Early in this thread it was suggested to you that your BF might see your behaviour towards him as abandonment, and since this appears to be the case, you really need to think out his reactions as his conditioned response to being abandoned rather more than how that has hurt your feelings.
Thus of course it has more to do with his wounds than anything else - how could it not be?! From my own perspective, being abandoned is just about the worst kind of betrayal possible, because it only happens as a result of someone who matters greatly walking away, and leaving nothing of themselves behind. If that happens once in a lifetime it's capable of causing a trauma, but if it happens many times, it could well condition everything that is subsequently understood about relationships and how they fail rather than flourish. For me, it would mean - has meant - that at all times in all relationships, I have been waiting for failure and abandonment again.
It isn't a healthy way to exist, it isn't a way to build good relationships, and it isn't rational, but is and has been unavoidable.
So, deep breath, and then decide what you want to do. This relationship may have nowhere to go if he won't cooperate with you now at all, or if you think it is too hard or too much work. If either of these, it's time to call it a day and perhaps just confirm to him that you're done.
Otherwise, if you want there to be any hope of rescuing the relationship, if I were in his shoes, you would have to convince me that you didn't walk away, and that you won't ever do that. Primarily, overcoming my fear of abandonment would be the only way to reach me and make me think.
If you are going to do that, whatever else, I'd suggest you don't try it by text. I don't know about him, but if that was me, I despise trying to manage emotive issues in a relationship by text. It's distant, impersonal and frustrating - not least because I find it hard to type, particularly on smartphone keyboards. I'd say you would likely best go back and talk to him, and try and reassure him about the future of the relationship, while doing your best not to react negatively to what he may say, or interject your opinion or how you feel about what he has said or done. It isn't that you don't have a right to an opinion or your feelings, but right now if you want to rescue the relationship, doing exactly that is the priority.
Thus of course it has more to do with his wounds than anything else - how could it not be?! From my own perspective, being abandoned is just about the worst kind of betrayal possible, because it only happens as a result of someone who matters greatly walking away, and leaving nothing of themselves behind. If that happens once in a lifetime it's capable of causing a trauma, but if it happens many times, it could well condition everything that is subsequently understood about relationships and how they fail rather than flourish. For me, it would mean - has meant - that at all times in all relationships, I have been waiting for failure and abandonment again.
It isn't a healthy way to exist, it isn't a way to build good relationships, and it isn't rational, but is and has been unavoidable.
So, deep breath, and then decide what you want to do. This relationship may have nowhere to go if he won't cooperate with you now at all, or if you think it is too hard or too much work. If either of these, it's time to call it a day and perhaps just confirm to him that you're done.
Otherwise, if you want there to be any hope of rescuing the relationship, if I were in his shoes, you would have to convince me that you didn't walk away, and that you won't ever do that. Primarily, overcoming my fear of abandonment would be the only way to reach me and make me think.
If you are going to do that, whatever else, I'd suggest you don't try it by text. I don't know about him, but if that was me, I despise trying to manage emotive issues in a relationship by text. It's distant, impersonal and frustrating - not least because I find it hard to type, particularly on smartphone keyboards. I'd say you would likely best go back and talk to him, and try and reassure him about the future of the relationship, while doing your best not to react negatively to what he may say, or interject your opinion or how you feel about what he has said or done. It isn't that you don't have a right to an opinion or your feelings, but right now if you want to rescue the relationship, doing exactly that is the priority.
