Aspie vs. Aspie

[Sportster]

As an Aspie, I know that a lot of what I do, say, etc. is irritating to many NT’s. Because of that, I go to extremes to monitor myself and alter accordingly in order not to be such an irritation.

On the other hand, I have found that the behavior of some Aspies really irritates me. Is this normal, or am I being a . . . well, you can fill in the blank. My brain tells me I should get along with Aspies since I am one, but there are a few at work that I’d like to strangle. Does anyone else have similar issues?

 

[Ereth]

Welcome to life. Not everyone gets along easily. This is true of all people, whether they're NT or Aspie.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I'd say it's normal. I've read in Tony Attwood's The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome (just today, actually) that Aspies are like magnets; they either attract or repel each other. I generally get along with my fellow Aspies, but there was this one Aspie guy a while back that I really had trouble with. Obviously we don't talk anymore, and I think I have him blocked on YouTube.

 

[Aspieistj]

I would like to interact with another Aspie if he/she were willing to admit to being an Aspie and also be willing to try to get along. If that person told me I was being stubborn and refusing to see a different view, I think I could tolerate it more easily than if the same words came from an NT. I would hope another Aspie would be willing to try to get along with me an I would do the same for that person. I would expect that another Aspie wouldn't say something stupid like telling me to just ignore something irritating. Maybe we could find solutions (or at least tolerance) together. I would hope such a person would act like an Aspie and not an NT. No pretending necessary.

 

[Ereth]

What's the difference between "acting like an Aspie" and "acting like an NT"? We all act different ways at different times and around different people. And honestly, sometimes ignoring something irritating is the best way to handle a situation. It's not necessarily stupid at all.

For what it's worth, I've been told how stubborn I am (usually as a form of praise). I also know that in most circumstances, that's the truth. There's nothing wrong with a frank statement as long as it's used in the proper way.

Sometimes we're the ones who refuse to see different views, or who choose to pretend. Deep down inside, people are the same, regardless of any differences in neurological wiring.

 

[Turk]

Everyone is annoying to me, NT or Aspie. However I do extend more tolerance, to my own kind. Hearing a complaint from someone whose walked a mile in my shoes, is far easier to accept. I judge NT 's with the same impatience as they judge me. After all thats what im being measured against. Petty it may be, but it works for me

 

[Aspieistj]

Everyone is annoying to me, NT or Aspie. However I do extend more tolerance, to my own kind. Hearing a complaint from someone whose walked a mile in my shoes, is far easier to accept. I judge NT 's with the same impatience as they judge me. After all thats what im being measured against. Petty it may be, but it works for me

All people have basic needs and similarities. However, there are countless ways in which people differ from each other. Shutting out everyone who is different leads to missing all the good they can contribute to my life. Still, after nearly 70 years of being mistreated because I am different, I am very sensitive and tired of being judged by my differences. No matter how many times I am shot down for saying it, humans tend to gravitate to others who are like themselves. I am very beholding to Myers-Briggs for their personality descriptions. Once I learned of the 16 different types I had to accept other types if I expected to be accepted as an ISTJ. Understanding the different types made it easier for me to navigate among people. Still, being among "my" type remains very comfortable. I took an undergraduate and a graduate course from a licensed administrator of the Myers-Briggs instrument (she was a nursing instructor) and in both classes she included the MB theories of personality. The undergraduate class had 40 students and once our "types" were determined she had us gather first in like groups and then in mixed groups and gave all groups the same hypothetical task to complete. It was heaven working with other ISTJs. We practically finished each other's sentences! We had fun working together with almost no disagreement. The solutions from the 16 groups were quite interesting. However, when we worked in mixed groups, there was tension and disagreement. Who wants to put up with that? Well, the solutions form the mixed groups were more interesting and innovative. Mixed groups had various ways of thinking and were more productive. We aren't all alike, sticking with others who are like ourselves is comfortable, but facing the challenge of working with a "maverick" opened up possibilities I never thought of by myself. I am not in favor of avoiding different people; however I do choose to avoid individuals in that group who show me intolerance.

 

[Judge]

Everyone is annoying to me, NT or Aspie. However I do extend more tolerance, to my own kind. Hearing a complaint from someone whose walked a mile in my shoes, is far easier to accept.

It is easier to deal with a fellow Aspie in that I have at least the chance of understanding their thought process from the outset, whether we get along or not. An advantage I'm not likely to have with any NT.

However I do agree with the others that there's no guarantee of always getting along with people simply based on one's neurological profile.

 

[Aspieistj]

What's the difference between "acting like an Aspie" and "acting like an NT"? We all act different ways at different times and around different people. And honestly, sometimes ignoring something irritating is the best way to handle a situation. It's not necessarily stupid at all.

For what it's worth, I've been told how stubborn I am (usually as a form of praise). I also know that in most circumstances, that's the truth. There's nothing wrong with a frank statement as long as it's used in the proper way.

Sometimes we're the ones who refuse to see different views, or who choose to pretend. Deep down inside, people are the same, regardless of any differences in neurological wiring.

Weak argument. Acting like one or the other is natural to only one of the two groups, depending on if you have AS or are an NY.

 

[Ereth]

How is my argument weak? There's no definitive way in which to "act Aspie" or "act neurotypical." If it were true, people on the spectrum would be all the same, and we're not. The same is true for people without autism. I don't think anybody's necessarily restricted to one sort of behavior. If you're going to disagree with me, that's fine, but at least explain your reasoning for the benefit of the thread.

 

[Aspieistj]

How is my argument weak? There's no definitive way in which to "act Aspie" or "act neurotypical." If it were true, people on the spectrum would be all the same, and we're not. The same is true for people without autism. I don't think anybody's necessarily restricted to one sort of behavior. If you're going to disagree with me, that's fine, but at least explain your reasoning for the benefit of the thread.

