Autism forum-take 2

[Celestine]

Hi. I apparently came on here last year. I don't remember--it's all a blur. I had just been diagnosed with atypical autism, previously known as Asperger's Syndrome. I was evaluated in the fall of 2023. I'm over 50. Due to the fact that all three of my family members were mentally and emotionally abusive, and there was a very violent divorce when I was still young, among other things, I never had any idea I could have autism. I was so messed up (and suicidal) from my childhood, adolescence, and the abuse continued into adulthood, and would continue even now if I had not gone no-contact with the two males in my family, and I now know I have C-PTSD. If I had autism on top of all that, ... I couldn't have cared less. Neither could my caretakers, when they were my caretakers (an exceptionally inappropriate term for them).

Anyway, I'm in a peaceful place now, now that I'm free (at least temporarily) of the two worst offenders. And I'm happy I got a diagnosis, because it resulted in me getting some financial support. I've even got a friend (knock on wood).

I don't know a single autistic person. Sometimes I feel very alone and frustrated, especially when there are clashes between me and my friend, because he just doesn't understand me at all. Then I get really scared that he's going to abandon me. Most recently, his "jokes" have been causing a lot of friction between us, because I keep taking him seriously, and they aren't funny, I don't understand why he says them. Anyway, I thought if I came back on here, maybe I'd have somewhere to talk about it... and, if possible, find that maybe I'm not the minority of one in the world I always am in my life--but I won't hold my breath.

 

[tree]

 

[FayetheAspie]

Welcome!

 

[Alexej]

Welcome
You have found a good place, and there are some really good people in here

 

[Celestine]

Welcome
You have found a good place, and there are some really good people in here

Thanks.

 

[Rodafina]

Welcome back @Celestine. I hope you have a good experience here.

 

[RemyZee]

welcome!

 

[SusanLR]

Welcome back!
And to frame your quote:

Most recently, his "jokes" have been causing a lot of friction between us, because I keep taking him seriously, and they aren't funny, I don't understand why he says them.

I completely relate as I live with someone who does this daily. And I always take him seriously. He thinks it is funny. I don't.

 

[Crossbreed]

Hello & welcome (back) @Celestine!

(Did you know that your login name means "Heavenly...?")

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Lots of older self diagnosed on here, welcome to club. no reason to feel alone. I Was mid fifties before I figured it out. every thing made sense after. Being officially diagnosed should not change who you are. You are just one of us.

 

[Celestine]

Welcome back!
And to frame your quote:

I completely relate as I live with someone who does this daily. And I always take him seriously. He thinks it is funny. I don't.

Last week my friend said something in an sms--I answered him seriously, and then the next morning it dawned on me that he might have been joking, based on previous subjects he's "joked" about. The next time we met, feeling pretty proud of myself for realizing it was probably a joke, I asked him if he was joking and he said something to the effect of "Come on! Don't start this again..." So... apparently he wasn't joking that time. Sigh.

 

[Celestine]

Hello & welcome (back) @Celestine!

(Did you know that your login name means "Heavenly...?")

Thanks . It's also an alternative name for the crystal celestite , which is why I chose it. I'm considering changing my real name to Celestine. I'm not sure yet. Or maybe just use it as a pseudonym whenever I finally write my books (if I ever write them).

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Welcome to how we are different, you are not alone.

 

[Celestine]

Welcome to how we are different, you are not alone.

I only realized in 2018, the first time I found an autism forum--I think it was this one in fact--that I probably had autism. I remember reading forum posts through streams of tears, because I finally understood people, and they were having the same troubles with other people that I'd been having all my life.

That was the same year I'd moved to my current and final (only) home, and for once in my life had a psychologist who actually wanted to help me. He put me on a waiting list to be evaluated for autism. Four years later, it was finally my turn. And here I am.

So I think I had a different account on here back then, but I can't remember at all what it was. Then I guess I came back last year, after getting my diagnosis. I wish I knew more autistic people in real life. My friend has a grand-daughter who is autistic and is non-verbal, but she's still only 4 years old.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I Come from a family of six sibling's, suspect four of us are high functioning autistic. So never really noticed as a family we were different. Just know as being the brightest family, various school systems have ever seen. That was what made us different. Being different was normal for me, nothing special. We are known as a weird family. Even cousins, lots of high performers, So be proud of who you are as you find yourself. I have a grand daughter 2 years old not talking yet, obviously very bright. Watched a video on a kid genius last week know 26 years old who did not talk until his mother introduced him to math and science, now speaks multiple languages suspect has IQ close to 200. and yes he is on spectrum.

 

[Chonebox]

Welcome to the forums. When I was high school my friend's father cracked this racist joke. At first it didn't bother me but he continued. So I let him know I didn't find it funny anymore and i wasn't happy. He didn't listen so I set my boundries and refuse to ackknowledge him let alone talk to him. After a while he apologize and promised to stop. Refusing to communicate with him wasn't to punish him but to protect myself so I wouldn't get overly upset.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Welcome back! I too was diagnosed late in life. I suspected, but it was this community which led to my seeking a diagnosis. I am glad that you persevered in finally expressing your agency. That is something to build on.

I was fortunate to find a therapist who works with autistic people as well as treating PTSD. I had some emotional trauma from social isolation as a teen and young adult: Nothing as severe as you. But, undergoing Cognitive Processing Therapy has helped me accept what happened to me, acknowledging the hurt and rebuilding my relationship to those difficult experiences. I feel echos of those times occasionally, but now I can hold them a second then let them go, because I have lived a satisfying life since those times.

 

[Celestine]

Welcome back! I too was diagnosed late in life. I suspected, but it was this community which led to my seeking a diagnosis. I am glad that you persevered in finally expressing your agency. That is something to build on.

I was fortunate to find a therapist who works with autistic people as well as treating PTSD. I had some emotional trauma from social isolation as a teen and young adult: Nothing as severe as you. But, undergoing Cognitive Processing Therapy has helped me accept what happened to me, acknowledging the hurt and rebuilding my relationship to those difficult experiences. I feel echos of those times occasionally, but now I can hold them a second then let them go, because I have lived a satisfying life since those times.

I've realized that the reason I can't just "move on," and why new "emotional injuries" keep getting done, and compounded on all the decades of previous ones, is because those people are still in my life to some extent and I haven't figured out how to get them out.

 

[Chonebox]

Welcome to the forums.