aspie help

[karl]

For this thread I just wanted to have some insight to how some partners handle there aspie other half, I'm an aspie and my partner is nt and knows my aspie traits but I still get shouted at or if I'm not listening she called me rude and ignorant I'm not I honnestly promise I'm not but it's all getting to much what can I do to help this as I have told her to read up on aspergers I even gave her literature on aspergers syndrome and there signs ect but still I get swore at called names and it's just not very nice I try to explain I don't mean to but all I get is Ohhhhh it's a trait I forgotten mmmm with the fiber qution mark type things so sarcastic response to me opening up

I need help on this please I tried talking ect but it's obviously not working any similar experiences would be great and how did you deal with this.

I'm a pain I know but I really to appreciate it

 

[Wooaspie]

Getting people to understand us is the most difficult thing to do. It seems people only understand what they already know. I realized I can't change there perception. With that being said, I don't want this to seem unsympathetic it is just my experience. My girlfriend has the willingness to understand me and that's all that was needed. I just realized without someone's willingness to understand there is nothing I can do so I let them be and carry on.

 

[Kaylee]

explaining aspergers can be very difficult, one of the hardest things for others to grasp is that it changes thinking style but the person is still intelligent and needs to be treated the same (except for maybe some exceptions in some situations) and that makes it very difficult. With people with special needs and children people can handle when they do something bad or inappropriate because "they dont know any better" or because as humans we tend to put ourselves above these people. when its someone with aspergers they hold them to the same standard and ideas as the rest of people and ignore the issues that they may have. not to mention many people see it as an excuse of why you are messing things up or such. while it sucks its just kinda what people do. maybe try to have a heart to heart with your partner, its my guess they think that you are using aspergers to excuse your actions,

 

[karl]

Yeah thanks I do agree with you then as I worried about that but a heart to heart will do the trick I'm sure

Thanks aagain

 

[Cecile]

Getting people to understand us is the most difficult thing to do. It seems people only understand what they already know. I realized I can't change there perception.

It's a matter of open-mindness and willingness to learn. Some people will reject the very existence of anything that is too far from their personal reality: another culture, another socio-economical reality, other values or religious beliefs, etc. There isn't much that can be done to change their perceptions. However, there are also people who are more open-minded an willing to learn, but haven't had proper opportunities to do so.
As an NT, what really helped me understand was the testimonials written by Aspies themselves (blogs, books, forums here), much more than the documentation produced by (NT) medical sources and such. Maybe if Karl's girlfriend saw testimonials of other Aspies-NT relationships, that would help her understand.

The line between "Aspie can't"/won't isn't always clear to an NT, even with some knowledge about Aspergers. Selective mutism is one of the things I find the most difficult to understand, and it is something that complicates communication in a relationship. (The NT girlfrend sees the Aspie boyfriend being expressive and talkative about many things, so when she cannot get an answer from him, she believes that he doesn't want her to know, or he doesn't think she is worth the effort... )