and had to capture that image, when displaying your work.
If the camera club is a learning environment, accept you don't know everything (yet) and don't give yourself a hard time for the knowledge you haven't pick up ... (Yet)