Very simply, Aspies are "odd" and NTs are "normal." No matter which name you assign to either group, one is much larger and enjoys more acceptance. Every person is an individual but most fall into the NT group. Their commonly observed behaviors, while not identical, have the privilege of being considered "normal." I will continue to argue that the majority almost always enjoys the greater acceptance. I am an alien in a hostile environment and I wish I could be transported to Planet Asperger.

 

[Ereth]

What you said is only your perception of the situation. It doesn't make my argument any weaker (or stronger). It's just the way you see things, and that's fine.

As I said before, you're entitled to your opinion, but if you spend that much time bemoaning the fact that you aren't considered "normal" while other people are, it's no wonder you sound so upset. I know it's not easy, but don't focus on the label too much if you can help it. While I would say that there's still much to be done in advancing the general public's understanding of ASD, we don't have to consider ourselves abnormal or somehow inferior. In fact, I'd say most people probably don't care one way or the other. My school days made me quite paranoid. For a long time I was pretty much convinced everyone who wasn't overtly nice to me hated me, but I've since learned that isn't the case. There were certainly enough people in school who did dislike me, but most people didn't care. That doesn't make me abnormal, or normal, or anything else. Once I stopped caring about whether I was considered normal, I became much happier. And I didn't even know about my ASD back then.

 

[King_Oni]

Just a friendly reminder;

While it's understandable and justified to debate about "neuro-different" people, please be aware there shouldn't be a hard line drawn here, since it most likely invites to NT bashing or AS supremacy; things we rather not see on this forum.

Not saying it happened yet, but I am putting it out there to be aware to what you all post here. The subject is interesting to debate in my opinion but as with a handful of subjects it invites some controversy; especially now that instead of aspie vs. aspie we're pulling in the NT group.

But by all means, have a healthy discussion. Just be careful to not turn it into some form of NT bashing/AS supremacy. I wouldn't want this thread to become a cesspool of all things bad and eventually had to lock it.

 

[wyverary]

Very simply, Aspies are "odd" and NTs are "normal." No matter which name you assign to either group, one is much larger and enjoys more acceptance. Every person is an individual but most fall into the NT group. Their commonly observed behaviors, while not identical, have the privilege of being considered "normal." I will continue to argue that the majority almost always enjoys the greater acceptance. I am an alien in a hostile environment and I wish I could be transported to Planet Asperger.

I'm really sorry that you seem to have had such bad experiences in the world...so many Aspies do, and it breaks my heart. But there ARE folks who fit our own "NT" criteria who are outcasts, who are weirdos, eccentrics, and who welcome other weirdos like themselves into the fold...I've surrounded myself with such people my whole life, and it has been beautiful, and I wish all Aspies could have experienced the same acceptance I have had the privilege to.

Back to the original question, however...I don't think it really makes any difference whatsoever. It depends entirely on the person regardless of whether they are on the spectrum. I've known Aspies I cannot stand to be around, and "NT's" with whom I have clicked beautifully...and, of course, vice-versa.

 

[Dirtdigger]

As an Aspie, I know that a lot of what I do, say, etc. is irritating to many NT’s. Because of that, I go to extremes to monitor myself and alter accordingly in order not to be such an irritation.

On the other hand, I have found that the behavior of some Aspies really irritates me. Is this normal, or am I being a . . . well, you can fill in the blank. My brain tells me I should get along with Aspies since I am one, but there are a few at work that I’d like to strangle. Does anyone else have similar issues?

I find some Aspies much more irritating than even NTs because some of them are so critical of me. I just got through unjoining an Autism facebook group only after 2 days, because there are too many d!{kh#@d Aspies or at least that is what they claim. This is supposed to be a closed group, but yet it was too easy to join. I left Wrong Planet for the same reason. Although some Aspies on this forum don't taken anything serious, so far this forum is by far the best.

 

[Dirtdigger]

Feeding Frenzy is so accurate.

 

[Autism]

As an Aspie, I know that a lot of what I do, say, etc. is irritating to many NT’s. Because of that, I go to extremes to monitor myself and alter accordingly in order not to be such an irritation.

On the other hand, I have found that the behavior of some Aspies really irritates me. Is this normal, or am I being a . . . well, you can fill in the blank. My brain tells me I should get along with Aspies since I am one, but there are a few at work that I’d like to strangle. Does anyone else have similar issues?

I usually do not worry about what type of person another human being is. I do not define them according to what condition they may have.

But what I do judge them on is if they have a good character. Because if a person does not have a good character then I am not interested in the rest of that person. Why would I be?

 

[staind.raindrop]

As an Aspie, I know that a lot of what I do, say, etc. is irritating to many NT’s. Because of that, I go to extremes to monitor myself and alter accordingly in order not to be such an irritation.

On the other hand, I have found that the behavior of some Aspies really irritates me. Is this normal, or am I being a . . . well, you can fill in the blank. My brain tells me I should get along with Aspies since I am one, but there are a few at work that I’d like to strangle. Does anyone else have similar issues?

I can see that you value societal views of normal enough to put significant effort into conforming to them. I'm wondering if the amount of value you place on these views contributes to the reactions to other Aspies you're expressing here?

 

[Flinty]

The only time I hang out with people on the spectrum is with the former ASAN chapter (next meeting, it will be Canadian Autistics United). Most of them are benign, but there is one who annoys me completely, though I keep my thoughts to myself (there is another member who is not being so shy about it, though). He truly doesn't understand the political world and I had to put him on limited profile on Facebook (I don't really have the option of unfriending him) because he has taken to calling people who don't agree with him politically pieces of ****. I really don't know if I can continue with CAU because of him, it's that bad.